Coping with Holiday Stress: What Tips Can You Offer?

I decided to put this thread here instead of somewhere else because it's not just emotions that we're dealing with when it comes to holiday stress.

Here are some holiday stressors that many people struggle with:

1. Being alone for the holidays.
2. Being in a toxic environment for the holidays (this could include family members with toxic behaviors, friends with toxic behaviors, institutions that feel unsafe during this time, etc.)
3. Having to work on the holidays and thus experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out).
4. Experiencing FOMO in terms of not being able to afford gifts, a holiday meal, etc.
5. The stress of shopping for gifts and budgeting.
6. The stress of weight gain during the holidays.
7. Experiencing spiritual manipulation during the holidays.
8. Experiencing financial manipulation during the holidays.
9. The stress of being a vegetarian or vegan during the holidays.
10. Any others?

List some tips that can help us to cope with holiday stress.

If you know of any additional holiday stressors that are not mentioned above, please feel free to list them.

Additionally, please feel free to list resources that can help others deal with holiday stress.

Preparing in advance now will help us when the holidays near. I hope this thread helps.

For me being alone (with my pets & animals) I just make sure I don't overdo on activities & end up exhausted. I limit what I do along with running around.

I don't spend more than I have budgeted either & I don't feel PRESSURED to either.

Live within my means & my capabilities. I try to decorate for each season but even that doesn't always happen. No biggie in the whole scheme of things.

The holidays are just days for me... nothing special. So that definitely helps to keep the stress level down.

Here are links to 6 articles, from PC's archives, on coping with holiday stress (just in case you haven't already read them):

Coping with the Holidays Survival Guide | Psych Central

More Coping with Holiday Stress Tips

10 Tips to Manage Holiday Stress

6 Tips for Approaching the Holiday Season

Simplifying the Holidays

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...oliday-stress/

For me, I live alone and sometimes pretend that the holidays are just another day. But then the feelings of FOMO kick in, especially when I don't have funds, energy, or courage to participate in holiday events. I've had some friends and neighbors invite me out, but I would turn them down most of the time, even if I had money. It's the lack of energy and fears of being physically harmed that truly get to me.

I enjoy hanging out online with other people who are home alone for the holidays. It helps me not feel so alone, and it's almost like we're celebrating something unique of our own.

I've tried asking my mother if I could visit her for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Because my sister and I don't get along, we agreed to not see each other or speak to each other at any events. My mother enjoys spending time with my sister during the holidays, so I don't want to take that away from her. I wind up staying home for those reasons.

I have extended family I could stay with, but my sister has the means to visit them impulsively, so I don't want to risk seeing them if she might show up.

I tried two years ago to reconnect with my sister, but my PTSD and DID kicked in too much for me to be able to deal with that. I literally feared for my life, as my sister can be impulsively dangerous. My sister will slam doors, scream, threaten, and spread rumors if she experiences the faintest bit of rejection or disagreement. She's even threatened our own mother, which I didn't appreciate. Thankfully, after years of hearing my mother's secret complaints about her experiencing elder abuse from my sister, I convinced my mother to move out and find a safe place with either me or one of the other members of our family. My mom lives with her granddaughter and great granddaughter now, and she seems happy. My mom still loves her children, but my sister can be really abusive. I think she has that intermittent explosive disorder thing, but I'm not sure. All I know is that I fear for my life. I cannot enjoy holidays around her, but I respect her wishes and boundaries to stay away from her.

I tried to be a vegetarian, and once in a while I can, but I love meat too much. My ex hated it when I ate meat around him. But I did lose weight when I was an attempting vegetarian. I once cooked vegetarian meals for families who were vegetarian and couldn't afford Thanksgiving meals. There are so many yummy recipies that I found when I had cable and the Food Network Channel. That's how I figured out how to purchase and prepare meals for them. That was fun to do - volunteer during Thanksgiving.

I enjoyed volunteering for homeless shelters because I was once homeless. I also enjoyed hanging out with them over the holidays. They were like my family away from family when I had no one and no money.

