Daily Comments #5- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

I'm a little muddled today. Made it through the day at work and Mom's appointment alright inspite of it.

I want to get over my extreme social phobia of PC's chat rooms. I just can't enter a room of more than a few people if I don't know them. It's equavalant to walking in a crowded room and allowing people to talk behind your back and laugh at you. But at the same time...I feel alone and want the company and I feel like I'm almost blaming them for leaving me alone and excluding me when it's all me!! No feedback required, obviously, but any thoughts, ideas would be welcome....

Well I'm pretty sure people aren't in there laughing at each other - not in a bad way of course. Anyway I got over that whole "what do people think of me thing" a long time ago. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. If they like you that's great. If they don't then whatever. All that matters is that you are who you want to be.

Just do it! What have you got to lose. if you dont do it you dont gain anything but if you do then you can meet new friends and have an interesting conversation but only if you decide that your sick and tired of not doing so,, if that makes sense. if people are really talking behind your back then take that from them, dont give them that opportunity and be on top of everything thats happening so you can eliminate those negative thoughts that might otherwise be holding you back
but chances are no ones laughing at you, more than likely they'd laugh with you if anything
im not an expert so take with a grain of salt

Nice thought, it really is, and thank you, but constantly thinking that people are against you is part of my disability.....from being constantly put down as a child. I, logically, know they're not against and would not purposely be mean, but that does not change my inner turmoil....

Thank you...wish it was that easy. I'm BPD but in this aspect I'm close o AvPD I believe. I want to be accepted, get along, have friends, but would rather avoid the situation than take the chance. I just wish I didn't feel like crap for doing so. It's very complex.....

Wow is this me writing this? Honestly I feel exactly the same way.
I want to hit the button to enter chat but just can't do it as I know if I am ignored I will just feel a whole lot worse.

Beauty of BPD eh?

I am so bored!! I want to paint my workplace walls pink and spray my house with silly string and start a food fight in the deli, then have a limbo competition

Hugs ((((Maranara))))! It sounds like me too. I do tend to feel like people are laughing at me or making fun of me when I try to interact, Or feel like they are putting me down. Plenty of that in the memory banks to draw from and fill in the blanks if the meaning is at all ambiguous. I'm like Norton antivirus, the default is keep 'em out. I'm not sure what the best thing to do is. When I try it just seems to reinforce itself, because I end up feeling excluded all over again. Worse yet I can't seem to disengage.

Why must I go there? Let go of the past!

I was thinking about her too, never thought to post it. Thanks for doing that.

I am pitchin' a wicked game tonight, and the scout come out to see me is the Devil, himself, with a fork full of promises to entice me into playin' for his team.

I'd have to move down south, but I hear its a dry heat.

I had no idea just how much my thoughts are eating me up and taking over, only problem this won't stop them even though I acknowledge they are getting out of control thinking wise.

I live in fear of being misunderstood, angering others, and paying the consequences. Whenever I email or PM someone with anything that could, in even the remotest way, be taken wrong and the person replies, I always have to wait, sometimes as much as an hour, and steel myself before reading it knowing deep down that I've done it and I'm going to be b*tched out. It's horrible every time.

Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry, worry, worry,worry, worry, worry, worry, worry, worry......

I hate rain, we're under a flood watch until Wednesday. It's like a mire out there. Blegh. Also, why do people vacuum at 12am when I have to work the next day? Thanks upstairs neighbors!

Or do laundry! Freakin washing machine running late at night...I am upstairs and I can still hear it...good thing the 1st floor apartment is empty!
Its just dreary here in CLT.
Rain=liquid sunshine. OK its a stretch but tryin to be positive

Toki -Spirit

I'm glad you said that, it makes me feel better. I have insomnia but I don't watch my DVD's w/ the sound, take showers or do other chores because I wondered if the neighbors would hear. Now I know they would and I'm not being weird.

But, what if I'm wrong?

But, what if I'm not?

But, what if I think I am but I'm not?

But, what if I think I'm not but I am?

Sounds awfully familiar there. Thanks for posting this...

some times it seems like things just hit me out of the blue, one right after another-- really this is "pstd" -- no, it's life... the pstd is just how i perceive it right?.. things are probably always thrown at me, just not so, for me to take care to note it really,- or those things don't hit that string with in me..... then when some thing does hit that string with in me, ........ everything gets blown out of proportion, right?... my reaction becomes different than it was before.

this too shall pass, keep moving along....

Woot, Woot, Woot, Woot.

The furnace is cutting out again. It's cold in the house. The repair guy came out this morning but it's still cold. He thought the ducts were blocked. Maybe I should have them cleaned out before the new furnace is installed.

I want to feel what I want to feel instead of being constantly swayed by others. They shouldn't matter so much in my life anymore.

Life is waiting for me to grab hold of it.