[scarlett35]

I don't know if this comes under anxiety, if it's a form of ocd or social anxiety, or if it's something else entirely so I wasn't sure where to post it!

I'm obsessed with the notion of living authentically and being true to myself. I think it's because a lot of the things I see on social media (like Facebook!) seem so inauthentic. With everyone sharing what they want people to see, their highlights, rather than the truth. Although I think it's nice to see the positive things in people's life and I still look. It seems very one sided, and It also makes me feel a bit rubbish about my own life. Although there are loads of positives, I'm going through my own battles and it makes me feel more secluded than ever. Yet I know in my heart that some of these people may be having similar, if not worse, problems than me!

Another reason is I think I've got some of it from family. Some family members have always criticised me for some of my personality traits. Particularly being sensitive or taking things to heart too much. They say I need to toughen up. I know I'm sensitive but am starting to think it's not such a bad thing, but I can't really help being like it and I can't change it. As well as this, my family always have 'gone with the flow' when making decisions. I think they have inadvertently taught me that it's more important to go with what other people want rather than myself. I don't feel like I should say my opinion.

Through these things I suppose I've started to not feel good enough. I analyse everything I say to try and be liked and give the response I think other people want from me. The problem is is I feel so fake. I feel inauthentic and it's really upsetting me.

Another issue is that I'm not only struggling with this in real life, but I'm absolutely obsessed with finding out how to be authentic. I spend hours Googling it. It relieves the anxiety for a little while, but then I forget what I've read! I don't know. Maybe it sounds daft, but I'm really struggling with it.

I'm due for some therapy soon however this is for contamination ocd, I do think it's the same core issues that cause the ocd too so I'm hoping I can deal with them in the therapy.

It's weird. I forget about it when I'm with certain people. When im with my partner I barely even think about it. I feel I can just be authentic with him but I can't be myself with my parents or people from uni or anything like that. When I'm not with my partner (and we are communicating via text!) I'm more worried about being myself and analyse what I'm writing all the time.

Another thing I worry about is being happy. Sometimes it feels inauthentic to be happy when at the moment i don't feel so happy. But at the same time I want to enjoy life and don't want to walk around miserable.

I just don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. One website I read said that rather than trying to be authentic, try to notice when you're being inauthentic, as authenticity is not adding something to yourself but taking away things that aren't real. I quite liked this idea, and It helps with things like saying my opinion and telling the truth about certain things, but doesn't help with the happy/not happy conundrum.

I just want to be real but I feel so lost. Has anyone else felt like this?? I go through periods where it's really bad and now is one of them.

Thanks for reading
Xxx

[Yzen]

With all the fakeness in the world (advertising, news, artificial food, social media perceptions, etc.), it is difficult to determine what is real. Maybe finding what is real in ourselves is the only thing we can count on.

I have been trying for the last few years to understand what I really want in life. It's been a difficult task. There is so much that motivates us from the 'outside' that my 'inside' is cloudy. My therapist called me a 'people pleaser' during one session and it made me realize that I didn't know who I really am. I had been doing so much to please others that my real self was lost. So, I believe there is great value in trying to find what is true to ourselves. It seems to be a never-ending journey of pulling off layers to find who we really are inside. I don't know if that is an obsession, but it is a worthwhile thing to keep striving towards (in my opinion).

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by Yzen

With all the fakeness in the world (advertising, news, artificial food, social media perceptions, etc.), it is difficult to determine what is real. Maybe finding what is real in ourselves is the only thing we can count on.

I have been trying for the last few years to understand what I really want in life. It's been a difficult task. There is so much that motivates us from the 'outside' that my 'inside' is cloudy. My therapist called me a 'people pleaser' during one session and it made me realize that I didn't know who I really am. I had been doing so much to please others that my real self was lost. So, I believe there is great value in trying to find what is true to ourselves. It seems to be a never-ending journey of pulling off layers to find who we really are inside. I don't know if that is an obsession, but it is a worthwhile thing to keep striving towards (in my opinion).

That is exactly how I feel too! I am definitely a people pleaser and really do want to work on being real. I too feel lost and unsure about what the real me is. I've started to avoid things like social media as when I type stuff, it doesn't feel like me.

On here now I know I'm being completely honest. I'm not even really thinking about what I'm writing. Just going for it! I seem to be so different when I'm by myself though and that's another thing that worries me, what if I'm not the bubbly happy person everyone thinks I am?

On the same post I read about stripping back what isn't authentic they also said that if you're trying to be authentic then you're not being authentic. Makes sense as I often do that!

I have a problem with consistency too. I think it's more to do with how I act around others. When I'm alone I'm much more serious than when I'm with others. I find it hard to accept that serious side as I want to be upbeat and funny all the time... I can't explain it, but those two sides of me are what I find confusing!

Thank you so much for reading my post anyway! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds authenticity an important thing!

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by scarlett35

On the same post I read about stripping back what isn't authentic they also said that if you're trying to be authentic then you're not being authentic. Makes sense as I often do that!

I have a problem with consistency too. I think it's more to do with how I act around others. When I'm alone I'm much more serious than when I'm with others. I find it hard to accept that serious side as I want to be upbeat and funny all the time... I can't explain it, but those two sides of me are what I find confusing!

