Need someone to talk to....new here

I am new to this group and just wanted to introduce myself as well as out a question out there. I am recovering from anorexia nervosa. I still have my bad days where I just want to over exercise and not eat anything. But, then there are days when I can't help but to over-endulge in the foods I once restricted. At night, I keep waking up every three hours craving foods and I know it's only because my body is craving protein, but then E.D. begins talking to me the next morning and I feel guilty and, well, fat. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how do I deal with these guilty feelings? I am not overweight and I play soccer so I understand that I need to eat. I guess all I really need is some support.

Welcome

I know its hard, I never knew I had an ED but I knew I had a fear of food, Many people in my family are either alcoholics or drug addicts so Food was my choice of drug and from the sexual abuse I went to food..if I got fat no man would want to touch me.. and then I became afraid of food when I wanted to lose weight, Im over weight and have lost ALOT so far but it doesnt seem to feel that way and I cant see the difference most days, its fustrating as hell and I do that too, binge eat at night time even if its a apple or a sandwich the guilt eats at me all night long and I feel like a big cow and then I dont eat all the next day to make up for it. I know the right things to do, I know how to do it healthy but my brain and anxiety just wont let me do it.

Take Care and know that you are not alone.

i agree, sexual abuse and ed often go hand in hand. i know when i'm really scared by men, i get so sick to my stomach that i can't force food down without it coming back up. freedomseeker, i wish the battles connected with anorexia had an end in sight, but for me so far it seems like it's going to be a lifelong battle. i think it depends on how soon one gets help. for me the anorexia went on for twelve-fifteen yrs. before i hit bottom (hospitalized), got help, and finally went into "remission." most of the time, i accept the daily mental challenges (those that you speak of) and try to just think about today. the "one day at a time" really does work if you can grab hold of it. during the days that are especially overwhelming or when i start to slip up and head downhill, finding support is crucial. i'm glad to hear that you have some support--here is one place to run to when you start to notice the "red flags." it's during those times that i often will post and people reach out to me. (thank you all for being there) i hope you find the same as well. from one to another...cat ((((fs)))))

((((((FreedomeSeeker02)))))))) Welcome! Glad to have you here!!

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so glad you found us here on the forum...
WELCOME

Thank y'all for your support. I too experienced sexual abuse, but took it to restricting rather than over-eating. I felt that it was my fault so I restricted like crazy and worked out before and after school, only eating dinner, and then working out more in my room. Most of it was punishment and then dissociation kicked in. I tried becoming involved in so many clubs, just trying to keep my mind off of the rape. My mom finally found out what happened and got me help but nothing worked until I was hospitalized. I just wish my body image would improve because I am so tired of having to worry and take other's opinions about my body. I want to be able to see the "real" me.