[deki88]

ive been bulimic for about 5 years now. its the only thing i have ever had control in my life..ever. i got into this habit once my mom passed away in 2003 from cancer. her cancer wa getting worse and worse and there was nothing anyone could do about it. when i was stressing out i would consume large amounts of food....and to make nyself feel better i would throw it all up. ive had somethings happend in y life that i would rather not talk about. but loosing my mother who has been the only person in my life to show me any type of <font color="red"> </font> <font color="purple"> </font> <font color="#880000"> </font> unconditional love die infront of me did soo much damage to me.im now 19 years old ill be 20 in acouple of months and eveyday since i was 15 i have binge and purged. right now im still at an average weight and height (5'4 135) but my weight never stays the same. my stomach bloats all the time and recently i have been having these really strong sharp chest pains. when i get them it feels like i cant move bc the pain is so bad. my teeth are getting pretty yellow een if i consistently brush them and my throat and my gums bleed pretty bad about every night. the only person who knows anything about this is my sister who has sworn to never say anything. she also is anorexic.i blow most of my money on fast food and desserts. its just that eating is wat makes me happy and its guilt free bc i know how to get rid of it. I alreadt know how to make myslef throw up with even using my fingers to gag myself bc my knuckles would scab up bc they would be rubbing against my teeth. i havent seeked any help and i dont think i want to right now. i would propably feel as if im loosing something that is special to me i know it sounds weird but its how i feel honestly. im just venting right now im new to this site sry if its alittle long..

[luckyyouxx]

no its good to vent so no need to appologize for the length. ive been bulimic for just a year and feel some effects also, but nothing quite like yours. see i would love to quit, because id hate to have all those things happening to me. you are only killing yourself slowly and as special as bulimia feels to you its probably best for you to seek help, so you can see the better things in life that make you feel good. diseases like this mess with your head, and you can't let it win, but it sounds like it is. i am sorry to hear about your mom. i'd really suggest going to the doctor and getting a referal to a clinic, this way you can have some one to talk to and help you out in your situation. you'll be able to see that sure food is great and makes you feel good but there are plenty of things out there that will make you feel that way, that won't hurt your health as bas as this has.
good luck and please get better

[deki88]

hey luckyyouxx
thank you for taking the time to read this and respnd. i appreciate ur advice believe me. as much as i want and know that i mist seek help i dont know if i will ever be able to work up the courage to do so. im scared of letting this go. even though it has been messing with my head for years now. it has gotten in the way of my life, but yet its like a drug to me. right after i purge i get tthiss very relaxed and at ease feeling. it makes me calm in a sense. but this is why i am here at this site. im taking bay steps. i want to get better..i need to get better. i wanna have kids in the future and there is no way i can have a healthy child in my condition right now. thank u or replying.