bulimic rant

I am sick of being me. I hate the way i look. I lost 40 lbs and im at a weight of 220lbs. Im still a big fat PIG. I have started purging again and broke my 3 month streak. I seriously dont deserve to eat and if i do i deserve to purge it back up cause im too fat for food. I got enough fat on me to last me for years. I want to weigh 100lbs. im 5ft 3 so its not a bad weight. I also want to have a totally different face cause frankly mine is so ugly it shatters mirrors. Who would honestly want me? WHO? who would hang out with a fatty like me when you have a skinny beautiful W**** 4 blocks down the road.

funny thing is a month ago i did not see a ugly fat girl. I saw a 220lb girl with beautiful eyes and hair. Now i see is a cow with cloths on.

sorry for the rant im just emotional now. I just got off a very long manic high. And i know im crashing and i have not hit the bottom yet so im going to do anything in my power to stop it. I am not going to SI but purging i will do. I hate this life i have.

(((((blackdragon)))))

u feel just how i do & im anorexic

at 5ft 3in if u was 100lb u would b underweight
im 5ft 4in & bin under 120lb 4 me is under weight
if u want 2 talk pm me

T.C

((((((((((((( BD )))))))))))))

Supposedly a person's beauty is in their heart and soul, rather than in how they look... ppl should accept you for who you are, not for you weight, and if they can't accept them then that's their own loss rather than yours...

40lb is an awful lot to lose, did you lose it healthily? You say you're bulimic, were you dx'ed by your dr? If so then maybe you could be referred to a nutritionist who could adivse you on how to lose weight slowly but so you'll keep it off. I know what you feel like when you say you don't deserve to eat but purging can cause so much damage to your body in a short time (from what I've read). Small (but healthy) regular meals are supposed to be the trick. Perhaps if you had small healthy snacks throughout the day (eg an apple, or a small salad) you wouldn't feel so guilty, after all, nobody can gain weight from eating an apple. Taking your vits is important too since purging can cause electrolyte imbalances which can lead to heart failure.

((((((((blackdragon))))))))))

You are a wonderful girl with beautiful eyes still.

Everything is going to be OK, BLACKDRAGON!!!

First do what the post before me said "SilverQueen-" yes also agree to eat the healthy crap such as the salad, apples, the Adams Peanut Butter, the raw nuts and seeds, a whole lot of that DARNED LOVABLE Screwy Brocolli, oh yea and you gotta love some good homemade slaw. Mayo won't really kill ya or make ya fat, the stuff that IS REAL BAD , with your weight loss is milk products that aren't real low fat(and hydrogonated oils) ONE MORE THING.

(This is a suggestion not a real threat) I am sad TO HEAR YOU SAY BAD WORDS ABOUT YOURSELF AS NOT A BE-U-T-FUL WOMAN. Others of us are possible feeling poorly too because we TOO are "well Plumper than it seems to be of comfort, of joy, of pleasing to the eye of man and beast," BUT (Please let yourself slow down on "unkind phrases and likenesses") How about stopping that BLACKDRAGON!!! We can make it through it in a group, YOUhave us supporting you every day, I will think of you and send good thoughts your way " EVENTUALLY little by little, bit by bit. breath by breath it gets better." (try this only if you want too) Take a deep breath,......sigh............another..........sigh.........another............sigh
OK Lets start again tomorrow............sign............everything is all right............breath...........sigh...............another breath.......

BlackDragon, I am not feeling good today. I too was a 200 pounds last June and am now a 160 pounds. Read my posts. Anyway, right now I am purging and started to smoke cigs too. I feel like the living dead (rottenest than ever) Just to let you know, if you read the post I did, that I am not going to let this beat me up. We are possibly going to eat better, maybe tomorrow we will eat better, not too much and not too little. Wouldn;t you like that? Also .....well even though it is 9 am I stayed up all night and really need to lay down. (potty, I guess kept me up) anyway, tomorrow hopefully tomorrow there will be improvements. I know how feeling like doing yourself in in some stupid way, like eating a bunch of crummy bad for you stuff, or taking too many downers, but not enough to really hurt you but enough to be stuck in bed for 3 solid days and too tired to get up to wash and too tired to get up to make the coffee. Well I am glad we could be friends. Hope your day goes better, m aybe mine will straighten out tomorrow, lol. Razeljenny

Wanna loose weight? This is what I did after my weight went up from Medicines. It is as easy as take in less Calories and exercise NO TRANS FATS! Cigs will just kill you even more and same thing with eating disorders.

Do you seriously think that the kind of person you are can be overshadowed by your weight?

Remember, you are only talking about the physical side of what makes up YOU, remember you have a personality and intelligence and many things that a person who gets to know you will admire.

Who knows what people, such as a partner, would like about you? So it is not up to you to determine that. They will discover that for themselves.

If you are overweight and you don't feel attractive, find a healthy way to lose weight. Get a personal trainer or a dietician. Look after yourself because it will be the bulimia that turns people off you and not your weight.

My thoughts are with you.

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goldmaiden said:
Look after yourself because it will be the bulimia that turns people off you and not your weight.


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Quoted For Truth.

Man what a week. I don't know about Blackdragon, but me, I am tired so tired of using and doing the laxitives. I am not kidding. I realize how demoralizing it is to do this. I do agree that being overweight and larger due to eating too much is better than smelling and sounding like poope. So The large looming question for me is to ask myself what to do now. For now 5 days I have taken 25 magnasuam pills, and 10 stool softeners with sennodes. I have used up quite a bit of t.p. I have made the home bathroom unpleasant in more ways than I can list or desire to disclose. Yet I still took more of the laxitives at lunchtime. I ate a bag of potatoe chips at ten oclock after group and that determined that I was to do a purge.

The real truth is being told. The story is being put on paper here. Some more is to be shared here.

I had an appointment with L. at 1 pm and probably should not go there because the Laxitive will be kicking into total swing at that time or shortly thereafter. We had a movie date. RRRRRRRRRR

A bulimic rant ........................................