[Mountaindewed]

Working out because I have a few minutes to kill before I get in the shower, or doing 30 squats because of stressful news, I guess is not a healthy thing to do. My mom told me working out too much can be just as bad as any other eating disorder. I don't know if my workout over did things or my brunch from Taco Bell did. If I don't eat anything else today, I'd be considered restricting. I have stuff planned for dinner, I just don't know if I have the appetite.

I'm just super full. I'm not restricting on purpose. I don't like how low I am but I'm not hungry. I took a second pepcid so I'll see how it goes.

[Mountaindewed]

I was busy today. And by the time I got home my schedule was messed up. I didn't restrict on purpose but I didn't work out.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I was busy today. And by the time I got home my schedule was messed up. I didn't restrict on purpose but I didn't work out.

That is awesome.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm not very hungry today. I did eat but before 9AM. I just now ate some Ritz cheese sandwhich crackers. A therapist suggested I eat those when I have trouble eating. I miss working out and I think I can get back into it by Sunday or Monday. I need to take it really easy though.

[Buffy01]

All I had with Children Fill A as a late lunch early dinner.

[MuddyBoots]

Thanksgiving dinner... f**k!

[Mountaindewed]

I keep thinking about how when I was 13-23 and I was treated differently. Food was restricted by my staff when I was 14 16 and 17. They even had a lock on the fridge at one point in 2009 at a group home I was at. My doctor harped on me nonstop from 2011-2018. I know shaming doesn't work very well in a lot of cases. In my case I was so fed up with everything that I started working on myself in 2016. And now I seem to be heading in the opposite direction then I was when I was a teenager and a young adult. Some things just stay with you and mess with your mind though.

[Mountaindewed]

I managed Thanksgiving ok though. I haven't eaten with a group of people since the summer. I sat at the head of the table next to my uncle and my moms weird cousin who sat down after I did. I ate very slowly and it took about 20 minutes for me to finish 2 small pieces of turkey, and a scoop of stuffing and mashed potatoes. I hate eating in front of people, it makes me so uncomfortable. My uncle knows I'm consicous about things so he probably understood. At home though I can slam down 2 Taco Bell bean burritos in 5 minutes if I'm by myself.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I keep thinking about how when I was 13-23 and I was treated differently. Food was restricted by my staff when I was 14 16 and 17. They even had a lock on the fridge at one point in 2009 at a group home I was at. My doctor harped on me nonstop from 2011-2018. I know shaming doesn't work very well in a lot of cases. In my case I was so fed up with everything that I started working on myself in 2016. And now I seem to be heading in the opposite direction then I was when I was a teenager and a young adult. Some things just stay with you and mess with your mind though.

I’m sorry that you had to go through that. None of my three brothers would let me eat

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I keep thinking about how when I was 13-23 and I was treated differently. Food was restricted by my staff when I was 14 16 and 17. They even had a lock on the fridge at one point in 2009 at a group home I was at. My doctor harped on me nonstop from 2011-2018. I know shaming doesn't work very well in a lot of cases. In my case I was so fed up with everything that I started working on myself in 2016. And now I seem to be heading in the opposite direction then I was when I was a teenager and a young adult. Some things just stay with you and mess with your mind though.

Damn straight some things just stay with you. My dad always said "If you can pinch an inch you need to lose weight" and had me drinking water like crazy instead of eating. My weight's been fluctuating so much over the past few years. Pretty sure I have EDNOS/OSFED if not legitimate bulimia.

[Mountaindewed]

Today wasn't too bad. My med increase is causing me to lose my appetite a little bit but I'm still eating. I've been eating fruit lately which I haven't done in awhile. I worked out twice this week. Today I may have gone a bit overboard so tommorow will be a rest day if I can control myself. I wonder what my new therapist will say about things. They all say different things but the last 2 have said I am fine where I'm at if not bordering on being too restrictive with things.

[Mountaindewed]

I don't know if I restricted today or not. I ate what I consider a normal amount but it was mainly just snacks. High in protein snacks though. I know I went a period of time this morning where I was pretty hungry but ignored it. I've started chewing gum but for non food restriction reasons.

