How are you feeling right now #6?

Well, I think I'm feeling a bit better crampwise today, although it seems to challenge me every once in awhile. The other concerning matter is the right side of my jaw that seems to be hurting today. I didn't do anything to it, per se, but I've had this jaw clicking (but on both sides and in fact longer on the left) for well over a year now and wonder if that's why. But it just feels really inflamed when I bite down...sometimes, or it just feels like I got punched in the face. I dunno. It just sucks and worries me.

Aside from that, I'm doing ok. I actually had some good time last night chatting away on this and other forums...but I really feel I need to take a screen break. I at least was able to old off as I watched my morning soap. I just feel I have so much to say and online is my outlet...but I suppose there will be time for it. Right now I've gotta focus on my health and getting some stuff done...i guess we will see how well this works if I manage to stay offline awhile or if I just come right back. Lol

Because I was super depressed and hoping to either

A. Sleep all day

B. Never wake up.

Neither of those things happened and I ended up just feeling like crap all day.

*** hugs*** Mountaindewed

I'm sorry if I came across as preachy/insensitive - I was just kind of shocked at the dose.

And, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so depressed. I hope things get better for you soon.

I am struggling to focus on work.

My job has kind of become a joke. I'm assigned to a project where nobody needs my skills. So I'm being asked to "research" things that are very logistical (i.e. pricing for software) - which is so far out of the realm of what I do, and is super boring, and is confusing because I have no clue which components the developers need, they should be doing this.

It's just stupid. I'm very aware of how much I've screwed up my career and life at this point. I'm glad I sent the email to the coach/T/MBTI person though - eagerly checking my inbox every few minutes (ha!) for a reply. I don't think it will be a magic bullet, but I'll take a little hope where I can find it.

No, you were totally fine.

Tired and depressed

Freaked out and scared.

I got a 3 month supply of my Geodon 80 milligrams today. It cost me $83 but at least I feel relieved about that particular issue. I feel better overall right now

Like I've turned over a new leaf [again, for the umpteenth time].

I'm feeling halfway decent this morning.

Stressed and anxious.

Very anxious.

My PMS symptoms are way down today. But I haven’t gotten my period yet. Weird. I think sometimes In the past the symptoms suck for days and then they are suddenly ok and then I get my period the next day.

A little confused... the T/coach that I emailed (using the email address from her website) about doing Meyers-Briggs testing/coaching didn't email me back.

It's only been a day, but.. *sigh*. I get it, people are busy, but it feels sort of unprofessional to not at least *acknowledge* the message. I want to move forward with my life and feel like THIS! could help - I'm excited, but my excitement tends to not last long - So I don't know.

A little stressed about all the "pandemic" talk. Stores here are selling out of things like toilet paper, apparently. I'm pretty well stocked, and didn't leave the house yesterday or today (other than for a walk at lunch, to get some fresh air). But I'll need to get groceries again at some point... maybe in a week or week in a half.

Glad it's friday.

I am a little stressed too about not hearing back yet from my doctor. Well, he did get back the first time, but there as some issue. So anyway, I gotta wait the weekend anyway, but don't know how long to wait before I just go ahead and schedule appointments. ...also stressing about the visit itself too. :/

But I'm pretty good today.

I feel quite good, today. A sense of relief and of a renewed optimism in not wanting to go backwards in my recovery efforts.

A little anxious about the coronavirus.

I had this one really long weird dream and now I’m wide awake with massive anxiety.

Tired. Kind of grumpy at having to get up early - waiting for the bug guy. Ugh. Mornings.

Stressed, reading the reddit for my city, it looks like the grocery stores have been wiped out of food as people stock up for the coronavirus. It's triggering my "food stress" - i.e. that there's not going to be enough food and I'll end up starving.

I'm find for now, but not sure how long my current food will last. I've got four meals coming on Tuesday (assuming Fedex keeps working) from a place that does meal delivery, and I doubled up my order for the next Tuesday. So that should take some pressure off. I probably should go through my freezer and actually make a list of what I have, so I can see how long it will last.

