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  #726  
Old Dec 19, 2022, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
No, but I figure it's just from straining my esophagus/stomach lining. It's only a little bit and only when I'm (trying to) purge so I'm not super concerned.
That is possible. I done it myself especially with reflux.
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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries

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  #727  
Old Dec 19, 2022, 05:31 PM
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I'm back to my normal stuff. Not really restricting anymore though. I'm just eating pretty decently. Although I didn't eat all of my ice cream since they filled it to the top and added whipped cream for some reason and I haven't had dinner yet. My therapist says I need more carbs. She says I need bread. I haven't eaten straight up bread in ages. Even bagels or english muffins....
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  #728  
Old Dec 20, 2022, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I'm back to my normal stuff. Not really restricting anymore though. I'm just eating pretty decently. Although I didn't eat all of my ice cream since they filled it to the top and added whipped cream for some reason and I haven't had dinner yet. My therapist says I need more carbs. She says I need bread. I haven't eaten straight up bread in ages. Even bagels or english muffins....
That is amazing
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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  #729  
Old Dec 20, 2022, 02:30 PM
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Today I haven't been hungry, but for real not hungry. I don't know if its the meds or what. I haven't restricted though. To be honest part of me just feels too lazy to make food. I'm mainly eating yogurt and fruit. I am going to buy some bread though.
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  #730  
Old Dec 20, 2022, 02:43 PM
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Figured out how to purge again. Apparently I just can't get away with doing it 10+ times a week. I told myself I would eat normally today, but this morning I made a bowl of Mini Wheats and threw that out, then opened a yogurt and threw that out, then cried because why can't I just eat like a normal person? So I haven't eaten anything yet today and it's almost 3pm but I worked out for 40 minutes along with running around the house playing with the kittens so hopefully I won't binge tonight.
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  #731  
Old Dec 20, 2022, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
Today I haven't been hungry, but for real not hungry. I don't know if its the meds or what. I haven't restricted though. To be honest part of me just feels too lazy to make food. I'm mainly eating yogurt and fruit. I am going to buy some bread though.
Some time different medication will cause a person to eat more or eat less.
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #732  
Old Dec 21, 2022, 05:01 PM
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I was doing pretty good at not eating like a kid. I wasn't eating Lunchables or a lot of apple sauce. Then today I bought a can of Campbells spaghetti which screams 8 year old. My therapists pretty much don't even give a **** what I'm eating as long as I get in enough calories protein and carbs.
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  #733  
Old Dec 22, 2022, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I was doing pretty good at not eating like a kid. I wasn't eating Lunchables or a lot of apple sauce. Then today I bought a can of Campbells spaghetti which screams 8 year old. My therapists pretty much don't even give a **** what I'm eating as long as I get in enough calories protein and carbs.
That is amazing
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #734  
Old Dec 26, 2022, 02:17 PM
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Things haven't been good over the holidays (loads of binging/purging) but I'm trying to get back on track.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #735  
Old Dec 26, 2022, 06:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
Things haven't been good over the holidays (loads of binging/purging) but I'm trying to get back on track.
I’m sorry that you are struggling. Take it easy on yourself.
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #736  
Old Dec 27, 2022, 11:47 AM
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I'm tired and sleeping a lot and so I'm not eating as much. Or else I'm just grabbing an apple when I do get hungry which fills me up for awhile. So I don't think the restriction is on purpose really. I think my tiredness is just overpowering every other emotion including hunger
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  #737  
Old Dec 27, 2022, 03:59 PM
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I forget to eat. I noticed how tired I am
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #738  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 11:56 AM
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Yesterday I tried eating like a "normal" person and I think I succeeded. I feel like I overate though, but all that chocolate from Christmas was tempting so I'm not going to beat myself up over that (who wouldn't eat those orange Kit Kats they got in their stocking???), I'm just gonna be happy I didn't binge/purge or restrict.

I did cry this morning because my mom ate the last of our tuna and I really wanted some for lunch today, but then I put on my big girl boots and went out and bought some. Now it's trying to actually get myself to eat it, and stop eating when I'm done
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  #739  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 03:13 PM
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Have not binged or purged in four days (as long as I can make it the rest of the day which I should be able to do). I think I'm starting to get this under control again.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #740  
Old Dec 31, 2022, 03:07 PM
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I'm doing decently and trying not to focus on the number but how I'm looking. My therapist has never seen me without a giant hoodie since its the winter and obviosuly cold out. I get comments by therapists without my hoodies on. Its really not my fault though how my stomach looks, and the fact I was mostly just chest before my top surgery.
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  #741  
Old Jan 03, 2023, 01:21 PM
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I'm not restricting really I just have some disordered eating going on. I didn't want to eat anything hot for lunch. So I didn't want any rice. I need to save the rest of my bread for tommorow when I can't go out. So I just ate what was on my nightstand which was 5 Twizzlers and called that lunch.

I pretty much just eat bread yogurt and fish these days.
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  #742  
Old Jan 04, 2023, 10:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I'm not restricting really I just have some disordered eating going on. I didn't want to eat anything hot for lunch. So I didn't want any rice. I need to save the rest of my bread for tommorow when I can't go out. So I just ate what was on my nightstand which was 5 Twizzlers and called that lunch.

I pretty much just eat bread yogurt and fish these days.
That is good that you’re not restricting as much.
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #743  
Old Jan 04, 2023, 11:03 AM
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I have not binged or purged in over a week!
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #744  
Old Jan 04, 2023, 06:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
I have not binged or purged in over a week!
Never mind....
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
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  #745  
Old Jan 05, 2023, 03:33 PM
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Today was another bread, yogurt, and fish day. I'm kinda restricting because my stomach and anxiety feels off and I took a middle of the day nap so I ate lunch for dinner. I worked out this morning for the second time this week.
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  #746  
Old Jan 05, 2023, 06:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
Have not binged or purged in four days (as long as I can make it the rest of the day which I should be able to do). I think I'm starting to get this under control again.
That is good
__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
  #747  
Old Jan 05, 2023, 06:55 PM
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Getting fccking sick of every other thought being about food or numbers.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #748  
Old Jan 06, 2023, 01:43 PM
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How many yogurts is too many. I've had 6 today.
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  #749  
Old Jan 08, 2023, 04:37 PM
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"I don't wanna be myself/ it's making me so unwell... I don't wanna be myself/ just wanna be someone else."
Nothing but Thieves- Soda

Still stuck in the restrict/binge/purge cycle. I'm literally planning on binging and purging so hard tomorrow just because my mom won't be home and I can spend hours doing it.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #750  
Old Jan 09, 2023, 03:33 PM
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My therapist said my lunch of a can of tuna and a cup of black coffee is bad. My body aches from working out 3 days in a row. I want to sleep for 12 hours.
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