I've always had eating disorders.

Nothing is filling my appetite.
I get on the scale each. Morning. I tell myself what I must do.

For a bit I can do it... I even gave up all the correctal, binging, aneroxia. Didn't give up the crazy exercising though.

But have now. My legs feel like lead blocks and I hadn't even hit 15 minutes.

I what I need to do to maintance: (Finally) How to eat to get it, what to when to, when not to eat... then after 3 months at my maintance weight --------------

BUT HERE I AM AGAIN AGAIN: CLIMBING. Thought I stopped that several days back.

I'm over eating what I was over eathing - today.

Trying to tell myself it's just beans, or veggies, dip..... go ahead..... but just that one sugar drink and BOOB.

I'm sneaking toward the drawer to get the spoon. Not the little spoon. The big spoon.

Who am I sneaking against ---- ME!

AND OH MY, - let anyone tell me:

"...what's different. You're looking good. Different."

They say that and I'm running for the kitchen, after all 'I must look alright.

WHO DO I HATE. WHO AM I MAD AT - ME OF COURE. DO I KNOW WHY DOES ANY ONE - NO!

I will be ending this thread and hopefully, because I NEED to (have been neeeding too) VENT in another thread.

P.S. Or just could thread someone where and make jokes likes everythings just fine!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Starlite,

http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-n...al-hunger.aspx



The mind is a terrible thing to waste , a minds a terrible thing sometimes.

we can think ourselves unworthy and sometimes we have had those in our lives in the past who placed those thoughts inside and they remain memories triggered by those in the present. We can still find those who help us do that. or not.

most of my hunger is hard wired to all the negative scripts trying valiently to stop them .


Patricia





quote=starlite*111;979381]I've always had eating disorders.

Nothing is filling my appetite.
I get on the scale each. Morning. I tell myself what I must do.

For a bit I can do it... I even gave up all the correctal, binging, aneroxia. Didn't give up the crazy exercising though.

But have now. My legs feel like lead blocks and I hadn't even hit 15 minutes.

I what I need to do to maintance: (Finally) How to eat to get it, what to when to, when not to eat... then after 3 months at my maintance weight --------------

BUT HERE I AM AGAIN AGAIN: CLIMBING. Thought I stopped that several days back.

I'm over eating what I was over eathing - today.

Trying to tell myself it's just beans, or veggies, dip..... go ahead..... but just that one sugar drink and BOOB.

I'm sneaking toward the drawer to get the spoon. Not the little spoon. The big spoon.

Who am I sneaking against ---- ME!

AND OH MY, - let anyone tell me:

"...what's different. You're looking good. Different."

They say that and I'm running for the kitchen, after all 'I must look alright.

WHO DO I HATE. WHO AM I MAD AT - ME OF COURE. DO I KNOW WHY DOES ANY ONE - NO!

I will be ending this thread and hopefully, because I NEED to (have been neeeding too) VENT in another thread.

P.S. Or just could thread someone where and make jokes likes everythings just fine!!!!!!!!!!![/quote]

I would not have posted this IF I thought I could easily have gone out of web site to another to get help me with my spoon issues.


I already think I can fix myself - That's why I'm here, right

Originally Posted by starlite*111

I would not have posted this IF I thought I could easily have gone out of web site to another to get help me with my spoon issues.


I already think I can fix myself - That's why I'm here, right

Hi starlite

I was responding to this part of your post.

Nothing is filling my appetite.

I googled eating disorders and hunger to see what I could find.

I thought it said it better than i could have written it with my poor grammer and shpellzing..

There was a better site By web md actually.

Not sure what you mean by small spoon and big spoon. hope its not cocaine.

maybe someone else will have something for you.

Patricia

Originally Posted by Auroralso

Hi starlite

I was responding to this part of your post.

Nothing is filling my appetite.

I googled eating disorders and hunger to see what I could find.

I thought it said it better than i could have written it with my poor grammer and shpellzing..

There was a better site By web md actually.

Not sure what you mean by small spoon and big spoon. hope its not cocaine.

maybe someone else will have something for you.

Patricia

The entire thread was about EATING, spoon only related to that.

Beside: Cocaine would have Stopped me from wanting to eat.

Originally Posted by starlite*111

The entire thread was about EATING, spoon only related to that.

Beside: Cocaine would have Stopped me from wanting to eat.

Okay Thanks for the clarification. Ive heard Cocaine is used by thoe with Adhd and I'll bet it does work for appetite supression.

Thank goodness Ive never tried the stuff ,

AND OH MY, - let anyone tell me:

"...what's different. You're looking good. Different."

They say that and I'm running for the kitchen, after all 'I must look alright.

Is it possible you assumed they were commenting that the difference was a weight gain that they saw in you?

Your aware your not on track . Maybe that hit a sore spot. So this just adds to the already anger and hurt and fear that goes with the struggle.

And when Im angry or hurt I want to eat more.

It's not fun having an ED or depression or impulsive drives, Star. I give you permission to hurl the spoons across the room rant and cry for a while.
Then we pick ourselves up and get on with doing the best we can .



Patricia

Originally Posted by Auroralso

Hi starlite

I was responding to this part of your post.

Nothing is filling my appetite.

I googled eating disorders and hunger to see what I could find.

I thought it said it better than i could have written it with my poor grammer and shpellzing..

There was a better site By web md actually.

Not sure what you mean by small spoon and big spoon. hope its not cocaine.

maybe someone else will have something for you.

