Parental Alienation?

If Mom has forbidden our eldest daughter from speaking with me: "do not talk to him; do not ask him anything, do not tell him anything"
Is that pretty much parental alienation?

I take it you are separated from your daughter's mother. If you have joint custody, or visitation rights, then I would think it's illegal for Mom to say that to your child.

I don't believe that she can forbid your child from talking to you during scheduled visits or call times. I don't believe that the courts delve too far into parental alienation these days, kinda a pseudo science debate if I recall?
I would wonder why 2 grown adults aren't putting aside differences and making coparenting priority number 1? Does she not care about your child?

I don't think she can do that, that also sounds mean to do in general. I hope you are doing OK. I hope everything goes well for you. I am no professional. But I do hope things will get better for you. Stay strong. And know that even if you can't see or talk to her now, that things will get better, and that there are tons of people who reconnect when their children turn 18, so not all hope is lost. I do not know if that helps, but I hope that you will be OK.

Yes it is.
Want to know how I know? because I've endured the same thing as a child and it really did a number on me. You have a right to see your child. If I were you I would start doing research on finding a lawyer perhaps through family court.
Parents should NEVER put their kids in the middle. Its your legal right.

We're all still living together, and she had her parents come up from Florida--I think she likes to feel like she has allies in the guerilla warfare she thinks she's involved in. She spent the first evening screaming at them to not talk to me or younger daughter, so for a couple of days they stopped talking to us. But they're good people, so after a few more days of course they now talk to us. I was just reading some articles (okay, just the abstracts--I'm not a psychologist...) about parental alienation and it makes me so sad to read how older daughter is being put at a higher risk of problems later in life becsuse of what her Mom is doing. In the meantime, I feel horribly lonely to be ostracized in my own home. I am so looking forward to getting me and younger daughter out of here.

The peace that comes after leaving situations like that is amazing. Even the stress afterward is nothing like living IN IT.

Was there ever a time when your wife didn't act like this?

Hope you'll be able to get out of this.. good luck

She was quite splendid the first year we were married, and for a few months before and after the four times we moved in 8 years. And when she was planning big parties, the more lavish the better. Does an image come to mind here?

You seem to dislike your wife very much. I'm not saying you don't have cause. But you seem to enjoy talking about what a dislikable person she is. It comes across kind of strange.

It's like you're looking for allies in wanting others to have a bad opinion of her. If I made the mistake of getting deep into a marriage with a person I ended up intensely disliking, I'm be a little more humble about my poor judgement or naivite. If I selected a spouse who ended up being a poor co-parent to my children, I'ld be a little humble about that too.

You might want to do less gloating about how you're "the good one" in the relationship and more thinking about your plan to have a healthier future.

Allies? When she's physically and emotionally violent to me and my daughter she spends a lot of time making sure I know that it's all because it's my fault and I'm to blame and it's for my own good and that all our friends think I'm crazy and they all agree that my daughter is a little piece of s*** who is spinning out of control, and that I should end up living in a box on the street while my daughter gets locked away in a mental ward and that she's going to make sure both of those things happen. I don't know if you've ever been on the receiving end of constant abuse. From your judgmental and self-righteous comments I suspect not. But just to let you know, it's a very lonely and terrifying place--consistently terrifying--and it makes me feel full of fear, CONSTANTLY--and also almost completely powerless to do anything about it. So I check in with friends and my daughter's psychological care and anyone and everyone I know inculding Psych Central because I'm looking for a balance to the abusive messages. I consistently get a different message, that the stress in my life and in my daughter's life come from her and that my daughter and me are decent human beings.

And yes, I feel very bad about getting myself and my daughter into this mess.

You're giving her all the power to determine everything.

I know you have probably said already why you are continuing to live in this environment but was really wondering unless there is a financial reason like I ended up trapped in....why not get out....your wife would then be by herself the way she wants it sounds.

I'm not clear, you have 2 daughters?

Have you considered video recording your wife's rages?

What does your daughter's therapist have to say? Must be scary to consider that your child is on the brink of hospitalization.

Mr moose, I believe this situation has been going on for some time. I have read your previous threads about this situation.

Last time you had said you were getting your youngest out of their because of the physical abuse she was suffering.

You need to listen. I know you feel like your wife has all the control, and can manipulate EVERYONE into seeing things her way but she can't.
That is her conditioning speaking.
If she is physically abusing your child, you wait til she goes out, you shove some stuff in a rucksack and you take your daughter and get out. Chuck your cell so she can't reach you, and go to the last place she would look, or someone you think you could trust.

I would have thought her parents must see something isn't right.

Don't tell me it can't be done,because I did it, with 4 kids, not one. And I had no one and no place but a friends to go to to start with. But it have me a safe place for a few days to work from.
Your daughters are wrecks because no one is protecting them.
And all they have is you. Your going to have to dig deep and find the help. It isn't going to come to you.

Take care.

I have just had all my kids including my ex telling me what was wrong with me all year. It has been like a communist country with my ex as Stalin. A friend advised me that my behavior in retaliation was out of control. I checked my frustration and anger and started to ask questions and to listen. I got a lot of answers like they all had decided I was mentally unstable and needed to go to therapy. I will go to therapy, it sounds nice to explore myself. Check your anger, ask questions, and act. Ask yourself what brings you joy, love. It's never about right and wrong.