Just... ugh. I wish people weren't panicking and buying *everything* - like, if we all buy what we normally use and need, the supply should stay fairly stable. But I get it, everyone's trying to get enough to last so they don't have to go out.

But still, ugh. Not fun.

I think I’m getting sick. No joke. I took a Pepcid and it is not heartburn. I’m just thinking of all the people I know who are gonna crap their pants out of fear when they find out. I mean I first started feeling this last night in my lungs and throat. Is that bad?

I'm just... freaking out a little over the virus stuff.

I've been happily hunkering at home for the last few days. A little stressed today with the bug guy coming, but otherwise, doing mostly OK.

But, guess what! My period finally came (late)! Oh what wonderful joy! I have terrible cramps, and *need* ibuprofen to function... and didn't realize until tonight that I've only got enough to get through one day... maybe a day and a half if you count my travel meds in my purse.

So, at 9:30, I ran out to the local drug store.

It was empty. Good for me. The only guy working there kept his distance (literally moved away as he was arranging the stuff on the shelves that I was approaching) and had gloves. OK, I can live with that.

He sneezed right before handing me my receipt though (which I then carefully tossed in the trash on my way out).

And I think it's just hitting me how much stress just getting out of the house for very basic necessities is going to be. I don't have gloves. I wash my hands as soon as I get inside, but to get inside my house, I have to use my keys - so they're potentially contaminated.

I ended up:
- Coming inside, dropping everything on the floor.
- Washing my hands, counting to 20.
- Picking up the medicine from the plastic bag, taking one bottle out of the cardboard box it was packaged in, and putting it on the floor (box went in recycling).
- Throwing away the plastic bag, turning it inside out first (I figure the germs were on the outside, maybe this keeps them from floating around?!!?)
- Taking a disinfecting wipe (I only have a small amount, b/c the stores ran out!) and wiping down the medicine bottle that was NOT in a box. Then realizing if I got germs on the wipe, it would just smear them on the second bottle. so threw that out.
- Took another wipe to wipe down the second bottle, which actually should be fine (it was in a sealed box) - and wiping down my keys as much as I could and the door handle.
- Realizing there's nothing I can do if I managed to transfer germs to my purse, because it's leather, and I don't think (?) wiping the straps with antibacterial wipes is good for them?
- Edit to add: Washed my hands again, b/c of handling the medicine bottles and the wipes. Twice, because I forgot to count the first time.

It's all stressful.

But OMG - you know - just a couple weeks ago, there was one of those "subscription boxes" that sent out "Phone soap" - this cool device that uses UV light to sanitize phones and other objects. I think, in retrospect, they're looking kind of brilliant right now. I WISH I had gotten either the box, or just ordered the device then (I thought about it, and literally thought "meh, where am I going to plug this in? Will I ever really use it?") - the thing is, of course, sold out and back-ordered now.

Phew - that's my stuff for tonight. I'm going to try to sleep in tomorrow and get some rest. But, oh yeah, the period. So comfy happy sleeping in seems unlikely.

*hugs* to everyone.

PS I'm so hungry. Why am I so hungry? I think it's a combination of stress, fighting the germs, and being nervous about not being able to get food.

I'm feeling quite grateful actually. I mean half the world is reeling from the threat of the Covid-19 virus, and here we are in New Zealand with only 8 confirmed cases [but just my luck I end up being the 9th].

My heart goes out to everyone battening down the hatches and locking themselves inside the house at this time.

Take all the suggested precautions, please. It'll pass soon, I do sense that now.

I am relatively calm this morning, which is so much better than yesterday. I keep telling myself I am safe. I don't have to be anywhere for a month. I don't have to be around anyone for a long time. A technician was supposed to come out to my home to work on my computer, but I've decided I don't want a strange person in my home. I will ask Dell if I can just ship my computer to them for repairs. Hopefully they will understand.

I just don’t feel good today. I’m putting on a lot of weight due to stress and I’m just moody and annoyed about everything. Plus I still have this sore throat and I’m not sure what it’s going to turn into.

I don't feel very well. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted! and my tummy is hurting due to it all...as well as my morning vitamins (why do healthy things hurt my tummy?? )