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#1
Jan 23, 2016, 02:16 AM
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I'm sorry this is long! I need some advice.
I have a friend who is quite the liar. She lies a lot to get attention, and it has worked. There are many people who consider her inspirational, relatable, etc, etc, because she publicly talks about her made-up struggles online. I care about her, she's been my friend from childhood but I cannot trust her anymore. Because I thought what she'd been telling me was true. She never treated me like a friend. She's always been aware of my struggle with mental illnesses, and she used to be the person I'd go to when I was having an episode. And instead of listening to me or comforting me, she'd try to make my situation about herself and how she's been through it and managed to overcome it (when she hasn't!). I feel like I've spent my entire life being her therapist more than her friend. All I do is listen to her (now fake) life-stories and comfort her. But I loved her and didn't mind, but now I feel betrayed. 1. She's been lying all along that her friend passed away. She used that story all these years as the "catalyst" for her so-called mental illnesses. She'd fake flashbacks, and make fake blog posts about him. But I found out.. he isn't real. 2. We talk on Skype a lot (without webcam) and she constantly talks about self-harm and suicide and creates fake scenarios that make it seem like she's attempted! When she's actually just at home bathing in the attention she's getting. I've gotten so triggered by these events, I can't even explain. 3. She's lied about people abusing her. She's made fake profiles for her fake characters. She's stolen pictures online and claimed they were pictures of these people she created. 4. She steals art and literary work from not-so well known artists and claims them as their own on Facebook, to get positive feedback from people. She lives a very happy life. She's lied about her family being dysfunctional, she has tons and tons of friends, everyone loves her. She's doing great things in life. I have nothing, my entire life's been ruined by my mental illnesses, and I didn't care... until I found out she'd been lying this whole time. I devoted my time and love towards her. I ignored my own pain to comfort her. And they were ALL LIES. And she never, not once cared for me. That's what hurts me the most. I don't know what to do. Should I confront her? We hardly see each other face to face, by the way,since we live quite far from each other now. We usually talk on the phone or on social media. |
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#2
Jan 23, 2016, 02:34 AM
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Click the delete button and move on.
That's all you can do, that's all you SHOULD do. I've never had fake friends, but I've had friends who used me and after being taken advantage of for so long I've finally put an end to it. This girl still calls me and leaves me voicemails of "I'm going through some stuff and I could use a friend". But she's never been there for me and even made it about her when I was the one seeking comfort. You can't tell the world who she really is, only you know, and she may seem happy on the outside but I tell you what she is the most troubled and full of despair on the inside. And she will never ever change her ways and when people find out who she really is, everyone will leave her and she will be all alone in her made up world. And she is. She is truly alone in her made up world and yes, you can feel sorry for her, but you don't have to be her friend. I've been friends with this girl I called my best friend for almost 12 years, and one day she stopped talking to me and ignored me until I asked her why she was upset with me, and she gave me the most BS reasons that made absolutely no sense. But then I realized that she was the most negative person I have ever met and I moved on, as hard as it was. You don't have to be friends with someone just because you grew up with her and was your childhood friend. There is no obligation to keep being her friend. If being her friend antagonizes your mental health, she is someone to stay away from. You don't need a big to do about moving on...just stop talking to her. Stop skyping her. Stop texting her. If she calls, let it go to voicemail or block her on your phone and facebook. She is not a healthy friend to have. She is a very toxic friend and she will use you until there is nothing left. |
 sensatives, Trippin2.0
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#3
Jan 23, 2016, 02:48 AM
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I think you need to work on why you would keep giving to someone you don't respect.
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#4
Jan 23, 2016, 02:50 AM
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Quote:
First of all, how did you find out that she lied about all those things? Some lies are so obvious, that it's laughable, but some aren't so obvious. Did you ever call her out on her lies? If so, how did she respond? I used to have a former best friend that was a total drama queen. She was great at first, but then I started to realize that she'd often say HUH all the time when I was talking to her as if she wasn't really listening to me. She'd then kind of disappear and say that she'd have no time for friends when a new guy came into her life. She talked about herself way to much and would interrupt me quite a bit. She was so rude! She'd also lie about how much weight she supposedly lost, but it was very clear that she was at least 50 or more pounds heavier than what she stated. She was disappointed when I saw her after she claimed to have lost 30 pounds. She still looked the same to me and she told me that everyone told her that she looked smaller, and for me to not notice that baffled and kind of upset her. OK, whatever! I was nice and told her that her arms looked smaller, kind of, and she was like, what? My arms look smaller? She was clearly upset that I didn't compliment her in the way that she wanted me to, ugh! She didn't contact me for awhile after that. She turned out to be quite passive-aggressive. And she didn't take any criticism well at all! And nothing was ever her fault, not ever! Wow, she is what is known as a toxic person. She is NOT a real friend at all! She is a liar, a user, and a manipulator. She sounds like she has a narcissitic personality disorder. True friendship is about honesty and a fair amount of give and take most of the time. I agree with what the person above me stated 100%. Move on. Forget about her. Delete her on FB or any other site that you are on. Block her email and number too. It sounds harsh, but she is clearly causing you a lot of mental anguish and is doing nothing for you now. I've been through similair situations, but nothing as severe as what you described. Some people have an insatiable need for attention and validation. You are not her therapist. The it's all about her and how she's so "great" and "talented" or whatever facade is toxic. Cut her off for good and even if she finds a way to contact you, ignore her. People like that rarely ever change. Like I said, you are not a friend to her. She is just using you and other people to feel better about herself. It's really pathetic and immature, but it is what it is. |
| sensatives
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#5
Jan 23, 2016, 03:03 AM
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#6
Jan 23, 2016, 03:05 AM
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#7
Jan 23, 2016, 03:16 AM
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Quote:
I found out she's been lying through a bit of stalking. Casual questions to her closer friends, and people who she claimed were connected to these fake people in her lives. I brought up these fake people in conversations and said, "I probably got their names wrong" or that I was "thinking of a different friend" and they'd not ask. Also searching for the source of the stuff she'd stolen, etc, etc. I sound like a nutter, but I've spent a long time making sure she's been lying because I still can't believe it. But now I'm 110% certain. She pretended to have mental illnesses and told me she'd been getting treated for it, and it's a long story but I found it that was fake too. Or maybe she is struggling with something but is unaware. Your friend sounds a lot like mine. My heart started beating so fast reading your story. Hahaha oh man I'm really affected by this. She really does treat me like a therapist. |
 Anonymous37893
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#8
Jan 23, 2016, 02:08 PM
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Hello again sensative. Wow, that's terrible! Has she always been like that or not? Have you ever told her to get help? I would. I'd be firm but gentle and tell her that I'm very concerned about her behaviour. I'd flat out let her know that her lies are hurting your relationship with her. And so is her attention seeking behaviour.
