[eskielover]

So busy & exhausted, just trying to eat enough to keep up my energy. One way to get through the holidays without gaining & actually loosing a little of what I have gained in excess. One reason why it's good to brave a little buffer. Same when I get sick. That buffer within healthy weight zone keeps me from goińg too low. Best to stabilize at a healthy weight where I can enjoy a good meal & know if I get really busy in demanding project that I won't be harming myself just eating a minimum amount not having time to make a meal.

apetite's not been as heavy the last few days- or as much as it was over christmas

I'm still eating my fair share of junk though- more junk, less proper food

it's new year's eve today and i'm going to have another picky tea (with crisps and sausage rolls and stuff), just like I had over christmas, and tomorrow I am having a christmas dinner (only i'm out of turkey so having pork)

even when my apitite isn't that much I still eat a lot.

almost like it's drilled in to me.. drilled in to a part of my brain- you have to eat anything you see

yesterday I had a bit of a picky dinner for new year.

I had 2 plates- 1 with savery stuff, and 1 with sweet

(among the things I had 4 shortbread biscuits)

I'm sort of glad that I didn't eat anything else during the day, that was a lot to deal with (but still managed to eat it)

I don't think i'll be eating too much for a few days.

ate raw food last night (and really payed the price for it)

still feeling a little sick and it's now the next day.

should probably go for something small to eat.. just to say i've had something, but I don't know what

I might resort to chicken soup. sort of worked in the past..

[Verity81]

Want to binge and purge so bad but I know its just cos I feel sad and angry.

[may24]

This week was mess but I'm determined to get back on track and change my habits...
There is so much going on lately and I should try to keep myself busy or I'll end up doing something stupid and regretting it. *sigh*

[may24]

I thought I was doing better but I'm not... I feel stuck and I don't know how to stop this

[-Astral-]

ate apple rice cakes and banana and slim a soup so far today
its seems to be a lot to me but my husband says it not enough keep going back to the pro ed site cant seem to get away from it ...am going to try post here more and stay off the pro ed site

[eskielover]

back to the pro ed site cant seem to get away from it ...am going to try post here more and stay off the pro ed site

Just like with alcoholism....you cant hang around with drinking buddies & expect to stay sober.

Hanging around that thinking fuels the fire of pro ed....NOT a healing process. Please stay away from those sites. My experience with anorexia several major times is that loosing weight can become addictive.

[-Astral-]

i'LL Try and stay away from there my dr is also presuring me to lose weight ( am obese ) and she knows i have an eating disorder but has asked me to not snack and to write a food diary the thing is that i keep forgetting to write it all down

[Elio]

Weight loss and calorie intake based triggers -

Possible trigger:

I'm so pissed that I have only lost 1 pound over the last month. I've lost from 326 to 177 and am trying to get to 125. I'm only 5'2" so that is totally within a normal range. I'm just so pissed because I keep telling docs that I can't eat more than 900 cals a day and still lose weight. They all say that is not maintainable over the long haul. I know.. that is what I tell them and that they need to figure out why I don't lose on more calories. According to my fit bit, I should have lost 2.5 lbs just this week - and each week for the last 4 wks. No they want me to try to eat closer to 1200. If I go over 1100, I gain. I think I'm going to drop back down to the 800-900.

Thanks for listening.

[eskielover]

Sounds like a metabolism problem you need to find another MD who focuses on that....sounds like your MD might be stuck in his thinking & not willing to think outside their box

[Stuck1nhead]

I look down at my stomach and it doesn't feel like I'm looking my stomach. It's like I'm looking at someones else's stomach. I can feel my arms, legs, back, neck, crotch, etc... but not my stomach. I pretty much forget it's even there. Which I think is bad because it's pretty big and so are my man-boobs

[aloneinmusic]

Everything's difficult lately. I feel so empty all the time, physically and mentally. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I gained some weight over Christmas which has been a really distressing experience for me and even though I know I'm still realistically at a low weight, I've never felt this huge.

The last month I've spent desperately trying to lose as much weight as possible which has started showing. But it just makes me sad that I'm so keen to undo every attempt my body is making to save me. I noticed I even gained back some muscle in places but in my head it's all just fat and it's stopping me from being at my thinnest, so I can't bear to have it on me.

It's just never enough. It's endless.

[Elio]

Dropping calories again after telling t I wouldn't. I don't care.

[-Astral-]

dont want to eat ...back in the pro ed forums again
husband going to make me eat ...

[eskielover]

Glad you have a H who cares about you. That is the good thing about it.

[-Astral-]

finding things hard me and my husband got new tiles at our shower and bath i had a bath and i could see my reflation and i look so fat and disgusting i dont want to eat very much my husband telling me that i need to eat
am going to my dr's today who does nothing about my eating disorder apart from weighting me i put on weight i feel very low to the point of suicide

[eskielover]

Sadly in many ways anorexia is passive suicide in its own way...end result if not controlled is the same. Sad to feel that way. Is weight the only reason for feeling this way? Are you dealing with depression issues also? Do you have a good T you can talk through your feelings with? ....My MD would only trest HEALTH issues connected with the anorexia, not the mental health issues. That was the job of T & pdoc....hope you can get through this & get some good help.

[feversome]

today i feel like i am not progressing quickly enough towards a BMI of 19 from the 22 i'm at. i feel like i overate today and i'm running out of time to get the reaction i want from the lecturer i have feelings for. i finish my whole course in 6 weeks and i feel desperate to be thin enough to impress him by then. the scale is stuck and i want it to be lower.

i feel silly because i am 30 years old, and i feel angry with people who think i need to change my personality instead of my appearance, to be a big strong caring mature woman who no one with schizophrenia can be. i was overweight for my WHOLE late twenties and half my early twenties being on medication. i refuse to ever be like that again and i want to look as thin as a thin 20 year old to make up for lost time.

[justxholdon]

I'm increasingly frustrated that there are double standards in my relationship. I have to eat X things and x amount of times but she can 'snack' through a day - if that. She thinks telling me her opinion will change my body image just like that. I am growing to resent her because she is underweight and it's ok and yet not okay for me. Does she not understand the mixed message she sends me when she tells me I'm "perfect" but her body isn't? I want to scream.

[aloneinmusic]

Basically told myself if I'm not a certain BMI by late this year (which is a very low BMI) I will kill myself. And now it's stuck in my head. Those low thoughts plague me every day anyway but now my ED has put a twist on it too. So my only option is to be as thin as I possibly can, I won't want to live anyway if I'm not.

It also kind of kills me inside that I'd probably be that thin already had I not gained over a 10 day period at Christmas.

[may24]

I've been doing better in past 2 months, but I'm really struggling today. I'm feeling so hopeless and I'm afraid that I will never be able to eat "like a normal person" again.
I'm trying my best but I always end up having some kind of slip up. I feel so frustrated

[subtle lights]

After years of being okay with this (bulimia), recently it's started again. I can't do this, I already have digestive issues. So yeah...new low.
Hope this was it...hope I can stop