[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My therapist said my lunch of a can of tuna and a cup of black coffee is bad. My body aches from working out 3 days in a row. I want to sleep for 12 hours.

Geez thats my breakfast like 3 times a week. Only with creamer and a WASA crispbread or two. But basically the same.

Also it is surprising to me how wiped out i get from exercising. It doesnt feel THAT hard while im doing it. Good news is, i do eventually feel improvement, like after two weeks of being consistent, like every other day.

[Mountaindewed]

Is it technically purging if your throwing up in order to feel better physically, not because you binged? I thought I needed to eat but I ate a yogurt and that just made things worse. I tried 2 advil and that didn't work. I tried a heating pad and that didnt work. So now I don't know what else to do but I feel sick as **** and I want some relief so badly. I honestly dont know if I really do need to throw up. How do you know?

I just ****ed myself up though I know that much.

[MuddyBoots]

Just read this

Many factors can contribute to an increased risk of suicide or attempted suicide among people with eating disorders. These include suffering from multiple forms of mental illness, family issues and conflicts, social isolation, a sense of being a burden to others, a history of previous suicide attempts, a disregard for the dangerous consequences of their behavior, tolerance for high-risk, impulsive behaviors, and a sense of fearlessness when it comes to death.

I have literally all of those factors.

[Deilla]

I did a little bit of overeating today. But I'm full now. I think I will be fine until the morning.

[Mountaindewed]

I haven't eaten much since Saturday and today I mostly ate before 3AM then for dinner around 2:30 I had 2 fish tacos with just the fish, lettuce, cheese, and tomatos, and half of a cheese quesadilla. And my mom says that I am "close" to where I should be. Really? I mean maybe my idea of food really is messed up. But I also had 3 yogurts and 2 pieces of bread today aIong with 1/2 cup of chai pudding and some popcorn. So I mean, how is that not plenty? I have to stop eating the second I feel full (which is pretty quickly) or I get worried I'll feel sick later. I honestly swear its just hard to please these folks. Or else I'm so far up my *** in denial.

I told my therapist I wouldn't take any progress pictures for the next week. She asked me what I thought I was able to do. Not weigh myself for the next week, or not take progress pictures. I told her progress pictures.

She said my goals this week is to not do the progress pictures and to eat every 4 hours.

[unaluna]

"Before 3 am"? None of my business of course but do you really eat in the middle of the night? Like then you stay up? I know i sometimes have problems with my wake/sleep cycle too, but you even beat me. I know mine is due to my mother working afternoons when i was a baby (from 6pm to 2 am), i used to stay awake in bed waiting for her to get home. Then while i was working, i often got called in the middle of the night, and at one point worked the nighttime 12 hr shift for almost a year. I was pretty much a basket case after that.

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah, because I finish eating at 3 in the afternoon. I don't have like big meals before 3AM. Just like bread and a yogurt or 2. But I do normally eat before 9AM most days then just have a small lunch and dinner.

Today I slept until almost 4 so I didn't eat anything until 6.

[unaluna]

I think im confused because AM is morning - midnight to noon. PM is "post meridian" - afternoon - noon to midnight. But it looks like you say 3 AM as afternoon?

[Mountaindewed]

I start eating between 1AM-3AM in the morning but I always finish eating everyday by 3PM in the afternoon.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

the other day I was flushing so much that at the end I drank a **** ton of water to try and get the last bits out and then my side started hurting so badly right where my kidney is, and I was shaking like a maraca.

I felt better after peeing and having some salty crackers

Four purge-free days later I had an appointment for an injection (two days ago) and she sent me for blood work. My creatinine levels were off (but that could be from having Li toxicity several times), but everything else is back to normal.

[Mountaindewed]

I've been taking pictures which I told my therapist I wouldn't do. I also haven't been eating out like I said I would. Partially because of the food itself. But then the anxiety of eating in front of people too. I won't tell her about the pictures but I can't get around the not eating stuff I don't think.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist has never seen me without a baggy hoodie on. I don't know how she'd react if she saw me in a T shirt and jeans.

Man am I so hungry to the point I'm almost not. I've restricted all day. I'm having fish for dinner in a bit. I've had 4 cups of decaf coffee without cream from the keurig. I got two boxes of Gogurts which just makes it easier to restrict.

[MuddyBoots]

Binged/purged yesterday. I'm really trying, and I'm getting better about spacing them out. It was 4 or 5 days since the last time. Even if it's twice a week that's much better than twice a day.

[Mountaindewed]

The restricting yesterday messed up my sleep last night. Today I ate mostly before 10AM. I had a couple chicken tacos with just chicken and tomatos and a small plain cheese quesadilla for lunch but everything was small and in corn shells instead of in flour shells. And so I'll probably end up not eating anything else today which my therapist would consider restricting since theres more then half the day left. Even though I ate plenty.

They (my mom and therapist) just never seem pleased at the amount I eat or the times I eat when I am eating.

[Deilla]

As long as I'm taking my weekly diabetic med on time, my eating is normal.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist said that I have to eat whenever I get hungry. Even if I am feeling some other emotion. I had a hard time taking her seriously because she was eating candy or something during the session. She is quite large and my T shirt could probably fit on one of her arms. I know I restrict and have issues, but I also feel like I know a thing or 2 too about weight management after 7 years of managing things.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My therapist said that I have to eat whenever I get hungry. Even if I am feeling some other emotion. I had a hard time taking her seriously because she was eating candy or something during the session. She is quite large and my T shirt could probably fit on one of her arms. I know I restrict and have issues, but I also feel like I know a thing or 2 too about weight management after 7 years of managing things.

They say when the emotions is heal the body is heal.

[Mountaindewed]

Saltine crackers are like crack. I started using them for nausea earlier this week. But they work to keep my hunger under control too. I've been hungry due to a 5 day med course but I'm eating decently and turning down pizza for dinner mainly because I think I just can't make up my mind when it comes to food anymore. I think I'm hungry for something and then the more I think about it I get queasy. Its just side effects that will go away in 2 days. Hopefully.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm restricting so badly right now my hunger pangs suck. I'm just waiting on the soup to be ready. Maybe I'll try a tic tac or 2.

[Mountaindewed]

Lately I haven't been feeling good or I just haven't felt like eating for no particular reason. Right now I'm more tired then hungry and I'd rather sleep.

[MuddyBoots]

Bulimia out of control. Knuckles literally shredded and bleeding when purging. When I was in the hospital, it was bad but not horrible because I had to somewhat hide it. Now that I'm a pro at not getting caught in this environment, things have spiraled totally out of hand. I don't even know why. I want to cry because I feel like I just don't have a handle on anything.

[Buffy01]

I’m worried about the new medicine will :sadhug put weight on

[MuddyBoots]

3PM and I've not binged or purged. I think I can go the rest of the day. I've got this. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a protein bar after my workout, a veggie burger and a salad for lunch, and I'll have some crackers for a snack and figure something out for dinner later. It's going to be a good, non-disordered eating day.

[Mountaindewed]

I mostly wanted a lot of caffeine today. I was so tired. I made a couple single serve cups of instant Stouffer mac and cheese. Besides that I just grabbed a yogurt and a Jello from the fridge and a mini moon pie. I don't think I really restricted today. I was just tired and under the weather mainly.

[Mountaindewed]

Today was an "opposite of a stress eater" type day. I managed some stuff in the morning. But even trying to jumpstart my hunger by taking my meds early didn't work. So I'm back to the Gogurts for meals which my mom doesn't approve of.

I keep talking about wanting to go to Red Lobster but at this point I'm wondering if I'm just making fun of Project Runway instead of really wanting to go there.