If you're that scared of her and you don't want to be direct with her due to the fact that she might do something crazy, then do the slow fade. Pretend to be busy. Sooner or later she might just end things on her own due to sheer frustration of you no longer being there whenever she needs you. She'll start to focus on other people instead. She apparently has other friends in her life, or at least other people who'll give her the attention she so desperately needs and wants. Is she doing drugs? It sounds like she might have some delusional disorder, or that she is just a narcissitic person. She is draining you mentailly, and you know this is not a healthy friendship. You need to take action asap in some way like I stated above. I've had the slow fade done on me, and it hurts like hell and made me upset as I don't think that I really did anything wrong. It's mean, but like I said, if you do that, she'll get frustrated and move on probably if you do that. I stopped contacting people after I realized that they weren't returning my calls or emails, and flaking out on me more than a few times when they hardly did that before. I got the hint after awhile. You are enbablng her toxic behaviour in a way by continuing to give her attention IMHO. I hope that you're not offended by that. As for my "friend", she stopped talking to me after I called her out on her b.s and how she was hurting me in a long email. I did leave her a v.m too telling her that I was hurt by the fact that she flaked out on me 3 times in a row which was unlike her. I also told her that a real friendship is not one sided and I felt like I was contacting her all the time and that she wasn't making that much of an effort anymore to contact me. I was direct but not mean (but she is sensitive, so she probably was hurt by the truth). So I had to let her go. Apparently she had some issues and she did stuff that I thought was morally wrong such as having an affair with a married man. She justified it by telling me that he was going to leave his wife. That never happened, and things didn't last. She was all about herself after awhile and her health issues, relationship issues, blah, blah, blah. She was pretty rude and insensitive to me a few times after going through some hard times. She got really paranoid when I tried to cheer her up by asking her if it's O.K to stop by to give her a Christmas gift. I asked her if it was O.K to stop over. We live close by each other. I also told her that she could stop by my place to get it if she wanted to. She then freaked out on me and told me to not stop by. I was hurt by that. I never did that unannounced! She was in the process of getting divorced, she had to move back home with her crazy mom, she was unemployed and broke, her other best friends mom died a few weeks after her dad did, and she got diagnosed with lots of health issues. I think that she was jealous of me for being better off and married. She thought that I was the needy one after she told me that she'd shrivel up and die w/o a guy to love in her life. Ugh! That's not healthy at all. I told her that I thought she wasn't really happy for me. I was always there for her, so that wasn't fair at all. I felt bad for her, and I was a very good friend to her, but sometimes you have to let go of relationships to where the person starts to consistently behave in a selfish, rude, disrespectful, and shady nature. With the way she was going on about stuff like high blood pressure, you'd think that she was dying of cancer. I'm not kidding. It was to much! She always had SOME drama going on in her life, and I think most of it was grossly exaggerated. Sorry if this upset you. I hope that this didn't affect you as much this time. Please take my advice. If you have a therapist or other friends that don't know her, try to get their opinion on what you should do. Good luck with everything! Last edited by Anonymous37893; Jan 23, 2016 at 04:28 PM. |
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#9
Jan 23, 2016, 04:25 PM
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One other thing, since you still want to be her friend due to your long history with her, maybe you can just see her less often and hang out in a group with her since you know some of the same people.
That way you probably won't have to listen to all or her problems, or lies that much. Or just go to the movies with her, go out to eat, and change the subject if she starts talking about stuff that you know isn't true, or if she starts talking to much about herself, etc... Just downgrade her a little to a casual friend if you don't want to cut her off completely. Hopefully she'll get the help that she needs and change for the better sooner or later. |
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#10
Jan 23, 2016, 04:44 PM
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First of all there is nothing you can do to change her or the stories she tells on the Internet. If she says something you know to be a lie tell her you don't care to hear made up stories if she's interested in continuing the friendship she will be truthful with you.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Trippin2.0
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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