[sinking]

Im using food (starving or bingeing) to distract myself and not think or feel.

its working because i feel psychologically and emotionally numb thank to it, but i feel i have lost control. how do i gain it back?

i cant go on like this, its too much. please, help!

[Blueberrybook]

It sounds like you need to get professional help. Are you seeing a pdoc or tdoc, specifically one with training for EDs? It sounds like that is what you need. Even if your weight is normal, it is not a good method of controlling your emotions; it sounds like you know that.

[sinking]

Thanks, its so overwhelming, i cant sleep because all i can think about is food. it consumes me to the point of thinking about sui to end it all.

Being diagnosed with OCD doesnt make it easier. im seeing a T and only recently (2 sessions) opened up about struggling with food.

i think it made it worse. first session she seemed concerned, second session it was minimized and made me feel invalidated. now im more obessed than ever.

how do i stop it and how can i take the control back? its out of control. im going crazy

[sinking]

i talked with T but it was of no help. as always i have to do it all, all alone…
where can i go for help?

[Blueberrybook]

Sounds like you need to find a new T. Sometimes, your primary care doc can give you a list of recommendations or search online. I think you need a T with a specialization in EDs, especially if you are to the point where you are thinking about food and it is causing you to be unable to sleep.

[MoxieDoxie]

Worked with a T for 2 years but could not get rid of my Bulimia. Started working with a new Trauma T, he figured out the core problem, and my Bulimia has been in full recovery for so far, cross your figures, 4 weeks. No sign of it. I can eat normal again and actually be on a diet without getting triggered.

[sinking]

My T is quite specialized in EDs as she also has an ana group, but i think she doesnt believe i have an ED, only OCD and this hurt me even more. not only she is invalidating. she is dismissive and misunderstanding. it is not (only) about how to stop the thoughts about food, its about being the weight and the shape i want for myself. why doesnt she believe me?
i feel SO ALONE in this.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry to hear you're in a tough place.

Sinking, the definition of what's considered an eating disorder is simple. Are thoughts of food or, behaviours around food, having a serous impact on your life?

It seems like the answer is YES!

I have no idea why your T is being so useless. They just are sometimes. The fact that she runs an ana group is irrelevant (and frightening!). One of the worst therapists I saw had a reputation for being 'really good with young people'.

I'm a recovered anorexic / bulimic. You definitely can recover, sinking.

It will happen much sooner if you're being assisted by GOOD ED groups / medics. I've found that many feel completely stumped by anorexia etc.

[sinking]

Thank you P.V.B., it is all consuming, i dont know how to go on anymore. this is torture. im SO tired.

i wish i could skip these months (because i guess it will take months) and find myself at my goal weight and not feel the need to eat anymore. maybe it may sound impossible but i've already been there so i know it is achievable. and this is where im going and aiming to and i SO want it done right NOW!

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sinking, this is a good start, in getting more help. They're UK based, but are part of Help International.

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org....ices/helplines

As you'll see, there are chat rooms you can go into, support groups, self-help programmes, details of real life support, too.

I'm sure there will be an equivalent in your part of the world. Or stick with these people, for now. They have an email address, on the first page of their website. They really want people to contact them!

To be honest, this eating plan you've been told to stick to, with a desired weight goal at the end...

It doesn't sound great.

I don't mean to be negative about the advice you're getting from your medics. But that is the kind of thing the clueless therapists do.

Bear in mind, a T can never really admit they don't know what to do.

I really feel there is a huge variance in the quality of treatment for ED's.

I'm speaking from experience. The therapist I mentioned in my post above also gave me an eating plan. And... some foul and totally ineffective tablets to chew (they were supposed to swell up in my stomach and decrease my hunger). She absolutely had no idea how complex eating disorders are. She actually made me much worse. I felt that giving me these diet pills meant she agreed that I was repulsively overweight! As for the eating plan. I couldn't stick to it. And felt like a failure. But nobody can stick to a diet like that.

