Your attention please!

I happen to be doing fairly well, however, I am a little manic—1.5-2 hrs sleep is all I need to feel energized. I know a crash is probably right around the bend, but at least, for the moment, my world feels good. It has been a long time since I felt anything good. Sometimes mania can be a whole lotta fun and right now, I am having a blast! I will be calling my pdoc tomorrow to see if he can tone this down a little because I have only slept a couple hrs a night for the last 10 nights. I know if I don’t sleep soon, my world will come crashing down on me.

So, I asked for your attention—just what do I want? Well, your attention! I feel like I need you to say hello, how is it going…I am thinking of you…just anything so I know I am not alone. Tell me about your day or one of your favorite memories…I don’t know, just talk to me. Let me know I am worth your energy to post a reply. I want to read something that was written to me…I don’t care what it is about, I just want to know I matter and I am worth your time.

It is weird, I am having a blast in life but, there is still a little part of me that just needs confirmation that I count.

So, how was your day? What were your dreams about last night? How are you feeling right now? What are you doing over the long weekend? What is your favorite book and why? Do you like sushi? Tell me something good, tell me something bad…just tell me something.

Hi DepressMe. I'm glad you are here and I really do think you're worth a lot. You are not alone and a lot of people here care for you. I'm glad you're calling pdoc tomorrow.

And, I love sushi.

thanks wanttoheal, I intellectually know bunches of people here care for me...esp you since you told me! Sometimes, it is nice to hear it...

I feel kinda pathetic asking for attention....but, it is better to ask for attention than for me to act out in order to get it. Much healthier for me.

I love sushi too. As long as it is super fresh!

(((((depressme)))))

hi there, my day kinda sucked, but that is nothing new lately i am used to it, i didn't dream last night, cause i am sleeping about as much as you are, maybe slightly less, right now i feel fairly decent physically, which is a big improvement over how i have been feeling so that is a good thing. i plan to spend my long weekend sleeping, if i can do it, otherwise i will probably clean my house obsessively. my favorite book is actually a series of books about the Dragon Riders of Pern, by Anne MacAffrey because they are just the perfect mix of romance, and science fantasy that i can totally get lost in that world and not think about my own. and i absolutly hate sushi.

i am glad you are enjoying this manic episode, kinda wish i could get a good one going right now, but please see your doc before you crash. you do matter to me. and i know that no matter how good if feels right now, it won't last and you will need the support before it ends.

i am going to try to lay down and go to sleep now. have you ever tried meditating? it might help you to ease down so that you can get some good rest. just a thought.

hugs
lost

Hi lost, thanks for writing--it makes me feel really good to read it.

Sorry your day kinda sucked and I hope you can get some sleep. If you need a house to obsessively clean, I live in Columbus, Ohio and I will pay travel expenses. Funny, I stay awake all night and have loads of energy, but I still don't seem to get much housework done!

I like bunches of books. The hunchback of Notre Dame by Hugo is one of my favorites. (the adult version) I love Nausea by Sarte. Watership Down by Adams. When I am feeling really intellectual, I obsessively read Sailing a Deeper Night by Dixon. Oh, that book is out of print and I got the last one on Amazon...I hope they print another batch because I think it is a masterpiece.

Thanks for sharing a little about yourself!

Oh, yeah, I do meditate. Lately, about 1.5 to 2 hrs a day. I think that is what is keeping me sane. At least I am resting my mind, even if I am not sleeping. When I am this wound up, it can be hard to sit still, but I have some meditation CDs that really help me focus. Meditation is probably one of the best things I can do for myself when I am little manic.

I'll send some good thoughts your way...

(((((((((((((((( DePressMe ))))))))))))))))))))

You have my full attention!!!! You matter, and I'm really glad you posted and asked for what you needed. Go you!

Let's see. I like sushi. I play the saxophone/drums/keyboards/sing (not all at the same time) in a band - we play mostly classic rock stuff, and mostly in someone's basement, although we do the occasional fundraiser, party, or talent show. It's fun!

My day was kind of stressful so I'm a little distracted mentally right now by that....but there's a couple of things for you anyhow!

Take good care of yourself. I know it feels good to feel good...but be careful, okay? And keep posting. I'm enjoying reading your posts around PC tonight!

