I think I'm mad!

I think I'm mad. I do not think that I am insane but I can be crazy sometimes.

But I'm not mad in the psychiatric sense. I am mad as in angry about a lot of painful things that have happened to me in my life and haunted by disturbing memories.

It's ok though, I'm aware of this and I do not believe that any of my hurt can never be cured. Not only that but I believe this is true for every single one of us.

Stark777

Hello, Stark777. Sorry about what happened to you and the memories that haunt you.

Good luck in working your way through this malaise.

Be well.

Thanks for replying.

Yes, I have pain but I do not believe you know what truly ails me.

(the seer of visions said before he went blind).

That was borderline, non-supportive and I apologize (a lot).

But thanks for replying - I certainly do appreciate that, friend.

Stark777

Hi Stark777. I was going to reply earlier today; but your double negative in the third paragraph put me off--"...I do not believe that any of my hurt can never be cured."

I got all confused, and left your thread, then I came back to it again and again...

I just wasn't sure how to answer, share, or be supportive.

Do you believe that your hurt can be cured? or: Do you believe that your hurt will never be cured?----------------yeah, I ain't too bright lately--sorry--theo

Welcome to the world where even being supportive is seen as some kind of fascist plot.

I'm sorry about that double negative - everything kind of is a paradox I'm afraid.

However, I came here with the honest and true intention of being supportive in the best way I can. And that double negative snuck in there of it's own accord! I really hope these little slips will be less frightening one day

But anyway - looksee how the english language do no bodda me And yes I passionately believe my hurt and everyone elses hurt can be healed.

The trouble is I can already see a time when people will get fed up and there will be no excitement to be had. Anger will re-surface in Spades then I fear. My hope is that when people get angry no-one gets hurt, and the person who felt the need to get so angry in the first place will manage to channel it into something spectacular towards the mysical nature of everything. I'm not saying that calm, reflective, creativity will suffer either.

It's difficult for me to express myself and be clearly understood and if it gets too much for me (or I feel the need to write 3000 words for every concept that I want to express) I seek refuge in music, films, literature, and especially good comedy (a rare thing indeed) etc, etc. Because I do this a lot, I like to suggest to people some of the things of this nature that I found helpful myself and hope that they will find it hopeful too.

But everyone is unique and so your interpretation will be different to mine! And this is fun to discuss!

Stark777

Stark777---I believe also. Though there are scars left.

You sound like a truly good person, an honest one (so very rare--that was a Big Band song--wasn't it? Dorsey? "So Rare"--I loved that song- my ex collected all sorts of music)--oops- off topic---

You put yourself right out there for all to see--Brave too!!!

We all hurt...isn't it funny how everyone on here is really quite intelligent?
All of us, in our own ways, and to our own extents, hurt.
Do you think it might be because we are too intelligent; therefore think too much???-
Feel too much???---I ponder all the variables, as I roam the rooms of PC and read the posts--------------------I send you my hope for you to have and be all that will fulfill you in life-----------------------------------hugs--theo

Hey Theodora, thought you might be interested in these lyrics to "Maybe I Think Too Much" by Paul Simon:

http://www.dilyrics.com/simon-and-ga...-b-lyrics.html

Couldn't find a link to the song itself but this is a good link because also on that webpage is a little vid about The Gorillaz, who got so fed up that fans try ot idolize them that they uses animated characters to represent themselves and in this vid, some bouncers won't let the animated characters perform because the real people in the band take their place!

Genius!!!

I'm sorry to hear Stark.... You know even if we can't forget the past we can use it as a ladder to rise above it and learn how to become stronger people and help those who have been through the same senerio or help those never have to go through what we have.

Don't let bad things in life define who you are, you can always use it to create a beautiful life....

Great stuff, Stark 777---thanks!!!!!--you're probably of another generation than I--but we meet here; and you show me Paul Simon.

oooooYou'd have loved Simon and Garfunkel-----and all the folk singers I grew up with--Joan Biaz, Judy Collins, Pete Seeger, "In the Jungle the Mighty Jungle, the Lion sleeps tonight...aweem away aweemawy--"

BobDylan's still croaking away-------------so many-

The closest I come to the old music is Bob Marley---true meaning in his words--

Yeah, I know it's Reggae--and he's gone now-------I love music, thanks sooo much!!!

"The Sounds of Silence"---Simon and Garfunkel-- in your first post; (no it was in your second post--correction)
you mention thoughts that are in this song------I don't know how to get the links you people all get--but I think you'd like their music.........on and on you go, theo.......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sleep deprivation ugh!!! Sorry 'bout that!--be well--theo

I love folk music! And so did my mum - at her funeral we played "Bridge Over Troubled Water", "Let It Be" and "Blackbird" (I can nearly play Blackbird and want to sing it one day too). If I tried to sing and play "Let It Be", I think I might dissolve into a pool of tears

Anyway, I've always loved Simon&Garfunkel. Another one of my favourites is a folk group called "Horslips" and my favourite lyrics (and the song itself) are "If i were king of morning & you were queen of day, we'd laugh all summer long together, love would find a way - if i were king of evening & you were queen of night, we'd pass the time in pleasure & love until the morning light!"

