[radio_flyer]

Must be having a bad day thinking if I am "nuts" as some call me, just wishing I was all the way nuts. because then

I would not have the capacity to think.

I would not "understand" that AJ makes deals with the renters. He is holding one bedroom for the renter ith the dog to come back in December. shrugs shoulders.. no money for the room till December..

I could not comprehend that AJ makes deals with female renter that I guess she pays when she can. I talked to her and told her the "deal" isn't working because the money collected pays for utilities. No money, no electric. She said next month she'd pay in advance. I said if you can find a place where you can pay rent at the end of the month let me know.. I wanna go there too.... shrugs shoulders...

All these deals AJ makes and he isn't paying his dad any money which means his dad is footing all the bills... shrugs shoulders

AJ has been told he has till January to find a job or he will have to move out and his dad will rent the house to a single family.. And that AJ would have to find his own place to live... So AJ is stressed like gee I gotta find a job.. shrugs shoulders,

garbage can sitting at end of drive way all week. grass needs cuts...sun room if filled with the renter with the dog that moved. nobody is moving the stuff to the garage with the female's furniture that is stored in the garage. garage is jammed packed with other folks stuff.. shrugs shoulders. shed if half full of past renter of two years ago..

aj is sittin and thinking again... shrugs shoulders...

if I were a bit more nuts i would not even know what is going on, which sounds good to me...i don't want to know anything anymore... just wishing i had some peanut butter filled cup cakes... yumm
practicng more crazy...

Ooh I forgot to add AJ lost his license. He has to pay a $200 fine and $200 to get his license back.. wondering how he is going to go to interviews? oo and his car isn't running which is good because if he drove and got caught he'd be in jail? shrugs shoulders......

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hoping that things settle for you dear Radio Flyer there seems to be stress all around you

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

Mental illness is nothing to wish for.

Have a good one.

[kitty004567]

Sounds like AJ is "nuts" and you're just fine. Hang in there! ...and you might want to look for a different place to live.

[radio_flyer]

Princess Obsidian... I am sorry. You are right. Mental illness is nothing to wish for.

Guess I could have worded this better. Might be a full moon and I fell off my rocker. Holding a room without "payment" for three months and the other renter has this deal with AJ, guess to pay whenever, flipped me out a bit.. When AJ's dad works soooo hard you would think AJ would "want" to help his dad...I'm just confused.. I don't understand AJ and I worry so much about him. Worry doesn't solve anything other than starting a silly thread here at PC... :*(

[radio_flyer]

Kitty... am trying to get AJ to find someone to rent the basement, so I can move. Odd thing about that is AJ said he did not want me to leave, that somehow with me here there is "balance". When I first came here, he did not want me here, now he doesn't want me to leave.. shrugs shoulders... If we can rent the basement, furnished, it would be better for everyone for me to leave, "I think"...

I don't understand AJ's thinking. I don't think he is "nuts" but then when he calls me nuts, I tell him to be careful because "nuts" could be in his genes... and he hushes up...

He is looking for work and getting responses on his resume. I just don't know how he will get to work without a car or license.

Think I do worry way too much. I would be much more "calmer" if he'd get a job and be more responsible....I just don't understand him...Wish he'd pay that fine and get his license and car fixed...I need to learn to not let things "bother" me...

[kitty004567]

Before I even write this I know it's going to be a little harsh...radio_flyer, I don't know you - I really know nothing about you. What I do know is it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. These "deals" AJ's making are hurting you both and the fact that you feel obligated to stay unless the basement gets rented out seems absurd. These are AJ's decisions, not yours. You will never be able to "make" someone else do what you want them to. The best thing you can do is decide what's best for you and act on it. I'm sure you are friends...but still sometimes the best thing you can do is not clammer for the "honor" of fixing their mistakes. You just have to take care of yourself and tell your friend, I'm sorry, but those weren't conditions anyone could live under and I'm sorry you put yourself in that situation. Yeah, it's hard. But honestly, it's not your fault or your problem. I've spent about half of my life in therapy and that's something that they've all been big on. You make your own decisions; you can't "fix" other people. You have to be your own advocate and find the course that's going to help you be happy. You can't worry about how he's going to get to work without a car or license, him loosing those things is a direct result of his decisions and therefore his problem. You didn't cause it and you aren't responsible for fixing it. Why does your happiness and sanity rest on him being more responsible and having a job......?

Yeah... now you know how therapy goes for me: "Stop fixing other people's problems and start fixing your own." Sorry about the rehash but I think perhaps it's right on in this situation.

[lonegael]

HUggs radio flyer. It's ok, dear. Understand the feeling. I agree that trying to fix AJ and his laxidaisical attitude is just driving clser to the edge. That's his deal, and you gotta take care of you. You don't have to aggree to his rules. time to rewrite the book, methinks, before you really start feeling badly. Huggs dear.

[lynn P.]

(((radio flyer))) - I enjoyed reading your post - there were some humorous parts lol. Seriously though - I think AJ's dad has the right idea - for you all to move out and rent to a single family. This would be so much easier than dealing with one room renters.