I used to make cards, but that can get pricey. It was fun buying glue, small ornaments, and other things I could create fancy cards with. I would hand out handmade cards to different people as a "gift." I don't have the energy or the creativity anymore to do that, but it was fun when I did.

I do like saying, "Merry Christmas," even though some people don't. I try to respect everyone's beliefs and wishes, as I also have family members who are Christian, Jewish, atheist, Catholic, and otherwise. I feel stressed, however, when some people try to convert me. I don't want to be converted. I just want to appreciate the differences everyone has in their religious practices, cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles. I enjoy being free and spiritual on my own terms. If anything, I'd like to celebrate all religious holidays, if I could, even though I'm not of their religion. I just love culture and the warmth I see when people come together. Am I wrong for that? Some think so, but I don't. I just appreciate spirituality in my own unique way.

I feel bad when I receive a gift and cannot afford to give one in return. I'm sure others have felt that way when I gave them gifts, too. I'm still not sure how to approach that - other than hide and avoid getting the gift in the first place, LOL. But seriously. This is a hard one for me.

Thank you @Skeezyks and @eskielover for sharing tips and your own experiences during the holidays.

It helps me to not feel so alone.

I always pick Thanksgiving over Xmas to celebrate w my grown son and his family. That way I avoid all the gift routine. We usuallly give them money. This is the first year I am going to order the whole dinner from Frys, a grocery store here. I always hated calculating when the turkey would be done!
Once when I was single I invited about 6people from a support group and it was a real hit. Lilly I like your idea of helping serve dinner for homeless people.

This is a good topic to discuss. I have a hard time with the holidays. It's gotten easier over the years for me to see holidays as just another day but I am also sad. I really like your suggestion to volunteer and help others. I do some volunteer work and I enjoy it very much. This year I plan to relax and keep things simple and enjoy the important things in life that really matter. I'll be here on PC to check in with anybody who wants to talk.

I just saw on the Fresh Market website they have vegan Thanksgiving dinners you can buy all prepared.

I’ve had many years of too much stress from power struggles over holidays, I am now selfish and do what I want.

As of this moment, I am having over our friends, our two sons who currently do speak to us (2 out of 3 ain’t bad), and my parents. I am making delicious, fresh dishes by myself. If they want my friend or mom can bring whatever they want.

My mom is too old and sick to torment me over control anymore. My husband knows better now to start with me too (after too many years of ridiculous struggle because he hates the work and struggle with my mom). Thankfully that is over and our friends will cause us all to be on best behavior.

I enjoy cooking and entertaining. I never asked anyone to knock themselves out with work. I think perhaps after 25 years we may finally have this!

I’m feeling great and optimistic right now. Fingers crossed!

Hey @Lilly2 I was wonderding what No.7 "Experiencing spiritual manipulation" meant? I don't know if what I'm about to share will make any sense. Please bear with me as I delve deep into my core beliefs.

My late mother always manipulated me to go to church by making me feel bad, really bad, and I hated that because I was old enough to decide on not attending church. Because of the medical training of years ago made me decide I was an athiest.

And then my daughter encouraged me to go and asked me in her sweetly appealing way, especially during the seasonal aspects of her Christian faith such as Easter and Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.

So I went because there was none of that awful manipulation since mother was dead, and I was surprised I didn't have FOMO because the church warmly welcomed me, and Juni and her church friends had me sitting among their group. I recall not feeling the slightest bit awkward. far from it, I was experiencing being part of something completely different.

But I had to make that decision to go, and I was very glad to have done so. Because Juni's enthusiasm was as bright as a morning star, and that gladdened me she had this innate faith thing going on, and that made me very curious, thinking "Just what IS it that my daughter believes? Does God exist after all? And who is this Jesus my daughter is talking about?"

That same night I saw she had put her bible beside my bed. I began reading a passage she'd underlined. All this, was because my interest was piqued. Therefore the only tip I can offer you is that you plunge into Thankgiving and see how it works for you this time. Because the experience might be a lot different. It's the turning away from preconceived ideas, and keeping one's mind open.