[Mountaindewed]

I restricted today but I wasn't feeling good and I was super busy. I sent my therapist an email last night about being worn out and she responded with just like more carbs and protein in the morning and **** like that.

[Mountaindewed]

I guess I restricted just because I ate most of my stuff before 10:30AM. Its getting kinda late and my mom was going to get some takeout. I was thinking of getting a hotdog so my body doesnt "eat itself" as my last therapist told me it would. But I'm also just super tired.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I restricted today but I wasn't feeling good and I was super busy. I sent my therapist an email last night about being worn out and she responded with just like more carbs and protein in the morning and **** like that.

I’m sorry but you are struggling right now.

[Mountaindewed]

My mom harped on me yesterday because I barely ate anything. I was so tired though. Today was better but my food quality could have been better. I worked out this morning and got a new piece of workout equipment. I do really need to discuss this in therapy though.

Pretty much where I always am, seems like nothing is filling me up

Always ending up hungry.. I don't like it

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My mom harped on me yesterday because I barely ate anything. I was so tired though. Today was better but my food quality could have been better. I worked out this morning and got a new piece of workout equipment. I do really need to discuss this in therapy though.

I’m sorry that hear that. Yelling is never good for anyone.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I’m sorry that hear that. Yelling is never good for anyone.

She didn't yell. She just said I didn't eat enough. She knew I wasn't feeling good though.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

She didn't yell. She just said I didn't eat enough. She knew I wasn't feeling good though.

Okay! Sorry for the misunderstanding on my part.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Pretty much where I always am, seems like nothing is filling me up

Always ending up hungry.. I don't like it

I been there myself.

[MuddyBoots]

I went one week without purging. I've been finding it difficult to do so lately (only blood comes up) so have kinda been forced not to. My case worker says I should be proud because I haven't binged and tried every day, but I'm just not feeling it.

It's like I'm not proud of being 50 some odd days clean from substances, but again that feels like it was forced because it's part of my conditional discharge and if I get drug tested and test positive for anything, I'll be forced to go back to the state hospital (which will take at least a month out of my life).

I also feel like it's basic human things to do. Most people don't eat half the house and throw it all up and don't feel the need to feel accomplished to do so. Most people aren't proud that they're not drug addicts because it's not a thing most people go through. If most people can do the basics without feeling accomplished to do so, why should I feel proud?

[Mountaindewed]

My pdoc upped one of my meds. Then my endocronolgist upped my t shots. So my anxiety and paranoia and nervousness are a ton better. My hunger has been kinda a ***** though. I'm just shoving in the Greek yogurt and fish for protein and the pasta and fruit for carbs. Today I managed although nothing really filled me up.

Not having this dumbass crippling anxiety feels so good though.

My brother in law and 9 year old nephew dropped by just to say hello and my mom gave my nephew a couple of my coats that I don't find mature enough. They still fit though. My brother in law said they will fit my nephew in a couple years. And my mom said "now you can wear Uncle Mountaindeweds clothes!"

Yeah I do not have the body of an 11 year old. Way to make me feel like a scrawny weenie.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I went one week without purging. I've been finding it difficult to do so lately (only blood comes up) so have kinda been forced not to. My case worker says I should be proud because I haven't binged and tried every day, but I'm just not feeling it.

It's like I'm not proud of being 50 some odd days clean from substances, but again that feels like it was forced because it's part of my conditional discharge and if I get drug tested and test positive for anything, I'll be forced to go back to the state hospital (which will take at least a month out of my life).

I also feel like it's basic human things to do. Most people don't eat half the house and throw it all up and don't feel the need to feel accomplished to do so. Most people aren't proud that they're not drug addicts because it's not a thing most people go through. If most people can do the basics without feeling accomplished to do so, why should I feel proud?

Your doing great! Have you seen a doctor about the blood?

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Your doing great! Have you seen a doctor about the blood?

No, but I figure it's just from straining my esophagus/stomach lining. It's only a little bit and only when I'm (trying to) purge so I'm not super concerned.