[GenniPorter]

My partner has BPD, we've been together 2 years now, in the past she use to be violent and has put me in hospital due to injuries on occasion but she seems to have that under control now.. However I am really struggling to deal with the constant name calling and putting me down as a person, usually it starts over something as minor as the toilet roll running out and this will provoke her to call me awful names and tell me I'm a horrible person, and a bad mother, selfish and other really cutting hurtful things.. I thought I had learnt to just take it and not retaliate but it's realy damaging me and I can't stop feeling hurt and worthless! I love her so much because she can be two different people super loving or super mean.. I just don't know how much longer I can cope without her destroying me.. Today she told her son I didn't like him and that o said things (that wasn't true) and I just don't know how that can be fixed I'm heart broken.. I have no support as if I talk to anyone we know or family it starts her off.. I feel so hurt and alone

[pegasus]

Hello GenniPorter, welcome to Psych Central.

Well, that really doesn't sound like a loving two way equal relationship at all. It sounds like a very abusive relationship to me and this will affect your mental health if it continues as it is. Someone with BPD does not usually have violence as symptoms of their disorder, they usually find it difficult to maintain relationships, so this behaviour in my opinion is not part if this mental health diagnosis. Is she totally aware of how abusive she is towards you?

You can either talk to her and suggest counseling either as a couple or and I would say it would be good for you anyway to seek some counseling for yourself. Or you decide to stop this relationship, for your own mental health and wellbeing. Hard decisions to make.

[GenniPorter]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello GenniPorter, welcome to Psych Central.

Well, that really doesn't sound like a loving two way equal relationship at all. It sounds like a very abusive relationship to me and this will affect your mental health if it continues as it is. Someone with BPD does not usually have violence as symptoms of their disorder, they usually find it difficult to maintain relationships, so this behaviour in my opinion is not part if this mental health diagnosis. Is she totally aware of how abusive she is towards you?

You can either talk to her and suggest counseling either as a couple or and I would say it would be good for you anyway to seek some counseling for yourself. Or you decide to stop this relationship, for your own mental health and wellbeing. Hard decisions to make.

Hi Pegasus,

Thank you for your reply. In the past she did have counselling for the violence and her temper and it did help. Although she never has excited her behaviour was her fault, she is convinced I deserved the violence (which usually occurred if I tried to walk away from her rages... She has abandonment issues) Recently I suggested that we had couple counselling but after the second session the counsellor suggested she didn't come back as it was too hard for her emotionally to deal with, she became quite defensive and argumentative to the counsellor and prevented me going back, as she felt it would be an opportunity to talk about her in a negative way. I have considered having counselling without her knowing but it doesn't sit well with me keeping that from her.

I can relate to your plight, I'm sorry for what you're both going through. I think its looking like she's wanting you to decide between her and everything else. Counseling or her, walking away or her, etc. Been there where I had to choose having friends or at least acquaintances or him. If she's not ok with your counseling together or separately, do you feel its a healthy relationship? Are you prepared to stay or walk away? Many hugs and positive vibes your way

[Dogfan]

She may have BPD but I doubt she goes around attacking just anyone, only those she can get away with doing it.
You should absolutely continue therapy alone --not to figure out why she does this, but why you stay with a dominant person you are afraid of. You may find a pattern of yourself as a victim and your familiar with it. Time to work towards breaking out of that role --you deserve better.