[oldlife_disrupted]

This is a line I've been hearing a lot lately...from everyone. I don't think I'm speaking aggressively when they say it but I hear it too much, it must be true.

I am angry. I am hurt. I am embarrassed that 3 months of absence later I'm still not over this. I guess this is normal but I have no one to vent to...not even her and I *really* want to vent over this and my suspicions right in her face. Instead I smile, act polite and watch my kids think I'm ok...GFD I hate this.

That is all, just wanted to vent. I feel better already

[gayleggg]

Glad you were able to vent here. You are doing the right thing by keeping peace for you children's sake, but you do need to let it out in a responible way such as venting here. You might want to see a counselor to help you through the grieving and loss issues so you can move on.

[Mid-Life-Larry]

One FEAR I have about not 'speaking up'... is that I have inadvertently taught my children that it's okay to be wronged and not speak up.

Speak up, when you are calm.... don't be like me, speak up soon when you can.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Unfortunately, she's gone and there's no one to speak up to. I don't tolerate any disrespect or anything like that, I'm just having a hard time right now…which is weird because for a while I felt like I was fine again.

[brokenhrt52]

I'm sorry ....I'm not exactly sure what your history is if you wouldn't mind... Only if you feel comfortable... giving me a quick break down... I and or we here can be more of a support system for you it sounds like you need to be heard and get this out!
God bless!

Peace be with you!

[oldlife_disrupted]

Thanks. I was really stressed when I started this thread. Wife gave me a 3 month silent treatment this summer that ended in asking for a separation…she's going through some sort of mid life crisis it seems…meanwhile she has a lesbian friend who's spending *lots and lots* of time with her to the point I think something's up. I've been told several times not to confront this because I have no proof.

I'm feeling better these days. Really relieved the holidays are ending.

That sounds very hard to deal with. Just take it one day at a time and do the best that you can for your children. Always remember that your children are the most important and providing them with a stable, happy life is your priority. If you can, get yourself some therapy to help you process your feelings about her and what she's doing. This will not only help you be a better person but it will help you be a better father. Hang in there!

[brokenhrt52]

I'm sorry old life... I know this is a very difficult time for you! Prior to her asking for a separation and the whole silent treatment for 3 months how was your marriage before that did you see any red flags? You say that she's been hanging around a lesbian friend ... is spending a lot of time with her instinctively your gut is telling you that something's up? Anytime my gut has instinctively told me something... it usually is something! I had a feeling a deep gut feeling that my soon to be ex husband was having some kind of emotional affair the last year we were together and I kept asking and he made me feel like I was crazy... I asked him if he was happy he would reply yes and come to find out one day he just left poof... no word and approximately a year after he left I was at his home doing the push-pull with him not wanting a divorce... I would go over and we would spend a day or two together and then I would try to discuss working on things and he would nod like in agreement until he'd get what he wanted from me and then he'd be gone again would not hear from him for months. Anyways, that one time I was there he was in the shower and I heard his phone go off I thought maybe it was his son texting him back as we were waiting for a response from him! I looked at the text message usually I would never go through his phone however it said "hey toot" I can't make it to the gym tomorrow but I promise you I'll make it up to you I immediately started shaking as I was reading through all the text messages between the two of them it definitely was way more than just a friendship! I texted her immediately and said do you know that he is married still we're trying to work on things what is going on between the two of you?
I then immediately tried to call her back and she would not answer... chicken...
My husband saw that I was holding his phone and started trying to grab it and said what ....what are you doing who you calling who are you calling I said you're Granger girl as that was his nickname for her and he was becoming increasingly angry about me trying to call her like protecting her not caring at all about my feelings or my hurt my pain! I said why didn't you tell me this whole time that it was somebody else I've been beating myself up over this and you couldn't even tell me why why and he proceeded to tell me we are just friends we kidding around..
I told him that's not appropriate kidding around for a married man and I knew by the way he was interacting via text there was way more to the story I knew and know how my husband is and he definitely definitely had feelings very strong feelings for this other woman! To this day 2&a half years later he will still not come clean will not tell me why he left keeps on coming back into my life and then he'll be gone again for months I no longer will be intimate with him but it just feels like everytime he comes into my life again when he leaves it feels like he just left yesterday! I have got to stop the madness I've held in a long time like you to keep the peace but my kids have told me you allow him to walk all over you you don't stand up for yourself how do you expect us to respect you if you don't even respect yourself! Keep on talking god bless

Peace be with you!