That makes perfect sense about trying to be authentic is not authentic. It is like putting on a mask of what you expect people to believe is the real you...if that makes sense. I know I have different sides depending on the situation. When I started working as a teenager, I was funny and carefree. As I got older, I changed to be more serious. I realized my managers seemed to want serious and changed to please them. With some of my family, I try to appear confident and together - like I have no concerns. I feel they don't want to see the real me. It is interesting how much I have adapted my behavior to what people expect of me. It's a tough habit to break.

[Sunflower123]

Kudos to you for striving to be authentic in a world of fake, phony people. Maybe you can work some of this out in therapy and start feeling better. I'm also a Highly Sensitive Person which comes with some drawbacks but with so many gifts. Embrace that part of yourself and don't let anybody tell you differently. Sending big hugs.

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by Yzen

That makes perfect sense about trying to be authentic is not authentic. It is like putting on a mask of what you expect people to believe is the real you...if that makes sense. I know I have different sides depending on the situation. When I started working as a teenager, I was funny and carefree. As I got older, I changed to be more serious. I realized my managers seemed to want serious and changed to please them. With some of my family, I try to appear confident and together - like I have no concerns. I feel they don't want to see the real me. It is interesting how much I have adapted my behavior to what people expect of me. It's a tough habit to break.

Yes yes and yes! Totally get it. I've adapted so much. When I started my masters degree I felt a lot like I didn't fit in. It was really lonely and I felt really isolated with only a few people around me who weren't really interested in getting to know me or spend time with me. I desperately tried to change to make them see me I suppose, but they never did! I think this is something else that has contributed to me feeling not good enough.

I also used to be more carefree. I used to laugh constantly and was known for being cheerful and happy. I feel like that's been taken away as I've got older and tried to fit in more. I'm just not sure why. Wish i could have that person back! The ironic thing is I got on better with people when I let them see me.

The different sides thing is something that really confuses me. Especially because I want to be consistent with most people! However wear different masks depending on who I'm with too. Honestly it is only my partner who I feel i can laugh, cry and be mostly myself with, and even more as the relationship is developing.

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Kudos to you for striving to be authentic in a world of fake, phony people. Maybe you can work some of this out in therapy and start feeling better. I'm also a Highly Sensitive Person which comes with some drawbacks but with so many gifts. Embrace that part of yourself and don't let anybody tell you differently. Sending big hugs.

Thank you it helps to know it's not something that's a bad thing. I'm hoping therapy will help too! I am starting to learn how to love my sensitiveness. As well as other things that have been criticised too. I do feel better but find myself snapping at my family if they show a lack of understanding or start bringing me down.

Thanks for your reply!

[Thunder Bow]

If you have the courage to be yourself, then you are doing the right thing. The worst thing to do is "toughen up". Go head and be OCD about being authentic. It is the only way to go.

Has being absolutely authentic been an advantage or disadvantage? My own B&W thinking has led me to being opinionated - and quite irritable. This hasn't always worked for me (take my behaviour here for example). There are times it has been a disaster. I am thus working on asking myself; is this the battle I want to die on? Is this what I want to be remembered for? Is this actually sabotaging myself?

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Has being absolutely authentic been an advantage or disadvantage? My own B&W thinking has led me to being opinionated - and quite irritable. This hasn't always worked for me (take my behaviour here for example). There are times it has been a disaster. I am thus working on asking myself; is this the battle I want to die on? Is this what I want to be remembered for? Is this actually sabotaging myself?

You know I have similar thoughts to you too. I think because I feel sad a lot lately, and I think that's ok. I have to work really hard to be happy. It doesn't feel authentic. I think maybe I shouldn't hide that I'm sad, but then it feels like self sabotage, like I'm not even willing to try and have a happy life.

If I read into it though maybe I do really want to be happy, maybe that is the authentic part. I also get irritable sometimes and often take it out on my family

[avlady]

I am a person like you here that are people pleasers. I learned later in life that I dont have to be. Sometimes i find it hard to do like i have to appease certain people because i'm afraid of them especially people on the psych wards etc when i was sick with mental illness years ago. anyway, be true to yourself no matter what it takes, but what I'm saying is to use your judgement too. I also think Patty Duke who was schitzophrenic is an example of her plight as a star that came out of the closet about her predicament and was able to be a role model for me too. Just think she could be both and all the personalties she portrayed. The Patty Duke show is now played daily on cable tv here and it freaks me out to think she is both characters and no wonder why she is one. I do want to read her book and am wondering if anyone here has read it? well, do be yourself and i think we all have several tools with which to work with in keeping our personalities in line. good luck

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by avlady

I am a person like you here that are people pleasers. I learned later in life that I dont have to be. Sometimes i find it hard to do like i have to appease certain people because i'm afraid of them especially people on the psych wards etc when i was sick with mental illness years ago. anyway, be true to yourself no matter what it takes, but what I'm saying is to use your judgement too. I also think Patty Duke who was schitzophrenic is an example of her plight as a star that came out of the closet about her predicament and was able to be a role model for me too. Just think she could be both and all the personalties she portrayed. The Patty Duke show is now played daily on cable tv here and it freaks me out to think she is both characters and no wonder why she is one. I do want to read her book and am wondering if anyone here has read it? well, do be yourself and i think we all have several tools with which to work with in keeping our personalities in line. good luck

Thank you! I've never heard of patty duke before but will look her up!