Have you heard the saying "too many chiefs and not enough Indians" - you can have 2 managers in your house - you making rules with renters and AJ un-doing the rules on the side - to top it off AJ's dad is micro-managing on the side.

It sounds like AJ is a bit spoiled and I think he needs to learn how to fend for himself. His dad gives him a place to live and he can't live up to managing things correctly. With all those adults in the house - you shouldn't have to bring the garbage can from the curb.

I see by the way you wrote the post, that you don't want to come across as a complainer - you're being very gracious. I feel the only way AJ will become a responsible man, is to fend for himself - he needs to know the feeling of "if I don't work, I won't have a place to live or food on the table". You're a good mom but you have to cut him lose ((radio flyer)) - I say this with the utmost compassion to you.

[Miracle1986]

Thinking about you radio flyer!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

(((radio flyer))) - I enjoyed reading your post - there were some humorous parts lol. Seriously though - I think AJ's dad has the right idea - for you all to move out and rent to a single family. This would be so much easier than dealing with one room renters.

Have you heard the saying "too many chiefs and not enough Indians" - you can have 2 managers in your house - you making rules with renters and AJ un-doing the rules on the side - to top it off AJ's dad is micro-managing on the side.

It sounds like AJ is a bit spoiled and I think he needs to learn how to fend for himself. His dad gives him a place to live and he can't live up to managing things correctly. With all those adults in the house - you shouldn't have to bring the garbage can from the curb.

I see by the way you wrote the post, that you don't want to come across as a complainer - you're being very gracious. I feel the only way AJ will become a responsible man, is to fend for himself - he needs to know the feeling of "if I don't work, I won't have a place to live or food on the table". You're a good mom but you have to cut him lose ((radio flyer)) - I say this with the utmost compassion to you.

[QUOTE][Have you heard the saying "too many chiefs and not enough Indians" - you can have 2 managers in your house/QUOTE]

I meant to say 'can't' not can - big difference what the little 't' can do lol.

[radio_flyer]

Kitty.... Guess the first thing I'd like to say is, "it is my choice" to stay and help rent the basement.. No one is making me do anything. Is my nature to not just run out. I try to leave things behind in "decent" order...

It never entered my "mind" to try to fix AJ or to tell him what to do. My goal is to "encourage" and perhaps guide him. I know he is his own person and he makes his own decisions. Sometimes when we see someone we care about making "poor" decisions, we try to guide them.. But the bottom line is, it is their decision/choice.

And you ask why does my happiness and sanity depend on AJ getting a job and being more responsible. My answer is, we as parents want to see our children settled and responsible in life. We want them to be happy. We want them to "find their nitch" in life. We even tend to want them to have a better life than we had, not that I had such a horrible life... So, my happiness does not depend on AJ...It would just be less "worry" should he find a path and follow it.. I can't make AJ's decisons for him. I don't even try..

Hope this clears things up..

[radio_flyer]

Huggs back lonegale...I agree with yout that it is time to rewrite the book... AJ just came downstairs and I asked him to help me move the boxes in the sun room to the garage and he said he has been "thinking about doing that too". So I said how about helping me today.. lol.... His defenses shot to the roof.. lol He says why to you keep pushing and pushing. I answer because I like to try to get "things done".. So the arguement beings and he struts off.. lol......

He spouts he does not like being "told" what to do. As I was only asking for his help.......But then I spouted, the sofa was sitting in the kitchen for six months and you did not move it to the shed... He said it is gone now, isn't it. I said "yes", but your dad took care of it.. He rants and goes back upstairs.

Mama is very tired as is his papa...Is time to make changes for our lives...And let AJ make his own way... Whatever that "way" might be......

Hardest job in the world, being a parent. I've let go, but looks like I need to let go more.....

[carinacan]

hi....ok i know people gave you a hard time about wanting to be more nuts.......but i understand...sometimes i feel the same wishing that if i had to be like this why not so i don't realise anything is wrong with me and with things in my life? kinda like my aunt she's blissfully un-a-ware of how nuts she is......( can't see how when she'll wake you in the millde of the night so u can try pennut-butter and pickles.) its hard to know that something is realy wrong with you..........and your life..........

hope thangs get better 4 you

[radio_flyer]

(((((((((lynn)))))))))
Sure have heard the expression too many chiefs and not enough indians.. I pretty much in most ways wanted AJ to be the chief because I wanted him to be "responsible" for this/his house. And at times I was the squawking indian, trying to open his eyes that he was making poor choices. Shouting, you are the chief and you aren't doing your job....

You hit the nail on the head when you say AJ is a tad spoiled.. He isn't just a tad spoiled, he is totally spoiled and a bit self-centered. And it "IS" time for him to fend for himself. And I agree, he needs to learn he has to work to "survive"...That time has come... We will see what he does by January.

OO I knew what you meant when you typed can instead of can't...

Thanks Lynn... you are always helpful and wise....

[radio_flyer]

Hi carinacan... Your post made me smile.... To be blissfully unware sounds good sometimes.. thanks for understanding...