Hi sweetie,

It's so nice to hear from you and I'm glad your world feels good.

Today was my last day of work. I am now on vacation. Youpie!!! I am not going anywhere though because I'm moving so I have a lot to pack. I'm moving same time as PC.

What is your favorite author? My favorite author is me of course. lol

Do you play a musical instrument?

Hope your evening will be good.

Love you,
Justgiving

you are welcome depressme, and thank you for sharing. i used to read constantly, but that was many years and children ago. now i finally have time to read again, but i have the attention span of a gnat. there are days that i can't even post on here because i can't remember what i read long enought to respond to it. but i am in therapynow and they are getting me medicated a little better, so hopefully i will get better. i would love to come clean your house, unfortunately i am pretty much housebound. hubby drags me out once a weeek for therapy, and iam starting to be able to go out on my back screened porch for a few minutes to watch the ducks, but hoping that will get better too.

i have to talk to pdoc next week about going back on my sleep meds. i am doing better with the panic attacks, down to a couple a week, and am semi functional with the level of anxiety i am having, but the less i sleep the worse everything gets.

hope you get some rest.

lost

My 2 year old niece is visiting with her parents and she's awesome! I love her more than anything in the world and she's just fabby!

They're leaving to go home tomorrow and taking my mom with them for a vacation so I'm a smidge concerned about how I'm going to cope and care for myself but I guess I'll survive.

I don't know you but thought I'd pop in and say hey anyways

Take care
x

thanks earthmama! Wow, you sound really talented! I have many talents but music is not one of them! Play a note or two for me. The closet I get to anything like singing is when I dance around the house and play the air guitar or pretend I am on stage singing to a big audience. If I could play any instrument...it would be the violin or maybe the saxophone. I like the way they make you feel.

I hope you are able to let go of your stress and have a good evening....take few deep breaths and remember that you are a special person. Letting go of our stress is difficult, but hanging onto it serves no meaningful purpose except making us miserable.

Have a good evening!

I love sushi, but it is sadly nonexistent in northwest Wisconsin. If you'd like to take home and clean up the deer you hit on the road, there's all kinds of venison, though. Oh, and the gas stations sell live bait, in case you want to go fishing.

I went back to work part-time this week. I'm kind of regretting it. Plus, I pissed off T this week, and yet another friend got a nasty medical result. So most of my news isn't too whippy, sorry.

However, I did stop by the library tonight in anticipation of the long weekend, which, since I have no cable right now, will involve lots of reading.

Lost, I can relate to being housebound. I only leave my house when I have to. Just going down to the mailbox can be difficult for me. Whether it is good or bad, I am forced to go to work everyday. I often end up in my car hyperventilating, but I do manage to make it most days. It is always such a relief to get home. Thank goodness for the net, that is where I get a lot of my social needs met. I don't feel as anxious when I am online. My backyard is an absolute jungle because I never go out there. Keep working at it--it is possible to overcome your anxiety. I use a lot of deep breathing and meditation. Yes, my meds and sleep play an important role in how much I can get out and how much I can read. I am like you, when I am not on my meds or feeling real anxious I can't make it through a single page. Right now, I am doing pretty good though.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Hey DPM, glad to hear from you!! Anyway, I'm too freakin lazy to write much of anything right now, but just wanted to say hi, and let you know that i LOVEEE sushi =]

Hi

You're worth lots to me, I should be alseep but wanted to post, glad you're doing good

love,
Fuzzy

Hey Depressme!
Glad you are feeling better, but also glad you're sensitive to your feelings and know when you're getting "a little manic" and need toning down.
I always enjoy reading your posts here. You're the BEST!

It's Cat Wars here at my house.
I had to bring the outside cat in so the inside cat could go out.
The inside cat (Tree Climber) sits on the air conditioner and surveys the yard when he's outside. The outside cat (Hissy) sits in the laundry room and meows when she's inside.
They REALLY don't like each other.

Hi Justgiving, thanks so much for giving me some attention--you have made me feel better, so give yourself some kudos.

Glad you are on vacation...yuck about the move. I absolutely hate moving. Right now, I am packing most of my belongings and moving them to the garage. I am painting and fixing my house up to get it ready to sell. UUgghh..I'd almost rather move than have to fix up this old wreck.