I'm also very keen on "Steeleye Span" & in the days when I often got very drunk, I would frequently burst into song "All Around My Hat" (I will wear the green willow, all around my hat, for a 12 month & a day & if anyone should ask me, the reason why I'm wearing it, it's all for my true love, who's far, far, away"

Stark777

Could you make a concious choice for the creative act of forgiving those that hurt you- for YOURSELF, so that you can move past your anger? You deserve to be anger-free

Oh, I completely forgot the Simon & Garfunkel lyrics that my ex-gf of 9 years used to love (you know I don't think I forgot really, it's because of the emotional pain asscoiated with my ex - but we are very good friends still and I'm not just saying that - she would definitely agree).

Anyway her fave lyrics are "she said the man in the gabaneze (sp?) suit is a spy, I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera"

Do you like the comedy series "Flight of the Conchords"?? Garfunkel himself makes a cameo appearance!!!

I'm not sure if you think I'm older or younger than you - I was trying to keep people guessing by not putting my age on display but I want to let you know as it seems to be some sort of barrier to our communication understandings. I'm 38, sometimes I feel that age sometimes I feel like I'm 1000 years old and others like a child - but never a baby

Stark777

That truly is an inspired question - I hope that really is your current mood and not your mood for a brief moment of time soon to be replaced by worries

To answer (and this is from my personal perspective of course!) - this is very much what I attempt to acieve constantly with the creation of my songs - they help me come to terms with bad feelings enormously but the reason I think it works so well is because if the person(s) involved in the inspirations for the songs heard them, I hope that they would be delighted to discover that I've no bad feelings about the pain we shared at some point in our lives.

Hope that helped! And please no-one knock-down my optimism

Stark777

"...someone's knockin at the door, somebody's ringin the bell.....do me a fava?-- open the door, an let em in....." Paul Mccartney and Wings---I is a'knockin at the door to your Optimism!!!!!

That's fantastic, Stark--
" all gone to look for America--"-- i know every word to that one by heart!

How about "At the Zoo"?--love that one too-----horrible that you lost your mom so early in life-----I lost mine early too--she was diagnosed as a Paranoid Schizophrenic----Hey--you ne'er met a more down to earth, intelligent woman in your life-----I love my mom today--she is forever with me; in my thoughts, my way of thinking--she has not gone from me. So long as I live, she lives. I think they just wanted to label her something; she was a single parent in the 50's (not the trend),
and simply overwhelmed by raising three kids alone.

"Cloudy", "59th Street Song"," For Emily whereever I may find her"--like Cat Stevens too?
I love trading songs with you---love your way of thinking---theo

Oh, I am 55----but that doesn't seem to strain the way we communicate!!!
My kids (oops--33 & 34) love the old music-----have introduced me to some of the new too--

"...But when I see you smile, I can face the world..."--another thing my mom always said--was that "Each of us is given Unique talents, we just have to find out and address them--that is where we can be blissfully happy"-----You are creative--you write songs! Wonderful!!!

Hi Junerian---I feel the need to answer you on my own behalf.

I ne'er had the ability to feel Anger first---abused before memory-- learned "helplessness".

My mom always said that under everyone's anger; there is pain and hurt first.

That is what I have always felt.

I don't go to anger. I get hurt--go to avoidance.

I do not believe in "Forgiveness"---those who've hurt me are without conscience- therefore sociopaths, highly functional ones at that. I am sorry for them--they are ill, not I. I even pray for them.

I believe in trying to go through my hurt, and coming out the other side.
I am older, and wiser now; 40 years of therapy, etc.. has taught me much.

I avoid cruel people.

I want to "eliminate the negative" aspects of my life and live NOW.--Be well--theo

http://www.commonsensepsychology.com/forgiveness.php

Careful you seem to be catching my real disorder - "a billion words a second syndrome" What would that be? ABWASS - I like it but sounds a bit rude

Stark777; you are right.---I have a racing mind-----who will win? I apologize for being rude. My mind was out of breath and couldn't breathe--lack of o2 to it made it very rude indeed!

Byzantine-- thanks-- that is absolutely correct--to paraphrase-- to forgive means many things---I guess; according to that article, I have forgiven. Not reconciled, etc.. but made peace with my past.

Junerian, I apologize, I think now, having read The Byzantine's article; that I have forgiven all---please forgive if I have in any way offended you?

Thanks alll-----------------------------------theo...hey mind--come back here............................pardon me all--mind will not stop running......Naughty Mind!!!!!

Hello Stark 777, I do feel angry about a lot of past hurts too, especially when I feel down (like now). I was thinking it could be that I am avoiding being depressed...being angry is easier sometimes than being depressed. Whichever way, these two difficult emotions can really make one feel that he/she is going mad or bad even. On the other hand, I just see it as another physiological switch in my brain (which again is much easier to handle). Many of us here have similar battles...feeling opposing feelings...struggling with ambivalence...Nonetheless, there is always this part that will always assert that we are good...we are OK. Best to us all then!
PS On the above music, I do like listening to Simon and Garfunkel, the Lion King song makes me smile, and I find Bob Marley a cool radical...

Erk! Don't apologize and don't feel stressed for saying what you said. You were not being rude! The word I made up just sounds a bit rude because of the way society has "programmed" our minds. I like it for this very reason - because it does sound a bit rude! But not as rude as "mf!" & the many even more inventive abusive words.

Take care, I hope you at least partially understand me a bit now