[whoswho]

Um, never mind... <embarrassed>

[AngelWolf3]

Hope the hugs are ok. The title of the thread piqued my interest...sorry you felt embarrassed, I do understand that. But if you change your mind and want to run the idea by someone, feel free to PM me that's cool... if not that's fine too, but I am curious!

Now smile

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by AngelWolf3

Hope the hugs are ok. The title of the thread piqued my interest...sorry you felt embarrassed, I do understand that. But if you change your mind and want to run the idea by someone, feel free to PM me that's cool... if not that's fine too, but I am curious!

My idea was to have a thread specifically talking about our relapses and/or bad days and what we learned from it and will do differently from now on. I think it's important, because 1) Many of us feel too ashamed to admit a relapse, which only keeps us stuck hating ourselves and the resulting shame only fuels the disorder; and 2) It's important to discover and acknowledge what our triggers are, so we can either avoid or learn to manage them.

So, there's my idea. Sorry I got weirdly anxious and self-conscious about it. I don't mind starting it either, but I guess I should ask if anyone else thinks this is even a good idea at all.

[0w6c379]

I think it's a great idea and applaud you for putting it out there. Even if it's just to sound off, like you said. Just to admit you're having trouble is a bit of a release.

Thanks for your quote too. I can really relate to that. It may look easy but just getting up and out is a big deal for some of us.

[buttrfli42481]

I, too, think it is a great idea. Especially when this is often the only place some of us get support for our EDs.

[whoswho]

OK. Thanks everyone for the support. I really hope other people join in as well... So I guess the point is to acknowledge what happened non-judgmentally, but also provide an alternative or solution to whatever the trigger might be.

Just wanted to say that I had a pretty bad week this week. I've been feeling very out of control and was binging and purging every day. I barely survived yesterday and today without binging and purging (maybe small "anorexic" mindset binges, not full out "bulimic" binges, but nonetheless feeling out of control and freaking out afterwards).

I have a hard time with dinner because it's the only meal of the day I'm not in control of. I tend to worry about this, which causes me to undereat throughout the day, and then (ironically make my worst fear happen) I overeat for dinner, freak out from feeling full, and just get into this crazy panic mode. So from now on, I am going to try to eat a little more throughout the day, and supplement dinner with a healthy salad (which I can make beforehand and at least feel in control of that) to cut down on my normal dinner portion.

We'll see how this works. I'm really glad this week is almost over...

[HealingTimes]

Hi, can i join?

I have been teetering on the edge of a relapse/slip up and am really trying to pull myself back from it.

[Warrioress]

I'm sorry that you guys have been having trouble. Good luck with your new plan whoswho, and keep holding on HealingTimes.

Lots of hugs to both of you

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Hi, can i join?

I have been teetering on the edge of a relapse/slip up and am really trying to pull myself back from it.

Yes, of course you can join!!!

If it's OK to ask, what do you think is currently triggering you? What do you do to "pull [yourself] back from it" that helps?

How are you doing today?

[HealingTimes]

Hi Whoswho.

I am not sure what is triggering me, to be honest. Maybe it's talking about my stuff in therapy.

Normally, to pull myself back from it, i don't over think...in fact i try NOT to think at ALL about food, as it all seems too much and i cant shake the feelings of being a failure if i eat properly.

Today has been another tough one; had therapy this morning and feel really uncared for by my therapist.

Sorry, now i am just moaning.

How about you, whoswho, how are you doing?

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Hi Whoswho.

I am not sure what is triggering me, to be honest. Maybe it's talking about my stuff in therapy.

Normally, to pull myself back from it, i don't over think...in fact i try NOT to think at ALL about food, as it all seems too much and i cant shake the feelings of being a failure if i eat properly.

Today has been another tough one; had therapy this morning and feel really uncared for by my therapist.

Sorry, now i am just moaning.

I don't think you're just "moaning." I think you identified something important: you feel uncared for by your therapist. What is giving you the impression that your therapist doesn't care? Perhaps this is something you can address with him/her. Or, if he/she is unable to meet your needs (feeling cared for is a basic human need, after all) perhaps a new therapist is in order.

But yes, therapy can be really stressful...

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

How about you, whoswho, how are you doing?

Things are pretty volatile for me at the moment. I think this "slip up" has turned into something more. It seems to have gained a lot of momentum and honestly I'm having a hard time even getting my foot in the door when it comes to controlling my eating behavior.