There's no mother to hurt and manipulate me any more. Just the complete opposite in my daughter making me want to participate, and to find out more about her religion which has so far helped me become emotionally stronger. But that decision only came bubbling up inside, and that made me feel a lot less worried, or threatened. Just happy. Because in my daughter had I found my safe place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Access Denied Hey @Lilly2 I was wonderding what No.7 "Experiencing spiritual manipulation" meant? I don't know if what I'm about to share will make any sense. Please bear with me as I delve deep into my core beliefs. My late mother always manipulated me to go to church by making me feel bad, really bad, and I hated that because I was old enough to decide on not attending church. Because of the medical training of years ago made me decide I was an athiest. And then my daughter encouraged me to go and asked me in her sweetly appealing way, especially during the seasonal aspects of her Christian faith such as Easter and Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. So I went because there was none of that awful manipulation since mother was dead, and I was surprised I didn't have FOMO because the church warmly welcomed me, and Juni and her church friends had me sitting among their group. I recall not feeling the slightest bit awkward. far from it, I was experiencing being part of something completely different. But I had to make that decision to go, and I was very glad to have done so. Because Juni's enthusiasm was as bright as a morning star, and that gladdened me she had this innate faith thing going on, and that made me very curious, thinking "Just what IS it that my daughter believes? Does God exist after all? And who is this Jesus my daughter is talking about?" That same night I saw she had put her bible beside my bed. I began reading a passage she'd underlined. All this, was because my interest was piqued. Therefore the only tip I can offer you is that you plunge into Thankgiving and see how it works for you this time. Because the experience might be a lot different. It's the turning away from preconceived ideas, and keeping one's mind open. There's no mother to hurt and manipulate me any more. Just the complete opposite in my daughter making me want to participate, and to find out more about her religion which has so far helped me become emotionally stronger. But that decision only came bubbling up inside, and that made me feel a lot less worried, or threatened. Just happy. Because in my daughter had I found my safe place.

@Access Denied

What you described sounds like spiritual manipulation. I'm so sorry you struggled with this (((safe hugs)))

It sounds like your daughter has healthy spiritual exploration!

Thank you for the tips!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv I just saw on the Fresh Market website they have vegan Thanksgiving dinners you can buy all prepared. I’ve had many years of too much stress from power struggles over holidays, I am now selfish and do what I want. As of this moment, I am having over our friends, our two sons who currently do speak to us (2 out of 3 ain’t bad), and my parents. I am making delicious, fresh dishes by myself. If they want my friend or mom can bring whatever they want. My mom is too old and sick to torment me over control anymore. My husband knows better now to start with me too (after too many years of ridiculous struggle because he hates the work and struggle with my mom). Thankfully that is over and our friends will cause us all to be on best behavior. I enjoy cooking and entertaining. I never asked anyone to knock themselves out with work. I think perhaps after 25 years we may finally have this! I’m feeling great and optimistic right now. Fingers crossed!

@TishaBuv That's awesome that you feel "great and optimistic!" Yass!

I hope the holidays are super fun for you and all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop This is a good topic to discuss. I have a hard time with the holidays. It's gotten easier over the years for me to see holidays as just another day but I am also sad. I really like your suggestion to volunteer and help others. I do some volunteer work and I enjoy it very much. This year I plan to relax and keep things simple and enjoy the important things in life that really matter. I'll be here on PC to check in with anybody who wants to talk.

@LilyMop

(((safe hugs)))

I'm sorry that you struggle with the holidays, too. Thank you for liking this thread.

I do get invites from neighbors, like today, a neighbor invited me over for drinks for Thanksgiving. I cannot drink much, but she likes wine and so do I, so two glasses tops.

I am new to this area, so I'm not yet ready for volunteering, but who knows how I'll feel and who I'll run into. I leave my life open and spontaneous that way, as long as it feels and is safe.

Most likely, I'll be on PC, too, and maybe we can throw ourselves an online Thanksgiving Party!

I prefer to be home anyway, since there are a lot of drivers under the influence.

