[-Astral-]

for some reason i wanted to go vegan wanted to not eat as much food hoping it would makes me lose weight but a friend told me am doing it for the wrong reason and starving myself will only make me binge more bought a load of vegan food but i can eat it any way still going to be veggie.

i lost weight dr said i have wanting to lose more too fat disgusting

[swansoft]

I think ive been in recovery for 4 months now? The progress and life improvement has been unreal and amazing beyond what i ever thought possible for me but im still recovering and still REALLY going through it. Somedays just compassion can be difficult.

[-Astral-]

Just deleted my account on a pro eating disorder forum ...i feel like i'll miss it and the others who are there but my husband had enough of me having a go at myself everytime i go there and post he says he wants me to be healthy i have ago at myself because i hate myself for my weight and other reasons he says he will help lose weight the right way ( am obese ) i feel like av lost a big bit of support there but its the wrong kind of support its support in to starving myself i should be getting support for other reasons but i cant stop hating myself ...unsure if i'll ever like myself

[Sarmas]

Trying to eat real meals but I'm still having a tough time. I talked myself out of eating dinner again. Still working on it.

[swansoft]

I'm in recovery and i finally got my period back and even though i should be happy it was so triggering. I feel so alone and terrified and ugly and weak.

[subtle lights]

again

[aloneinmusic]

Can't take this anymore. If I'm not under my thinnest again by mid september I'm ending my life.

[-Astral-]

((((((( hugs ))))))) please try and hold on can you ask for a sooner appointment if you tell them your are struggling they should be able to help you



I hardly ate today am back on the pro ed site forum again
**** know what am doing , i need to do something about my body am obese and disgusting lost some weight but its dont seem like its enough for me my husband says am doing well and that i need to stop being harsh to myself
thing is i hate everything about myself am a fat ****

[-Astral-]

am nothing but a fat **** i ate like a ****ing pig today at my groups and the day isnt ****ing over yet am going to be the size of a house am already obese going to put more ****ing weight my husband says i will not but i know i will

[subtle lights]

I'm tired of this.

[Blue_Bird]

I ate a whole box of cereal throughout the middle of the night, so pissed at myself.

[Gr3tta_0]

I am cooking renal diet for my wife. All the tracking nutrients and measuring everything has been incredibly triggering. But i want to donate my kidney, if not to her directly, then through the swap program, and i know they won't take it if I've relapsed. It's very difficult.

[Starving2death]

I have active anorexia nervosa. I wanted to see if this thread had any recent entries. Anyway I'm checking in because I just joined PC again for the first time in years.

I'm doing very poorly due to malnutrition. This has led to major depression coming alive.

I'm just so tired that I just wanna lay down and stop living. I feel out of touch with the world. Maybe it'll get better.

[eskielover]

I found that having many interests & being heavely involved in the community I moved to & leaving the stress of that life behind it has been much easier to eat healthier. I was recovering from my last anorexia time after going through a trauma when I moved here 10 years ago to my new farm. For some reason having my dogs & animals being totally dependent on only me (living alone) for care has made me more conscious of caring for myself....not gaining too much or losing too much but staying at a healthy weight....i feel so much better about life which translates into feeling better about food & just me....never thought leaving a bad environment would make that much difference

[em124]

Hi there,
I have struggled with an eating disorder (Anorexia) and body image distortion for quite some time now, and I am despartely in need of some support. I am so scared of gaining weight, afraid that if I don't live up to my minds expectations of myself- I will not be happy. I am scared to look at myself in the mirror in fear that I might find parts of my body looking different than it did the night before because of what I ate that day/night. I associate eating less = more will power and success=which will lead me to achieving my goal of maintaining the ideal weight/body shape I have and want. One of my biggest issues right now is being very busy at work, and eating very little throughout the day (due to lack of time), and so when I get home I am really hungry and usually tend to eat more than what I had during the day. Having more of an empty stomach when I get home makes me want to eat an extra portion - creating fear and anxiety that I overstuffed my body and now my body is going to hold it all in as extra weight bc it was not used to having that much food in my stomach. I just create all this fear for myself when I am not sure if it is necessary---I don't even know what is normal anymore.

[eskielover]

Therapy is good place to work through these issues. they are personal issues that only we can resolve ourselves with the help of a good T working with us.

[Starving2death]

So it's two days later than my last post. Still feel the same and that's unfortunate. I'm leaving to see my sister so I can try to break the current episode of not eating so I will survive. I know it's a bit redundant but I need to let it out.

My brain is really messed up. I'm thinking about doing a water-only fast to see how long I will live without food. Not to kill myself, but to see how long I can hold out before I give in. I figure I'll give in at some point.

[eskielover]

Give in or collapse from mal-nutrition & end up in the hospital with a feeding tube or a central line for IV nutrition. Been there, done that....the results aren't nice.

[-Astral-]

Eating like a ****ing big yesterday and today and tomorrow am going to a church thing that has cake and am going to eat like a pig again

[Gr3tta_0]

I am very hungry and it is comforting.

[eskielover]

Stress, hot weather, & pain issues have made eating more difficult & have lost some of my gained weight. Still in healthy range & plan on staying there . Went out to eat with friends yesterday & my body didn't handle eating that amount of food very well. Brought home some of the food for a later snack. I hate when things hit like this. So much better controlling my weight with healthier eating rather than not feeling like eating. Food is the first thing that seems to go for me when stress gets high & too many decisions need to be made that I have to struggle with making.

[Gr3tta_0]

I really do not want to relapse in case i need to donate a kidney.

But if i already can't i don't care.

Sitting on the fence is painful.

[eskielover]

The logical mind wonders if it's important to be healthy to donate a kidney for someone else's life, isn't it just as important to be healthy for your own life?....it's obvious it's NOT our logical mind in charge of our eating issues.

[Gr3tta_0]

My pcp listed anorexia as a final diagnosis after my last visit even though she didn't say one word to me about my weight being too low or ask me one question about my eating.
This infuriates me.

[LucyD]

I am back. I am sorry I was rude and judgemental last time I was here. I hope you all can forgive me. I haven't been back sooner because I felt too bad.