The Intense High

I've had binges for awhile. But I had one early this week. I've never had such an intense high as I did this week. My high started before I ever took a bite of the food. Just walking and picking up the food. I was just in a dazed high. Just floating high. I don't taste the food or feel the food in me. I just sat in my car for hours eating this food feeling the high. Now I'm sitting here wanting to feel that high again. Why can't this just stop ? I get so angery with myself after.
Monty

Hi Monty,
I don't know what to say about this I'm very vaguely familiar with eating disorders but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
(((((((((((MONTY)))))))))))))))))

Hi Monty

I used to binge and starve - was never brave enough to make myself sick though. You must think of your teeth as well as your body, and when the urge comes on, think of something else. Do something else. Do something that gives you a high. There are more things in life that give you a high or do something that simply interests you. Sit down and start writing lists of things to do - occupy your hands and your mind.

Do not allow a basic instinct to take over your life - like eating (which we must do to survive). Eating should just be a background to your life not your complete reason for living. Don't be a slave to it, we only pass this way once. Don't waste your life on it.

Get on with living and let food be something in the background, like taking a shower or cleaning your teeth. Do not be beaten by this! Only you can do it!

All good wishes, JuneB

I don't know if this would help you but it does me somewhat and that is welbutrin. It seems to get rid of whatever makes me want to do that and eases the tension. I feel for you. It is a terrible thing to go through. I never really felt a high from it more of a why am I doing this and why can't I stop feeling? I'm in therapy now too. I don't know if you could stop it without help. Attekus

I know what you mean about the "high" from binge eating, and my T has given me some insight on it. Apparently you experience disassociation; in my experience I felt like my body was moving uncontrollably, and my mind was numb yet buzzing with a sort of "high" like you referred to. Food is just as addictive as any drug, since it can produce the same buzz... and then, of course, there's no way to cut food out "cold turkey," which kept me binging and purging every day. Even with the best intentions, I couldn't ever just go into the kitchen and eat a single meal -- whenever I'd start eating normally it would trigger a binge. And there was no way for me to redirect myself once I felt the urge to binge; when I tried, the obsessive thoughts and urge to binge would permeate my mind through reading, working, etc.

I found that meds were my lifesaver. Before I could master my thought pattern, emotional drive to eat, etc. I had to find some stability in my eating habits. Binge eating is like being in a tornado -- my whole life was in a state of emergency, nothing could be internally repaired until it stopped. Otherwise even when I would get better, the binge eating would still come back full force, and destroy all of my progess (emotionallly and psychologically).

Attekus wrote that Wellbutrin (SSRI) helps, and Lexapro (SSRI) helped me, initially. But sometimes the binge eating is a symptom of something else. For me, this was bipolar, and I was put on Topamax (anti-convulsant/mood stabilizer) then Lamictal and Provigil (ADHD/sleep disorder stimulant). I highly recommend topamax or provigil -- they both gave me the freedom to eat normally, and not crave food all of the time. The biggest difference was how I thought about food: two months ago I would hear someone say "pizza" and only crave/think of eating the whole pie, whereas now when I hear it even thinking about eating the whole pie makes me feel sick.

Good Luck,
Jessie

Hi Jessie, I was dx'ed with DID almost 6 years ago. Food is a real addiction. But it will have to always be in our lives. I've just started on Wellbutrin almost 2 weeks ago. I can tell it's started to work, but not really sure how much it will help yet. T asked me what I was thinking or why I thought that I binged for. Think I binge when I get to be to overwhelmed by everyday life. Just going to work, dealing with ppl and always feeling like I have to be someone who has it all together. Get to a breaking point and I binge. T said that I binge because I'm getting a "satisfaction" from it. All I know is I Love the high and hate the guilt and myself after.
Monty

Hi Attekus, I always feel and think that, "why do I keep doing this?" And I say I won't do it again, but I always end up doing it again. I'm glad your in therapy now. It will help. Good Luck, Monty

Hi JuneB,
I tried purging a few times, but it made me feel completely out of control purging. So I've gotten into the cycle of the binge and starving thing. For awhile I thought that it wasn't a big problem because I don't purge. I've gotten to the point of hating myself and hating feeling so guilty and not being able to stop it. I knew then that it's a problem. If I feel so bad about doing this then something is wrong. So I started talking to T about it. It's still very hard to stop.

((((((((((((((((((((((( Jax ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you for thinking about me and sending your good thoughts.
Monty

Hey Monty girl, It sounds like you do what I do. Binge eat and then starve. Do you exercise too? I used to all the time but I don't so much anymore especially since I got the wellbutrin. If it hadn't been for the med. I would still be binging all the time. Part of the way I would try to control it on my own was not to have anything in the house to binge on because I don't have a car and don't go out too much so that helped buy it really limited what I could do. I hate the way I would feel after a binge because I am afraid to gain more weight because my clothes are already kinda small on me already and I want them to fit. I know that my binging is a way to deal with something but I need my therapist to help me find out why and help me learn to deal with it and anyway with me, binging isn't the only thing I do that I can't control very well. It's always something. Well take care of yourself and if you can try to get some meds because they could help you with binging.Bye Attekus

that is so true!! that explains me to a tee!! and thats what topamax is doing for me!!