(((safe hugs)))

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvyrself I always pick Thanksgiving over Xmas to celebrate w my grown son and his family. That way I avoid all the gift routine. We usuallly give them money. This is the first year I am going to order the whole dinner from Frys, a grocery store here. I always hated calculating when the turkey would be done! Once when I was single I invited about 6people from a support group and it was a real hit. Lilly I like your idea of helping serve dinner for homeless people.

@luvyrself

Your idea of celebrating Thanksgiving over Xmas sounds really cost-effective and fun! And who doesn't like money?! They can do their own gift shopping, lol, and you can save on the time, gas, wrapping paper, and all - even better! YAY!

I, too, have ordered thanksgiving meals from stores like Fry's. It's easy to just reheat; no prep work the night before and day of. It's also less expensive, it seems. When I purchased the items from scratch, according to the Food Network, I spent about $150 to $200 on one thanksgiving meal, though some of those ingredients went to cooking about three thanksgiving meals one year, when I did one regular, one vegetarian (cooked and prepped in separate dishes at a separate time so that no meat contaminated the vegetarian dishes whatsoever), and one for myself (a combo of both vegetarian and meat-lovers). It was fun when I had the energy, but my illnesses limit me now.

I may or may not order a Thanksgiving meal for myself this year. It depends on whether or not I'll be invited to my neighbors' places. My neighbors are really sweet. One made me a cookie the other day, and I swear it was the best cookie ever. I don't cook, even though my past thanksgiving dinners would suggest otherwise. If I do bake or cook, I need the television and DVR so that I can pause while I'm cooking with the show. I'm sort of slow when it comes to learning how to cook/bake.

I just found more forums on PC, which includes "Recipes & Healthy Living," I believe, and some others. I think that would be a great place to share thanksgiving ideas.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover For me being alone (with my pets & animals) I just make sure I don't overdo on activities & end up exhausted. I limit what I do along with running around. I don't spend more than I have budgeted either & I don't feel PRESSURED to either. Live within my means & my capabilities. I try to decorate for each season but even that doesn't always happen. No biggie in the whole scheme of things.

@ eskielover

I cannot afford to decorate this season, and I, too, live within my means. Those are great suggestions! With my chronic fatigue syndrome, I, too, have to take it easy with my energy reserves; I make sure that I don't overdo it, also.

You sound like you have a swell family of animals/pets there to keep you company! Yay! That's a lot of love to be thankful for!

(((safe hugs)))

Once upon a time the holidays were so busy it was a frenzy. When all the elders died off and the kids grew up and went their ways it all dwindled down to almost nothing. Money is a huge problem for me...my kids are in their 30's, career oriented, and will likely travel over the holidays.So it's major FOMO for me.

I used to really enjoy working on the holidays, much more so than any gatherings. But I retired from that job (I was a waitress).

So there's T-giving, Hanukah, Christmas, my birthday, and New Year's Eve. My husband and I will go to a diner for dinner on Christmas; I'm looking forward to that; it's fun. And I'll take myself to breakfast for my birthday.

I thank the universe for my precious pets to spend the holidays with. And I'll definitely be hanging out here.

Tips? Hmm...I'll be thinking on that one...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks The holidays are just days for me... nothing special. So that definitely helps to keep the stress level down. Here are links to 6 articles, from PC's archives, on coping with holiday stress (just in case you haven't already read them): Coping with the Holidays Survival Guide | Psych Central More Coping with Holiday Stress Tips 10 Tips to Manage Holiday Stress 6 Tips for Approaching the Holiday Season Simplifying the Holidays https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...oliday-stress/

@Skeezyks

Thank you so much for the links. I read most of them, and under the one that lists even more links, I found the boundaries one especially helpful for me: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...-the-holidays/

I like your (and others') idea of seeing the holidays as another day. That helps with relieving the pressure of joining in or not joining in.

I'll most likely be online here for the holidays. I'm new to my area, so volunteering isn't in the cards just yet. My neighbor invited me over her place, so I might check that out for an hour or two - tops. I tend to watch holiday movies by myself though, so I find ways to enjoy celebrating it on my own.

I'm not a true introvert; I typically test with both introversion and extroversion, so I'm somewhere in the middle. I think my disabilities turned me into an introvert, but at heart, I'm more of an extrovert.

