Hollow

It's been nearly two weeks since the wife...ex wife decided to pull the pin on the marriage...via text.
So I have to leave, she's selling the house...yesterday,(Friday), she cut ties on social media..unexpectedly, that was a punch to the gut...I don't know why.
So to torture myself , I poked my head in and she'd deleted our shared photos...
I followed suit, and...well that was gut-wrenching..despite the years of emotional and psychological abuse...it felt like the last of me was cast off.
I acknowledge that it's all done and dusted.. and it really is for the best, that well was poisoned long ago.
I just don't know why it eats at me so..

I can't say I understand stand all your going through. It must hurt so badly. I offer you a gentle and a soft embrace. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

If you need to talk feel free to send me a Private Message. I will get back to you as soon as possible.

I'm sorry and know how you feel. I don't know what else I could say except your not alone.

You know I'm always here with an ear, I wish I could really help. It may be for the best, but, it doesn't make it hurt less. Your a survivor and if it helps, your cared for

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. But at least from now on you can start re-building a better life. Wish you good luck

Divorce is nearly as bad as death--you are closing a significant chapter in your life. Hopefully, the new chapter will be better but it will be different. Even if your marriage was not great, it still must be terrifying to be single and hurt to be rejected. I think when we marry, the interactions with our partner change us--they influence the course of our lives. The longer you were married, the longer it will take to recover. I am sorry it did not turn out the way you had hoped....

This is my second go-round (12 years, 8 of them married)...my first wife (pathological liar, manipulator) grew bored and had an online affair and ran off to Europe...I know that sounds like the plot of a bad TV show. That one was devastating as well, being played for a sap...but I just keep moving forward..I get knocked down, but I have to get up and get back in the fight.

It's hard to let go of something we think is going to be forever. Even if it is dysfunctional and unhealthy. I'm in the same boat.

Yep, feel that too: I kept having hope after hope after hope that the few sweet wonderful things that my wife and I shared could really be the basis for a wonderful marriage and life. But even during the two day rage benders that she has every other week I feel very sad when I see our shared life disintegrating, or she trashes (metaphorically or literally) something else that at one time in the past had meaning and value and a special place in our hearts. And it hurts.

Oh I get where you're coming from...and I know how much that eats away at you. And the crappy thing is there's nothing filling that void..I've been watching my marriage disintegrating over the last two years..the anger, the throwing things, the comments made to cut deeply (something the ex freely admitted to in a convo).
In the end... I gave her an excuse to walk... she pushed and pushed until I broke... spectacularly so... and she took her leave faster than anyone else would have.
It still sucks, but in my position, it was better that it ended, than losing what little remains of my sense of self....I can't allow that to happen.

No matter how obvious it may be that a relationship is over, it still doesn't make it easy. I think I am baring the leaving stage with my husband and the hardest part is thinking of how my new life will be...how it will be for our young children. But we need to do what's right for us and what will make us happy. I have to believe life can be better than it is right now.

It's harder to let go until the point you are gone....then you wonder why you waited so long

Letting go... I know the ex had zero qualms... that is her nature. Now she is demanding I get a lawyer, as she's drafting a separation agreement (asserting domination), knowing full well I cannot afford legal counsel. I do worry, that this is going to be ugly...my ex has a vindictive streak that she's freely admitted to.
Curiously she won't give me any information, but blatantly wants information out of me.
I asked her not to hate me...her reply.."hate is a strong word"

Three months on......moved out of the house, at least the ex didn't spit in my face when I handed her the keys, it broke my heart again, seeing her . I've not initiated contact, she's the one texting me, for the week after I moved out, texting me near midnight almost ever night for some BS reason..
I erased every picture I had of her, of us, and what I hate is that images of her come unbidden to my minds eye. I just keep stuffing that down deep, I'll cope with it later, don't have the spoons for it right now.
I don't want that life back... that part of my life is burnt... still working through the grieving process. And even though my roommate ( he was my best man) is supportive and a stand up guy, I still wake to bouts of profound loneliness, and a lot of despair (going on 4 months and not a job found yet).
Still, every day, gotta keep tabbing on, there are others with far bigger rocks in their rucks.....

Tonight as I pen this, I'm feeling profoundly sad....I'd spoken in my last post about having images of my ex coming unbidden into my head, now they're constant.... and my heart hurts.
I understand the mechanics of grief, but it doesn't take the hurt away... I'm finding my mind drifts to the "what -if" , the "if I could go back".
What made it worse,was on Friday, I'd found out that the two coworkers that I was griping about (which led to my unceremonious firing) are being fired, for reasons I'd complained about.
Now I find myself thinking that if those two oxygen thieves had been fired sooner, I wouldn't have been fired, I would most likely would not have had a nervous breakdown, and wouldn't have f*cked up my marriage.... and I wouldn't be sitting in a tiny room, hating myself, pushing everyone away, and want to either curl up in a ball, or walk off of a bridge.
I find as soon as I lay my head down I think of he, I feel sick to my stomach, I wake up to despair, and that profound lonliness ......
All I want right now is to be able to tell her I'm sorry.... and to have her hear it.... but that is a fantasy, and a damned impossibility. My marriage is long done, had been done for a year before all this, according to the ex,and I know it and accept it.
I know this is a part of the grieving process, but it still eats at me so....

Yes, if a marriage cant survive problems there is something way more wrong with it long before now, causing it problems.

It has to be difficult not knowing the exact cause of the marriage failure. I tried to be specific when I left my H after 33 years. It was difficult because it was the same personality issue I had before the marriage that had caused me to seriously consider cancelling the wedding in the first place.

Relationships are complex. Not easy to figure out. Hope you get through this greiving process & soon see light & peace

In Dreams......
So, it's a holiday weekend here (Thanksgiving), and I find myself in kind of a dark place.
My ex wife put a lot of stock into family, and the attendant gatherings... so they always had a lot of emotional import. I dread holidays now... in this new normal.
My family disavowed me, I chose that result because I stood up for a spouse, and in my current state... I'm having dreams about the ex almost every night, and that weighs heavily. Last night I dreamt that I was trying to patch up the rift, and she was deliberately sticking the emotional knife in and twisting it, by shoving this new guy in my face at every turn (this male had no discernible identity, just a male)....and I am exhausted.
I don't want to sleep... memories are ever present, and the coming weekend is the second anniversary of a much more traumatic event.
I know this sounds a lot like whinging, and I guess it is.. just need to let out some of the black bits.

I too was unceremoniously dumped, without explanation, a while back. What I learned is that I don’t “ own” anybody or anything in this life. It’s all lent to me.
Things can go sideways in many ways in this life. The sooner we learn to trust ourselves and take control of our thoughts, the sooner we will get through the grieving process. My ex showed no emotion whatsoever. Could care less if I lived or died. Some people can do that. So I finally was forced to care for myself.
What hurt more, and I need to remember this , is the death of people that truly loved me and would never have abandoned me. This will be painful, but is it worth the self inflicted wounds ? Crumbling to pieces over someone who obviously, for whatever reason, doesn’t want you anymore ?
We come in alone , and we leave alone in this life. Don’t ever put your heart in another humans hands. Learn how to live in the moment. Have gratitude for all the good moments you had in the past. For they are gone. Fill in this moment with not the content of past moments, but fill them with all that you can be grateful for right now. It will be difficult no doubt , but you can come out on the other side of this, probably better and stronger than before.
Best wishes.