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#76
Feb 24, 2012, 01:22 PM
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the pope came to England on holiday, on the last day he is waiting outside the hotel. when his shoufer driven lomosine pulled up he asked the shoufer "can i drive us to the airport please?"
confused the shoufer asked why, the pope replied "because i am so special i am not allowed to drive at home, everyone tries to protect me, but i love driving, i just want a bit of independance back, oh go on , pleeese" the shoufer thought for a while, then agreed. so the pope got in the driving seat and the shoufer went in the back. all was well, they hit the motorway, the pope put his foot on the accelerator, the speedo soon was topping 110 miles an hour. they passed a police car who flashed them to pull over. on doing so the pope wound down his window and stuck his head out to talk to the officer.. the officer was a newbie, so he radioed in for advice, "i have just stopped a lomo doing 110 on the motorway, what should i do?" "book him" "book him, i 'm not sure I should do that" "Why ever not" the controller replied, "he was breaking the speed limit by miles" "well I think he is rather an important person" the officer said "how important" "oh, very important, maybe the most important person ever" Well who is it" I think it may be God" whatever makes you think that" well he has the pope as his shoufer!" |
 Nams
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 iamspecial, Nams, Seshat
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#77
Feb 26, 2012, 03:52 PM
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__________________
 Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| Nams
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| Nams
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#78
Feb 26, 2012, 03:55 PM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| Nams
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| Nams, Seshat
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#79
Feb 26, 2012, 03:57 PM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| Nams
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| Nams
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#80
Feb 26, 2012, 04:10 PM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| Nams
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| Nams
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#81
Feb 26, 2012, 07:42 PM
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^^^ Me gusta pug!!!
We found Dove in a soapless place |
| Nams
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| iamspecial
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#82
Feb 26, 2012, 08:27 PM
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You know sometimes being paranoid works out for you:
I was round a friends house last week, and he was looking round for his 5 bucks.. He momentarily looked at me in a way that made me think "Does he think I took it?" Why would he think I took it? Did I take it? I knew I hadn't but now I had to check.. Well I can't just check my pockets because he will think I've nicked it. I can't turn away because then he'll know I'm checking my pockets, and he'll think I've nicked it. So I went into the toilet to check my pockets. I found his 5 bucks by the sink. Now I can't pick it up and say I found it there cos he'll think I nicked it and I'm giving it back. I can't leave it there because he saw me go in, and he'll know I nicked it and left it there! So I took it 
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| Nams
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| iamspecial, jazper
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#83
Mar 01, 2012, 01:00 AM
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| iamspecial
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#84
Mar 01, 2012, 04:24 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| jazper
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#85
Mar 01, 2012, 04:27 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#86
Mar 01, 2012, 04:45 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
| jazper
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#87
Mar 10, 2012, 09:22 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#88
Mar 10, 2012, 09:23 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#89
Mar 10, 2012, 09:26 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#90
Mar 10, 2012, 09:29 AM
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Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again Last edited by iamspecial; Mar 10, 2012 at 09:34 AM. Reason: changed picture |
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#91
Mar 10, 2012, 09:33 AM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#92
Mar 10, 2012, 06:01 PM
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I know this is an old one, but I just got it in the mail again from someone who apparently forgot she sent it to me 5 years ago!
Texting for Seniors Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you. Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts. ATD: At The Doctor's BFF: Best Friend Fainted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CGU: Can't get up CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn Again HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out LOL: Living On Lipitor LWO: Lawrence Welk's On OMMR: On My Massage Recliner OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas. ROFL...CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up TTYL: Talk To You Louder WAITT: Who Am I Talking To? WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again WTP: Where's The Prunes? WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In) |
| DianaCW91, iamspecial
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#93
Mar 15, 2012, 07:09 PM
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Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
Her batteries were dead.
__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#94
Mar 15, 2012, 07:59 PM
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| iamspecial
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#95
Mar 16, 2012, 05:41 AM
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| iamspecial
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#96
Mar 17, 2012, 12:20 PM
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NOTES FROM THE EDGE: Dear Batman, What was your power again? Sincerely, Superman Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00pm. Sincerely, Unicorns Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok? Sincerely, The Mayans Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b--ch. Sincerely, The Titanic Dear America , You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead. Sincerely, BP Dear Saturn, I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Sincerely, God Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids, Please make one for every skin color. Sincerely, All Non-white People Dear World of Warcraft, Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity. Sincerely, Parents Everywhere Dear Customers, Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies Dear White People, Don't you just hate immigrants? Sincerely, Native Americans Dear iPhone, Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone Use
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"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." - Joseph Campbell |
| iamspecial, kim1975, OctobersBlackRose, possum220
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#97
Mar 17, 2012, 03:47 PM
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick
__________________
"We're human beings!... There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part. And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all." Mario Savio |
| iamspecial, Perna
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#98
Mar 17, 2012, 04:02 PM
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Here's a site that "teaches" your jokes to become more like those you like:
http://shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor/
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
| iamspecial, Seshat
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#99
Mar 17, 2012, 05:17 PM
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Quote:
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| iamspecial
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#100
Mar 18, 2012, 09:37 PM
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__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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