Oh, and you mentioned in another post about liking mysteries. I used to watch Murder, She Wrote growing up, and occassionally Alfred Hitchcock. Years later, and I now enjoy watching different movie/tv genres, including fantasy, psychological thrillers, mystery movies/shows, crime-based shows, romantic comedies, some holiday flicks, some animated shows, some documentaries, etc. Rarely, I'll see a horror flick, though I used to be into Nightmare on Elm Street growing up.

Oh, and I love those movies that include teachers, such as Stand and Deliver, Dead Poets Society, Dangerous minds, Akeelah and the Bee, and Larry Crowne, just to name a few.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags Once upon a time the holidays were so busy it was a frenzy. When all the elders died off and the kids grew up and went their ways it all dwindled down to almost nothing. Money is a huge problem for me...my kids are in their 30's, career oriented, and will likely travel over the holidays.So it's major FOMO for me. I used to really enjoy working on the holidays, much more so than any gatherings. But I retired from that job (I was a waitress). So there's T-giving, Hanukah, Christmas, my birthday, and New Year's Eve. My husband and I will go to a diner for dinner on Christmas; I'm looking forward to that; it's fun. And I'll take myself to breakfast for my birthday. I thank the universe for my precious pets to spend the holidays with. And I'll definitely be hanging out here. Tips? Hmm...I'll be thinking on that one...

@BethRags

I think your tips are embedded within your response. Thank you!

I used to love going to diners on the holidays, that is, when I had friends to hang out with. As I aged, I realized how different life became during every decade of my life, from 20's to 30's to now, in m 40's.

You bring up an excellent point about ageing, which includes changes in holidays. Some families do the traditional "get together" thing, whereas other families are dispersed. I can understand how your own children are exploring the world and their careers, and how the holidays seem different because of that. I tend to have FOMO when I think back on my younger years and how much I miss it.

It's great that you have a husband to share this with, and the wonderful Hanukkah celebration. One of my mentors and my half-brother are Jewish, and they go all out for the Jewish holidays! I am learning more about the Jewish tradition through hearing stories from my family and my mentor (who published a book with a Jewish theme). I don't know much yet, but I will eventually.

I typically spend my birthdays alone. I'll take myself out or purchase a movie online to watch. I give myself a treat. My mother sends me a card and a gift every holiday and every birthday, which is sweet. My other family members see me as the black sheep of the family because I'm "disabled," and in their eyes that means "I'm unsuccessful." They were almost happy for me when I graduated with my bachelor's, but not enough to sustain any praise because I haven't been able to return to work full-time or have a real professional title. I'm not sure what I'll do when it's my mom's time, which I hope won't be for a while. She's nearing her mid-80s, so I'm hoping she'll live to 100. It's possible, but I have to be realistic, too. It feels like she's the only family I have left.

I don't know my half-brother too well, as we didn't grow up together. He's about your age. One of our nephews just enlisted in the Army, so he'll be serving his country and away for the holidays. My half-brother is an Army vet himself, and currrently disabled. We do get along, but I prefer to be alone. He has a sweet family.

Anyway, thank you for the tip on going out to a diner (even though you didn't see that as a tip). It's fun to see who else decided to not cook or mingle like everyone else.

(((safe hugs)))

My daughter said she had a clear spiritual experience, but wanted to tell me of it. When I accompanied her to the church and experienced how loving and unjudgemental everyone was, I felt a sense of belonging. When I told them I was GP, they invited me to do a talk, so I chose The Halo Trust which a colleague of mine supports. You might find this interesting.

Clearing mines & Helping Countries Recover | The HALO Trust

...and so the drama begins... Just after writing about my plans, our friends probably aren’t coming because of their family drama. So we’re down to just us and my parents now. Keep posted, surely more drop outs to come

I feel for the folks on this thread who are alone and lonely. Even with having family, we have struggle and stress for no good reason.

This year, I am staying calm with whatever may come. It’s just turkey! I hope you all will feel peaceful and grateful, too, on Thanksgiving for whatever you have.