Patricia

But isn't this the same one who accused me of using spoon... I'm losing it here "Auroralso": Patricia, I don't understand

[beatriz]

Hi Starlite!
I agree with you on being constantly hungry, i also suffer from binge eating, ED, compulsive eating, and all those definitions for the same nightmare:CANT STOP EATING...yeah, i share your pain and frustation, its a never-ending pressure of eating, hiding, correctol, work out, and the same cycle..over and over again, im sorry youre going trough all this hell, it might not hep a lot to tell you that, i am in the same boat with you...i wish i had the magical pill that will make us stop from overeating, i really do..but, i dont..all i have is my support: you are not alone Starlite..Good luck to the both of us..bye

Originally Posted by beatriz

Hi Starlite!
I agree with you on being constantly hungry, i also suffer from binge eating, ED, compulsive eating, and all those definitions for the same nightmare:CANT STOP EATING...yeah, i share your pain and frustation, its a never-ending pressure of eating, hiding, correctol, work out, and the same cycle..over and over again, im sorry youre going trough all this hell, it might not hep a lot to tell you that, i am in the same boat with you...i wish i had the magical pill that will make us stop from overeating, i really do..but, i dont..all i have is my support: you are not alone Starlite..Good luck to the both of us..bye

I do appreciate and know so many have and know with this dis order. Eating emotions. Thinking about my body image in the mirror as a rhino. Being told I look like I'm so skin I need to eat more.
This eating things comes and goes.
I can finally say I gave up the correctal thing I did for 5 years two every night or more, even if I hadn't eaten. AND yet I gained so much weight (was told later probally medication I was on did it) that by the time I saw myself in a picture I literally was going to end it.
End It - For That = being fat. And I really was at that time.
I weigh myself every morning.
Not like in the anexiora days: if the scale said a bit over I DID NOT EAT AT ALL THAT DAY.
I fasted every Monday. Dinner constisted of 1 hamburg on the plate with a pickle.
I was pregnant at the time and didn't know it so the baby had stopped growing even before a heart beat could be heard. Only the other urnie test was positive. Had to be medically removed.

I'm quite positive you didn't want to hear all this/that, but ....

Have a good evening little one

Originally Posted by starlite*111

But isn't this the same one who accused me of using spoon... I'm losing it here "Auroralso": Patricia, I don't understand

Hi Sarlite,

i'm sorry your loosing it .

if your re read all my posts to you seeing me as concerned carring and trying my upmost to be helpful posting in the wee hours of the night doing a google search to help talk to you because my wrtting is bad.

pointing you in the direction of recovery not just comiserating.

you then may see things I wrote as not accusatory and therefore no need to get steeamed.

just like your friend may have thought your hair was combed nicely or you had a glint in your eye or you looked a bit sad as the reason they said "you look different ' but just couldn't put words to it or was shy but felt the need to sat something as un clear as it may have been.

and ...NOT that your over eating and must loose weight .
but hey

I'm right there with you star .

been there done that and still do...

I hope that helps.

Patricia

Originally Posted by Auroralso

Hi Sarlite,

i'm sorry your loosing it .

if your re read all my posts to you seeing me as concerned carring and trying my upmost to be helpful posting in the wee hours of the night doing a google search to help talk to you because my wrtting is bad.

pointing you in the direction of recovery not just comiserating.

you then may see things I wrote as not accusatory and therefore no need to get steeamed.

just like your friend may have thought your hair was combed nicely or you had a glint in your eye or you looked a bit sad as the reason they said "you look different ' but just couldn't put words to it or was shy but felt the need to sat something as un clear as it may have been.

and ...NOT that your over eating and must loose weight .
but hey

I'm right there with you star .

been there done that and still do...

I hope that helps.

Patricia

At that exact time it WAS serious enough for me to write.
When I received the link to another didn't make any sense.

When I received another response of 'use of drugs...' 'and you were glad you never tried them....'

only heightened things.

And I don't understand 'permission' to throw spoon.

This whole Eating Disorder I posted in a serious moment...Became .....Period.

P.S. I did go to your page and read some of your responses to other, which only made me more confused.

only heightened things.

.

P.S. I did go to your page and read some of your responses to other, which only made me more confused.

I'm so sorry Star, that I only confuse you and make you more upset.

Best to find somone you an understand and who has recovered and can help you in a way you can relate Yes?
okay .



Patricia

PS.

wanted to bring you a bit of Spring.;-D

Originally Posted by Auroralso

I'm so sorry Star, that I only confuse you and make you more upset.

Best to find somone you an understand and who has recovered and can help you in a way you can relate Yes?
okay .



Patricia

PS.

wanted to bring you a bit of Spring.;-D

Smiles to you and I.

That is a VERY BEAUTIFUL picture Patricia.

What we can share right here in this listed picture is: I have a Red Roofed Gazebo Bird Feeder.

Originally Posted by starlite*111

Smiles to you and I.

That is a VERY BEAUTIFUL picture Patricia.

What we can share right here in this listed picture is: I have a Red Roofed Gazebo Bird Feeder.

You did bring me joy on this nice spring day.

Originally Posted by starlite*111

You did bring me joy on this nice spring day.

Okay good


The spoon throwing thing.. I use visual anologies sometimes i place of words.

so throwing spoons against the wall meant its okay to be angry for a while .

Ive crashed a few plate fulls of food in my time out of frustration .

I was very angry with not being able to stop and then I woud cry.

Hope you can get back on track soon .

Glad you like Birdies . heres another one..

shes ready to take off. LOL!!!!!

veet veet ! don't go!

[beatriz]

Hi starlite!
Im terribly sorry to hear about your loss..it must've been devastating..i am truly sorry..and im here to remind you that a lot of people are so ignorant about the hidden reason why we eat uncontrolably: its that void and sense of empyness that one experiences, and the anxiety sets in and : there you go..eat, and eat, and eat, until your stomach hurts..or not eat anything at all, like some sort of punishment..the same vicious, sick cycle..
What im trying to say is: i understand..