[oldlife_disrupted]

Thanks. It really was / is hard to deal with but thanks to therapist and lots of self help books I'm better.

I meet the therapist in 2 weeks and I'm going to discuss this with her. It's been 6 months now and my head never let's it go. I feel like I should at least ask a question by now. Her reasons for me dropping it is that I haven proof, I'll never be satisfied with a denial which I'll get anyway and I don't need this story in my head right now.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I only started suspecting during the silent treatment. I had asked her if there was someone else, she said no, she was plagued with guilt about asking for the separation. Apparently the lesbian is one of a few girlfriends who were supporting her but none of the others are this supportive.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Thanks for sharing your story. Interesting to know they lie even after being caught, guess the therapist is right about needing proof.

[brokenhrt52]

Yes but you may never receive that proof and with that being said what do you think you're going to do ..stay in it to see if things will ever work? Has she gone to any counseling sessions with you? Is she open to working on the marriage?

Peace be with you!

[oldlife_disrupted]

She moved out in September. She's doing individual counselling about her issues but refused me marriage counselling outright. That was f ing hard to swallow. 14 years, I raised her 2 kids like my own, still have a great relationship with them (stepson lives with me full time and stepdaughter is with me for the holidays), she had some really bad medical stuff she's still dealing with and really? Not even a token session?

She swears left and right she just needs space and wants to be alone for a while, can't handle being a wife or mother right now. I chose to respect that space. Right now I'm rebuilding my life, being there for the kids and fixing my financial situation.

As per therapist's advice, trying to detach. I'll make decisions in god time when I'm ready.

[brokenhrt52]

My husband went riding one Saturday and never came back home... everrrr...
I called, texted, emailed every thing I was so worried that something happened to him... It was not until 2days later I called his Co worker and found out that he was still alive and seemed fine. ..
He to this day 2 1/2 years later will not even give me the decency, respect, human compassion of one.... ONE COUNSELING SESSION SO I COULD GET SOME KIND OF HEALING...
CLOSURE...
I HAVE BEGGED AND PLEADED FOR ONE SESSION BUT...
HE WILL NOT!
IT'S SO PAINFUL THAT YOU GIVE YOUR LOVE, HEART, EVERYTHING TO THIS INDIVIDUAL YOU VOWED BEFORE GOD TO LOVE... HONOR AND CHERISH IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD... SICKNESS AND HEALTH... ETC.. ETC...
AND THEY CANT EVEN GIVE YOU AN HOUR AN HOUR TO HELP THE WOUNDED PARTNER...
BEYOND SELFISH, COLD, NARRISTIC BEHAVIOR...
SMH

Peace be with you!

[oldlife_disrupted]

Thanks and to you as well. Happy holidays.

[brokenhrt52]

Thanks...
Good luck!
Will be praying for you!

Peace be with you!

[TimeToKnow]

My wife is constantly negative about our marriage. I am 90% sure she is having an affair. I am in counseling (for various reasons) but am trying to deal with my feelings of failure. I am getting up the courage to confront my wife about her afffair so I can move on....one way or the other.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I recommend a book called Mindful Attraction Plan. This book has a self improvement flavour that has you working on critical parts of your life that make you unhappy and allow you to give power to others in your life.

the goal is to work on yourself and become an independent happier person. As you progress through "phases", your actions towards the toxic relationship change and you either repair the problem or move on.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I've gone through this book and the relationship with my separated wife is changing. In time, she's becoming responsive to the changes in my life. It's still not a good relationship and I haven't come to a point of reconciliation/split yet, but I can assure you the strategy has helped me immensely.