Thoughts about the tiniest bit of good being enough for someone

Hello, first I would like to say I hope this is the right section, and if not please move to the right one.

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So this post is mainly in regards to the train of thought and attitude, towards life, of being able to see the tiniest sliver of good in an ocean of bad, and that tiny sliver is supposed to be enough, to keep on going and/or have happiness.

But I don't really understand why, for life, that tiny little 1% (sliver) of good, is supposed to be enough, and trump the 99% (ocean) of bad... but then with something like say, a relationship, you could have like 25% (far more than a sliver) good even, and 75% bad, and that 25% would mean hardly anything compared to the 75%, and it would be considered justified and reasonable to end/want to end the relationship.

So like... my only/main thought here I guess is just is this just essentially a matter of 'comparing apples to oranges' ultimately? I mean, why is 1% good enough to continue and be happy in life, but in something like a relationship, that 1% good would essentially mean nothing (or like I said even a good 25%) and the 99% or 75% bad would trump the good by a longshot?

Your questions are profound but sadly I don't have profound answers to them. But I can put in my two cents for whatever they are worth. So . . . here goes . . .

Do you know the old saying . . . Bad news sells newspapers and good news is no news?"

I was in journalism. And this was the axiom for us. I could not go on national television and say this: "Today 40,000 aircraft took off and landed safely. Today 10,000 trains did not derail. Today billions of children went to school and did not commit an act of mayhem. Today 99 percent of the earth was not destroyed by an earthquake, fire or flood."

In journalism we assume that things are 90% or more okay and that exceptions are what people are interested in. It is the one crash out of 40,000 flights that people are interested in, it is one derailment, it is the one earthquake, it is that one student who today went berserk.

Evil makes the news because it is rare because good is the rule rather than the exception. Of course evil is terrible. But it is shocking because it is rare in comparison with good. Yes, today a certain number of human beings are going to commit a felony crime. But the vast majority of people on this earth are not going to do this. Many people on the earth are in prison but most [billions] are not.

So I think evil is the little sliver although 24 hour news cycles make evil seem so big.
We journalists need to make money through advertisers. And advertisers look at circulation, market share and so on.

Evil gets people tuned in, but I don't think good is a sliver.

I don't know enough about the statistics of relationships. Someone else will have to speak to that. .

If tomorrow, one trillion people go berserk and commit mayhem on the earth, and 40,000 planes crash, and 10,000 trains wreck, and almost every student in every school goes berserk, then I would be able to say goodness is a sliver in the huge plank of evil.

Now that I am out of journalism, I avoid it because I know it gives a warped view of things. Journalism can be really hard on people with mental illness since it can feed our confirmation bias.

Others here will have other opinions. I will be interested in reading them. Best wishes to you!

I’m always struck how people say 1 out of 5 will get cancer……but they never say 4 out of 5 will not get cancer. It’s like they say 1 out of 5 will get addicted to pain pills. Well 4 out of 5 won’t so stop withholding pain meds!

@Yaowen what a powerful answer! Thank you.

I'd love to share a few thoughts, though these pertain to life in general and not relationships persae, although it does have application there too.

When it comes to the sliver of 1% and the chunk of 99% something has already happened. At some point a decision has been made, putting "x" in the 1% and "y" in the 99%. The question would therefore be, what basis was used to decide the "good" from the "bad"? Is that basis still relevant? Is it real or perceived? Is it based on a belief system that could be challenged? Is it variable? Can some of the 99% be moved given a perspective change?

These sound like silly logical questions. Yet their profoundness is based in their simplicity. A great example is crying is bad and laughing is good. Whilst the mindset around this has changed in recent years, when did we decide that crying was "bad". When did we decide that kids crying when we are trying to do the shopping is bad? When did we decide that crying in public is embarrassing? And it's the same for so many things in life. We have belief systems in place which we then use to evaluate. Initial reactions would be a high paying job is viewed as better than a low paying job. Yet that is far from the truth based on many other factors. We see a person down the street driving a fancy car, we make the assumption they are doing well. Yet they could be in debt up to their eyeballs, with the person in the old clothes and shoes with holes in them may in fact have more savings and have a happier life.