It's not only the binging and purging that I've been struggling with, but I've also noticed my self-esteem (what little there was) plummeting. When I get dressed in the morning, I mentally start freaking out: Are my pants tighter now than they were yesterday? Did my stomach really stick out this much? Have my legs just suddenly expanded, exponentially? Been getting stuck in this loop of self-deprecating thinking a lot more, lately.

Today, so far (mid-afternoon) has been going well, probably the best day I've had in several weeks. It's very touch and go right now, I'm scared to hope that I'll make it through the day without binging and purging because it seems that every morning I wake up determined to do better but ultimately fall flat on my face. Perhaps I'm a bit hypocritical in that regard, because I am very ashamed of myself for getting this bad again... well, it's hard, and I'm just going to take it a moment at a time.

So, talk about rambling... Thanks for asking though.

[HealingTimes]

Hey whoswho, how are you today?
Thanks for responding to my rambling

My therapist is great, and makes me feel supported and safe most of the time, it was just my stupid mindset that ruined the session.

Sorry to hear you are struggling with the ED, i really do HATE this illness with a passion. The way it can mess with our minds so easily, its really hard.
I have been struggling with bingeing too, so i hear you. What kinds of things have you learnt in therapy/treatment, to help overcome the binges. I find that distraction works really well for me, as well as writing. Even if i sit down and write "i dont need to binge" over and over in different colour pencils/pens...it takes me out of that mindset sometimes, as silly as it sounds.
Sending you hugs (if thats OK).

[whoswho]

That's a great idea, "I don't need to binge." I really might try that.

I'm pretty excited, actually made it yesterday, and so far today also. What is that, 36 hours? YAY!

In all honesty, I never went to therapy to address my ED. At all. Mostly because I was never underweight, so most professionals didn't really think I had a problem, or my problem was "that bad." Although, I've been binging and purging either through exercise, laxatives, vomiting, or fasting since 11 or 12. I used to binge and purge 20 times along with literally half a box of laxatives every day at my very worst. I did briefly try to bring it up in therapy, but I always had to press the issue and it felt like I had to try to convince everyone that I was actually sick (and I was always thrown to the wayside as soon as a "real" ED patient came in) so I gave up talking about it with therapists (and basically everyone I know IRL)...

So I just do everything on my own. The distraction thing does work. I also try to prevent myself from getting really hungry by eating many small meals throughout the day every 2-3 hours. I try to keep my diet as healthy as possible, with lots of produce and low fat dairy. It's difficult though because I'm not currently the one buying the groceries around here. Right now I just try to completely avoid binge foods as best as possible. Maybe with time I can learn to eat like a normal human being but until then... I just want to be a little more stable first I guess. Also, moderate amounts of exercise has been so helpful in just changing my attitude and helping me not hate myself so much all the time. I'm slowly getting used to what it feels like to just be "in" my body, in my self...

Most of my methods are suited more for long-term progress I guess, but I do have a lot of difficulties in the short-term, dealing with those immediate crises or impulses. So I have never really stopped completely, but usually my binging and purging is maybe once or twice a week (except the last two weeks were really bad). But that idea is really good, I'm really going to try it next time!

[HealingTimes]

Well done for making it yesterday!
I am trying really hard this evening. I definitely struggle more after 6pm (its 6.20pm here) than the rest of the day. I feel like dinner just sets me off on a binge a lot of the time.

I understand what you mean about not being taken seriously because you were never underweight. When i was in my Anorexic phase, i was taken seriously but was in denial and didn't want the help..but now i am in a Bulimic phase and am normal weight (or a little overweight i think, actually), i really struggled to find a therapist that took me seriously.
Luckily, i found the therapist that i have now, and she had 20+ years of BED and COE so understood perfectly well that you can be normal/over weight and be just as ill as an emaciated person.

I also find that when trying to avoid a binge, i will give myself a time limit. For example, at 6pm this evening, i could feel that i was in a binge kind of mood (if that makes any sense?), so i looked at the clock and said to myself "right, if i still want to binge at 7pm, i will allow myself to"..then came on here to distract myself for that hour (so far so good!!). Then, what normally happens, is that it gets to 7pm, and i think "well, i made it an hour...i can make it another hour"...and then, the urge passes. Not all the time, but some of the time. If i can prevent even 1 binge a week by doing this, it's worth it to me