(((Hugs, TishaBuv)))

I'm so sorry that some (not all) of your plans fell through. But here's to hope that the rest of the plans go smoothly, and that you have a good experience this holiday season.

I'm totally okay with being alone. I prefer it, actually. I will probably be online here for the majority of the holiday season. I have been invited to visit with neighbors, so I might do that for an hour or two, but home is where I feel most comfortable.

Next year I am hoping to be in better health so that I can visit homeless shelters and other areas. I want to volunteer and/or simply have a meal and conversation with some homeless folks about light, hopefully cheery stuff. This year, however, I need to focus on my health and new life transitions.

I'm glad to hear that you will remain calm during this time. That's inspiring! I'm hoping to do the same.

Run to the hills! And bring some sambuca with you for comfort and sipping.

Some times, when either I am really stressed out or people around me are -- or if they are savages as some get- the lyrics "it's the most wonderful time of the year" comes into my head and sometimes I will hum or sing it.
Yes it's sarcasm, yea I have baggage, and it's ok to be me.

I am learning still, to NOT push myself to "suppose to" and do more "what I want" without shame or guilt, thats been WIP for years. No shame or guilt if just curled up with my cat.
I am learning I do not have to go sitting with "happy cheery " people when I am anxious or depressed, and slapping on yet another mask to make them feel better ((for work that is))..

I am switching up December this year, for my own Mental health reasons (back in therapy and not been 100%). I will see my dog friends in November though. ((House and pet sit for a family that goes out, always happy to do that because the dogs I do love and I hear the kids are happy the dogs are alreadyat home, but I need to self care this year)).

I am planning to go to the gardens this year to see the lights, as I didn't do anything this fall with festivities due to, well where the hell did the time go?

Depending on my mood I may get creative, or I may just let the days go by and do life. Time has been slowing down for me in my mind, so maybe I can plan a little if I have the energy and motivation to.

I rarely decorate.

I did already get two kids of my friend's family gifts, because I wanted to. I'm going to let their dad decide if gifts are for home or grandma's.

I do not plan to go to friend's family's dinner as I haven't for a while now (even when we were together I had stopped), I realize even subtle family disfunction and all that stuff, I'm very sensitive to and do not need to subjugate myself to it if I am not up to it. Yes avoidance but safe, and do my thing, and again no shame in knowing One's self enough.

I may apologizes for missing works lunch too, as I just have been having issues with dealing with facades lately... and they are there... but will see.

I will plan to either go out or make a small nice meal.

One day at a time. Dont beat myself up on expectations or what others do. I will probably get a poke here and there but it's ok, it's going to happen.
I know I will debate with myself on contacting my estranged brother, but If I do or don't, no regrets because in the moment I will have my reasons.
My sister I just simi reconnected within this year-I will text at least, but I don't expect an Invite.

Setting the bar low is always good on this topic for me, and also reminding myself- if I want to make cards make them, if i don't- then don't..
, making sure to not over indulge in the sambuca too helps me out, but some is ok if I am up for it .. no eggnog though 🤮

Good (early for me!) morning to you @Lilly2

I've just thought of something potentially useful to help you cope with the holidays. Do any of your supermarkets sell ready-meals? If so, then perhaps you could buy a Thanksgiving ready meal where everything has been previously prepared, and you just heat it up with the instructions they supply. Usually the manufacturers include the nutritional info.

Like over here 'across the pond', we have ready-meals. Some like from Waitrose or M&S are very good! As I'm a lousy cook and come home tired and daughter is occupied, sometimes I heat these up and have a tv dinner. Perhaps this could be used to help you cope without too much cooking!

The one advice I can give is don’t do anything you don’t want to do and you don’t absolutely have to do.

I wish I could just skip thanksgiving this year and go straight to Christmas. Right now I feel decent though about it. I just don’t want to deal with jerk family members and food I don’t feel like eating.

I usually hang out here on PC part of the day on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I celebrate the holidays with my family but have a toxic relative that I’ve often had panic attacks around. I’m looking forward to the holidays this year because I set firm boundaries with said relative. So far so good.

I’ll be around those days if you want or need to talk.