I Think I Learned Too Late:

Tell us about it!

So, we (the band) are at the local airport cafe. There's a Latina that works there. Stunning, but doesn't seem to know it. Her name is Joanna. She's 5'11, late 30's perhaps early 40's, just stunningly made, like a Van Gough in jeans and a t-shirt, and she has the kindest vibe about her.

I was really emotional today and she asked me for me order, and when pur eyes met, the compassion i saw in her gaze caused a tear to burst from each eye and roll down my cheeks.

She looked at me and said, "You have kind eyes."

I choked a little and said, "I'm sorry, im just very broken and emotional today. I've ruined everything ive ever been involved in."

She replied, "I'm not afraid of you, blue eyes. You are a sweet spirit."

I thought i was going to melt.

So, when i was paying my bill, she waited on me, and i told her, "You have such a kindness about you. I feel it when you are near. Its remarkable.

Indeed, you are beautiful, but the sweetness of your spirit is the most beautiful thing ive ever experienced..."

She looked down and then up, and with a beautiful smile said, "Awww, Man...you just made my day, my week and my year..."

I realized it had been years since i felt this part of a woman....i miss it.

But, you know....

I feel like its wrong to feel that kind of electric shock from another woman.

I love my wife who broke something deep inside of me.

But, it was ok to be dumped by a text after 9 years and told that she only needs our combined incomes.

I'm so confused...

PM's are welcome too.

Got the house clean, all the laundry done, vacuuming and mopping....now, I'm just sitting here all alone.

I guess that's what I'm supposed to do????

Anybody still awake??? My wife went out with her two best friends and i can't sleep until i know she is home safely....

Good Morning. Its so nice to wake up to a clean house, waxed, hardwood floors, the secent of lavender incense, a good cup of coffee and the sing of birds outside at the feeder....

Lonely times for me....

I was in a band when I was young I was lead singer and I played the guitar This was in the late 70’s and we did top forty. We played different clubs nice upscale clubs with fine dining There was more live entertainment back then.

I am sorry that you are feeling so alone right now. This is a time where you can sit and reflect and learn more about yourself and begin to plan what you want to do next in life. You can still find a partner that is capable of appreciating you as a person where you can once again enjoy more intimacy. It is best to do some healing first so you don’t end up dumping on a potential new partner.

Good advice.

So much of my healing has already taken place. Ive learned to react calmly to things that used to trigger me.

Like the dog hair from our daughter's dog. It used to really get on my nerves because i couldn't keep up with the cleaning, and i would comment openly on how much it bothered me.

I realized that this stressed my wife and daughter big time.

Last night, i walked in to our daughter's 95 pound sheppard and our adult son's 80 pound pitbull eating from piles of food that were just dumped on the floor.

I try to keep our home hospital clean, i didn't stress, i politely excused myself for a walk and i just reflected on how my past behaviors had caused stress and i took the opposite action

When i got home, i hung out with the kids and after our son and his GF left, i cleaned up the mess and nobody was stressed.

I'm a much better listener. I'm not such a neat freak.

Spending 4 years without physical intimacy has taught me restraint and that i can be faithful even when being rejected.

But i so miss romance and giving poetry to a woman...

I miss just kissing...

I miss dragging my finger along a woman's arm, so lightly that goosebumps appear in my finger's wake.

I miss running my palms across a woman's body to "feel" her beauty while describing how her beauty speaks to me.

I miss looking into my partner's eyes as we climax, just to see the torrent of emotions in her eyes.

God how i miss being missed...

Being wanted for something other than a paycheck.

I miss holding hands....

I miss the part of me that died......

Where's @Tart Cherry Jam???

I picked up my 15 year old son for a visit this morning. We decided to crash a church in the high desert for absolutely no reason.

Praying for peace and the panic attacks to stop.

I liked the story about the Latina who is both stunning and kind!

I'm scared of how her kindness reached inside of me. I could resist her physical charms, but not her kindness. She melted me instantly.

Today i started a new program to create, within myself, the perfect husband, even though i have no idea where my wife will come from!!!!!

