[sushislinger]

It's over...

I have finally had enough. For a week I have been trying to justify my decision to end it and out of nowhere it dawns on me: she is the one who justified it...

For months I made time for her, time to spend together and be alone, close, intimate, yet there was always an excuse. Always too tired, always a reason why she doesn't trust her mom to look after the kids for the night.

Today I am asked what I would like to do this evening as the children are staying at their granny's house and it is father's day, so I can choose. I answer and am told that I clearly dont want to spend time with her?
So it wasn't my choice... She wanted an answer I didn't give her. Its not like my plans excluded her, it just wasn't precisely what she wanted.
I am tired... I cannot do this any more.
No matter what I do or how I do it, it is always wrong, never good enough.

I will not be broken down by her any more. It would be better to be alone and moderately happy than completely miserable.

If you have any leftover LOVE AND HAPPY THOUGHTS to spare, I would be thankful if you threw them at me...

L&L

[Leed]

I'm so sorry -- I guess some people just can't be pleased. Is it possible that she found someone else? I hope not, but one never knows.

Do you think that marriage counseling would help? It's worth a try, at least for the sake of the children. Too many children in this world are living in broken homes. Kids need fathers in the home as role models, and all too frequently, there isn't one. Counseling might just be the answer -- perhaps SHE will see what she's doing wrong, or the COUNSELOR will TELL her what she's doing wrong!

At least you could say you tried everything.

I wish you the very best. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[sushislinger]

Thanks for the kind words.
We spoke about counselling, but she was resistant to the idea. I'm not really sure what's going on in her head. She pushes me away, drives me to this and then when I tell her I'm over it, she gets upset. She is hinting how she wants me to stay, that she can't be without me, but I found a bunch of papers in the living room and on them was a detailed budget she has written out. On this budget it is clear that she will be short of cash without my salary. So is that why she wants me to stay??? Am I a wallet?
No, I am done. I will always be there for my son and even her daughter, but I will not be HERS.
It feels like she wants me when I'm gone and hates me when I'm here.

I deserve better.

L&L

[healingme4me]

No, you are not a wallet. And yes, your needs have to valued, too.

There are non-broken homes out there, that can be just as damaging as a 'broken home'. Visitation schedules can be flexible and include a father around more often than not. ((this I know from my own schedule..5 days a week, with flexibility for extra time, just because, I personally value the father /child relationship, just cannot live with the man))

Hang in there!!

[healingme4me]

I was thinking about the splitting of homes, a little more.

Usually both parties have to take a step down in their household expenses.

For myself, I had to find a place I could afford, and my exh ended up moving in with roommates. If the price of health insurance through his employer was so high(1K a month, ), he'd probably have his own place.

He now lives just two blocks away. He was just one town over, for a while, until this past April/May.

Sure, the wages of two can no longer be combined and financially speaking, on paper, it would seem like kids are 'deprived', but in my case, the splitting of wages was the better solution, in my opinion. (finances were part of the war between the two of us).

Can there be stability, yes. Sometimes, he just comes to my place, in the afternoons, after the kids get home from school. He has hours that are conducive to spending time with the kids from the time they get home to the time it's time for dinner/bed.

I really feel for the 'broken homes' where there is an absent parent involved. But when both parents are waging war with one another, in the home, there is no stability.

I, wouldn't change a thing, to how things ended up in my marriage. I gave it my all. Went to therapy, he didn't, wouldn't, couldn't(bring himself to do 'that').

The kids, their needs are met. Are there fancy vacations? No. Weren't any, in marriage, anyways....

If divorce is a decision, then I am sure it's something you've thought through all the details and have tried all you can.

You don't sound like you'd be a disappearing act. That, to me, is what a real honest to goodness broken home is.

[Leed]

I agree ~ you deserve more than this.

And I have NO doubt you'll be there for the kids. You struck me as that kind of person from the start.

Yes you do deserve MUCH better than this and I hope you find it. Just make sure you don't "rebound."

I'm sure you and your soon to be ex can work out a visitation schedule where you see the kids just as often as you ever did and perhaps even more. But try to keep your relationship civil and friendly for the kids sake. Hopefully your ex will be agreeable to that too.

I sure wish you all the best. Please take GOOD care of yourself. God bless and please take care! Hugs, Lee

[Luvmydog]

So sad when I read this, I would consider you as one of my friends here in the forum and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Divorce is one of the most difficult decisions to make, I know, I've done it. I am on the other side of it now, but it was still one of the toughest things I've ever done. However, I am now with a wonderful wife, who loves me, and supports me emotionally, financially (I've been unemployed for about a year or so), and I couldn't find a better woman. We will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary this July. I feel for you man, and hope that this works out as well for you as it did for me.