The key to your post is "being able to see". IS it possible that the 1% is indeed 61% but the 60% is not visible to us? When I was learning about perceptions, feeling loved was a big one for me. I didn't think anyone would love me again. And so I went through many years feeling that no one would, could or would ever love me. I am still single. What I learnt though, is that the world has love in abundance. I had spent so long looking for it in one specific area, I didn't see it in so many others. The dog that wagged its tail at me when it walked by, the person at the supermarket that said hello, the person in the car that stopped so I could cross the road. The flower that was in bloom that I stopped to smell, the sunset that I saw last night.

Perception is projection. Man did it take a while for me to get my head around this. The way we percieve the world is how we project ourselves into the world. And we get more of that. So, I'm in a bad mood, im out and about trying to get things done, I'm in a rush, it's raining, the car is out of fuel, I forgot to put money in the parking meter and I just dropped the contents of my bag on the ground. Then a stranger across the road gives me a dirty look. How Dare He!!!!

Lets take that exact same scenario. This time, percieving a universe of gratitude and then projecting that appreciation forward. So, I'm in a good mood out and about endeavouring to get things done. Its awesome that I have time and get to go down the street, and have the opportunity to do some chores. The rain is glorious, I don't recall the last time I got to spend time in the rain, and the garden is going to love it. The smell of the fresh rain, the sound of the droplets, the sensation of the water hitting my face, and wow, look at how green that tree looks now that the dirt has washed off its leafage. I've spilled the contents of my bag and, oh thank you stranger for stopping to help me pick up my things. Hi how are you? The car is out of fuel, its fantastic that its parked in a safe place for now, and, that I have money in the bank to buy more. The parking meter still had some time in it. And my things, they will dry. Oh wow, that guy across the road who just looked at me, stubbing his toe like that on the kerb, that must have really hurt, I hope he's ok...

Life is all about belief systems and projections. We weren't born knowing grass is green and the sky is blue. Just like we weren't born "knowing" what is a "positive" experience and what is a "negative" one. They are beliefs systems we adopted, often taught by our parents, and or learnt through experience in life. Trouble is, we never challenge those beliefs. Those beliefs, those perceptions, are what we project into the world, and that is what we see.

Please don't take away from this that I am invalidating your feelings. Far from it. Rather, feelings, just like thoughts and beliefs do well to be challenged from time to time. Because imagine if the world is actually a better place than we think, and all we need to do is change our perception and what we "see".

What wonderful responses!

Tyler, I remember having a similar perspective as yours about the ratio of life, and instead of motivating me, these ideas of perceiving things through a lens of gratitude instead of gloom would infuriate me. I remember thinking things such as “how foolish they are, they are deceiving themselves into happiness”, “I would rather suffer in reality than live with delusion”.
I just wasn’t prepared or positioned to change my view on life.
Somewhere along the way though, a realization slowly formed, that any perception is reality/delusion so one might as well pick one that is comfortable.

How this realization formed was from years of experimentation and research about everything, science, philosophy, spirituality, sociology etc. through this was revealed to me a nature of not truth, but of mystery and possibility, it recreated my mind world into one not so contained and controlled.

All of our journeys are different and I hope you find that which will naturally allow that ratio to move towards the positive. I don’t expect a few words from me will change anything.
I will say though, and I’m sure others are of the same opinion, that you have the strength required, in that i have no doubt.

As Blitter2014 wrote above (in one of the very best posts on this forum) "...what basis was used to decide the 'good' from the 'bad'?"

The story about the farmer who lost his horse illustrates this...
The Real Lesson in the Taoist Farmer Story - New Ventures West

I get where you're coming from. For me, it’s a little easier to see that sliver of good in life because it feels like it's all we really have to hold on to when things get tough. I find that focusing on those small positives can make a huge difference, even if it’s just getting through the day or enjoying a small moment. But with relationships, it's different. If most of the time feels off or harmful, even if there's some good stuff, it doesn’t outweigh the emotional toll it takes. It’s like, when you’re alone, you can push through the small stuff, but in a relationship, it’s all about balance, and if the bad outweighs the good, it just doesn’t feel worth it anymore. It’s tricky, for sure, but both life and relationships come down to how much that good actually impacts you long-term.