Today, i started on a brand new journey towards self-healing to an even greater degree, to make myself better at understanding, being compassionate, including self-compassion and building a better self image.

I've lived with any physical intimacy for (4) years and have remained faithful to my wife.

Lat year, she told me she felt guilty that i had to live without physical intimacy and she released me from any vow or covenant i made with her and she set me free to go find someone to share physical intimacy with, even offering to meet that prospective person and assure them that we would have her blessing.......and i still stayed and remained faithful.

She still cuddled with me every night until July 2nd, 2023, when she sent me the breakup text.

From that moment, she stopped cuddling with me, she stopped wearing her beautiful wedding rings, she quit kissing me goodbye (just a peck) in the mornings and she quit telling me when she was leaving....all of these changes, quote literally, from one minute to the next.

Very hurtful, even after 4 years of no lovemaking, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think enough is enough.

Right now, its practical for us to maintain our home (which requires two incomes) while we work to divide assests and bring a few other financial matters to a close.

Since we have had a legal separation for years now, i gave up all claim to our family home, and I'm good with that decision. I put up the cash to get us in the home, but my credit rating had been destroyed back then, so i couldn't qualify for a loan.

My ex-wife is currently suing me for increased child support for ny youngest son (he is 15) and hr attorney is trying (unsuccessfully) to attack my current wife's income, but the legal separation has effectively blocked that effort, and this isn't the first time the ex has employed this tactic.

It's been a really tough time in so many ways. Just getting hit from all sides.

I always felt like my relationship with my wife was solid and that i could rely on that being an emotional "safe place" and losing that has brought on waves of feelings of abandonment, self-worth issues, panic, fear, sorrow and depression.

I cry all the time and often without any apparent trigger.

My current wife has offered to purchase a home for me outright, in consideration of my contribution to our present home.

@Tart Cherry Jam -

Something that came to me this morning that i wanted to share with you...

A couple of years ago, i asked my wife one afternoon while we were cooking together this question:

"Why did you marry me?"

Her answer was, "Because i saw your potential. "

I was expecting something like, because i am crazy in love with you, or were at the time, but looking back, that's very haunting now.

May God bless you kind spirits today....

I survived the darkest period of my entire life. I'm still here!!!!

I’m sorry, please don’t beat yourself up. Paying attention to your own behaviors that can be a challenge to others is something you can improve and work on changing. You can’t chang others.

I'm felling better today. Much better.

Well, the A/C went out upstairs and its 89°F in my office....LOL

Yes, you mentioned it in the thread above and I also thought that it must have been hugely disappointing to hear and yes, in hindsight it was a very sobering response.

So, last night, my wife told me she wanted to plant a lavender bush outside the front door. Our topography is lots of rock, so i knew, that to do this, meant driving a star drill through pieces of solid rock and pull out the pieces, all the while avoiding the fiber optic cable and the sprinkler pipes.

I told her, "let's do it tomorrow night." (My usual answer to household chores)

It was 100°F when i got home tonight at 6pm. My wife asked if i was hungry and i ssid, "Not yet. I need to dig this hole."

I've procrastinated a lot in my past and i decided to do the opposite. With a hammer and a star drill, i started breaking up the rocks. The sweat was dripping off my face, but i broke through and made a 8 inch hole, 12 inches deep into which the bush fit perfectly.

My wife asked me, "why did you do this right away?" "You always put things off, then forget about them."

I said, "I'm keeping my word and I'm training myself to be the perfect husband for a wife someday. I won't have to ask her out, or pursue her. She'll notice me and she'll see my value, whomever and wherever she might be, but it all starts with a better version of me..."

Then, i watered the plant, put the tools away and im having a glass of ginger ale before taking a shower.

Here's my toughts right now.

I'm flawed, but I'm willing.

I'm broken, but I'm worthy of love.

I'm nothing that anyone wants....right now.

But, in time, the right woman will see my heart, she'll read my poetry, she'll see me as someone she can feel safe with.

I will rise above this, and im not waiting another minute to drown in my sorrow.

I'll rebuild the empire of my soul and my queen will come to me.