There are other ways, sinking!

You don't have to be hungry!

I really hope this gives you some options. And hope!

[sinking]

Thank you PVB, this made me look for more help, i need more help. i dont think my T can give it to me. she sent me via email some pages from a book to read but they were completely useless.

Possible trigger:

Honestly i have found a pro ana group useful. it made me feel i can gain back my control. i know it is not a real help, but it did help me feeling better…

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thank you PVB, this made me look for more help, i need more help. i dont think my T can give it to me. she sent me via email some pages from a book to read but they were completely useless.

Possible trigger:

Honestly i have found a pro ana group useful. it made me feel i can gain back my control. i know it is not a real help, but it did help me feeling better…

I understand, sinking. It's such a desperate and awful feeling, being in the grip of this compulsion.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that those sites hold no solution (big hugs).

The key is probably to get to the heart of why you have developed this obsession with weight.

I'll say it as I see it, but of course this is just my opinion! I think perhaps you should be really honest with yourself about what's happening.

The mindset that you have moved into is essentially a phobia of fat.

It's tempting to use euphemisms, or complicate things, or escape into the fantasies of the pro ana sites. But that will just delay the day when you can get free of this horrible disorder.

It's other things, too, like self-harm, a cry for help, a disgust for your own physical needs etc

But that's the place to start, I think.

If you join a good ED recovery forum, you will learn so much about yourself, and never look back

[sinking]

My T doesnt even think its an ED. she tends to think its "only" OCD, rumination of thoughts.

i dont know what it is or why… i only want to feel good in my own body. reach my goal weight. look as i want to look. and ana is the way.

my T not taking it seriously is only making me (or my thoughts or feelings) feel not real.

i want to feel real and feel good in my body

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi Sinking,

My heart goes out to you because I have been in this spot before and had no idea what to do. When you feel like you have no control of your mind or life situation, then you want to channel it into something. To be honest for years I looked at some life stressors I had as an adolescent as triggers, and I think they were, but I also think I had an undiagnosed mood disorder and maybe other issues. Something in my brain snapped and I was dealing with it through an eating disorder. Therapy didn't help (think I needed a different technique), and I didn't try any meds. I wish I had figured out what was really going, because I managed to recover completely from my eating disorder, but struggled for another 15 years before realizing I needed to see a psychiatrist. It seems you are not connecting with your therapist. I had this problem and gave up but finding the right therapist and technique is crucial! You can totally do this, I have been recovered for 10 years and never looked back. Also, mindfulness stuff like meditation, distracting myself from my thoughts and thought stopping were things that helped me. Analyzing my thoughts even more for "why" was not personally useful to me, since it was never about the food to begin with. I wish you a complete recovery.

Originally Posted by sinking

Im using food (starving or bingeing) to distract myself and not think or feel.

its working because i feel psychologically and emotionally numb thank to it, but i feel i have lost control. how do i gain it back?

i cant go on like this, its too much. please, help!

[sinking]

My T too thinks its more about trying to control my thoughts and/or feelings than my weight.
i think its both.
i both want to have full control on myself and to feel good in my own body… and i dont think theres another way than this.
gain back the control, eliminate ambivalent feelings/thoughts, eliminate comfort eating/bingeing and i'll be ok.

[Gr3tta_0]

Sometimes i think T's can get distracted by ed things - then they are a distraction in T just like they can be in real life. They just work too well!
I wish you whole wellness in body and mind

[sinking]

Im losing my mind... how do i cope?

Do you have an Overeaters Anonymous near you? Members have all types of eating disorders despite its name. I don't go regularly anymore but have popped in when things start feeling out of control. Sometimes just to get face to face support from people who have been there. Take care of yourself.


QUOTE=sinking;6153755]i talked with T but it was of no help. as always i have to do it all, all alone…
where can i go for help?[/QUOTE]

[sinking]

I realized i always had the control in me, just not letting it out.
I DO HAVE THE CONTROL. I DO!!!!