Sorry if you get this twice, my computer is having "issues". There is a Trigger Warning on this email as I do talk about ED.



I failed in recovery. I was making so much progress while there. I don't know what happened. Since being released on December 19th, I am over 5 days into relapse (I have been restricting again--however I HAVE been eating at least one meal per day).

I can't believe I relaped in less than a week! I must be really weak or ED (the enememy) must have a much stronger grip on me then I know. :'(

I can't believe I failed.

I wrote this while at Rader and truthfully I have not really changed my mind even though I WANT to. Or at least I think I want to. I just don't know anymore. Thanks for listening.
Anjuli

<u>“Choice”</u>
By Anjuli Hurt
November 28, 2006

Life?
Death?
Make a choice.

Death
with ED?
Life without
ED?
choose.

Right now
at this
very moment
I choose
ED.

Life without ED
is still
Death.

[nothemama8]

you have not failed you just had a set back, you can restart good luck

[Brookester]

Anjuli,

You will get back on track when you want to. The great thing about it is it is totally up to you. You can eat when you want to or don't want to. It is your body. But remember, you only have one body. Congratulations for attending Radar. Good Luck.

[jacq10]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now ... but yo just have to believe, and keep telling yourself that you CAN do this. you ARE capable of fighting this ... baby steps.

(((((((((((((ArH1)))))))))))))))

[zombiette]

Don't think of it as a relapse, just a set back...if u've come so far you CAN stay there and continue getting better. By the way, i like ur poem, especially the last line. Life without ED may seem like death right now as when something has been a part of ur identity for so long it's hard to let go and come back down to reality, for reality is a hard, scary place if u don't quite have the tools to deal with it. but, what i have found is life w/out ED is like a rebirth, a second chance. All the best