What do you write? I am an avid reader. Not as gifted at writing. But, I have started a book that maybe...in the year 2020 or so will be done. I seem to work on it for a bit and then get lost in the world. It is hard to stay on task with such a big project. I am not too worried about the completion date--just the process of writing it is worth it.

hard to pick a favorite author...I'd probably say...maybe Sartre or well, Hugo or...well, I think Kurt Vonnegut is a master at the art of writing. I was lucky enough to be at his final talk--it was at the ohio state university, which is also where he gave one of his first talks. i like him because he makes me think but, keeps me well entertained.

Love you too my friend...

thanks Candybear! thanks for sharing part of yourself! Yeah, I don't think of sushi when I think of Wisconsin. I think of nature and some really cold winters. When I had no money, I hate a ton of venison because it was free....one time I ran out of ketchup and had to eat it just out of the pan...I hope i never have to even look at it again. However, I guess if I got hungry enough I'd probably try it...but, I sure would put a lot of ketchup on it.

Good you are back to work--are you ready for the stress of it? Hang in there and keep at it, it will get better. Of course, I don't know about you, but I wish I was independently wealthy so I never had to work. It is not that I am lazy, it is just that I have never found a job that did not stress me out or one that I really liked...I'd much rather paint than go to work.

Ahhh...pissing off Ts is part of the process. If they are a professional, they can handle it. Matter of fact, if they are a professional, they won't really get pissed off--they will realize it is all part of the process. Don't feel bad about it--look at how you can grow from it. There has got to be a little bit of good in it...maybe something you can learn or something you will decide to change about yourself.

It is never good to get bad medical results....our health is so important. Be there for your friend...remember to take care of yourself too. It hurts when we get bad news about the people we love. Hang in there and thanks for writing! Your news does not have to be "whippy" I am honored that you shared part of yourself....thanks.

You count, sweetheart, most definitely.

I hope there is no crash for you. I hope there's more of a slow "winding". That's my hope for you. Know I care.

Me? I'm doing good. Recovery from surgery is going well and I see the neurosurgeon again on the 3rd to check the fusion progress.

I'm busy with my boys. Little David started kindergarten this week and it's been very emotional for me. I'm still helping youngest manage her illness(es) and what it can do to her emotions, while helping her with my little angel...her boy who is almost 14 months now.

I saw my littlest angel today as well. He's almost 10 mos. now and too cute too. My oldest and her hubby are packing up for 8 days in NC with their best friends who moved last year. They've not seen the baby and it's all very exciting. I went in to get him from his nap and surprise him and he saw it was me and there was an IMMEDIATE SMILE, followed by a giggle...so happy to see hims mammaw.

He recognizes his song now (I've made up songs for all my babies and my daughters wanted me to do it for my grandbabies too. I have and they both know it's their song (it has their name in it).

I started and he just smiled and looked into my eyes:

Bright eyes and a button nose
Gift from God, Heaven knows
Mama's pride and daddy's boy
But Ethan James is mammaw's joy

Wants to run before he walks
Learned to sing before he talked
Brightest smile there is around
Sweetest boy in this whole town

Ethan James you shine so bright
All my heart filled with your light
Ethan James, son, you must know
That your mammaw loves you so!

Hehe. Well, he loves it.

You're gonna be alright, hon.

KD

Hi alleykat, thanks for giving me some of your time and sharing about yourself. Probably one of the biggest things we can do for one another is share our time and feelings. Our time is one of the most valuable things we have and I am glad you gave me a little of yours!

It is always sad when people we love have to leave...I hope you can keep the wonderful feelings and thoughts about your niece with you while you are on your own. I know she is only 2, but, if you get lonely, sit and make her something--a little card or something to send to her. Maybe her parents could hang it on the fridge and it will be the first piece of mail she has ever gotten...or maybe just something that would remind you have how special she is while you make it.

thanks for being here for me! You have made my day much brighter.

Hey DPM

So glad to hear from you!!! I'm a little tired right now with my 2mg of Klonopin, but I'll respond more tomorrow if thats ok!!!

Keep safe and peaceful~

Love, Dee

Thanks Mel! hey, you don't have to write me a book--just giving me a short shout has boosted my spirits. You are giving me just what I need! Don't think of yourself as lazy--we all need to pick what we expend our energy on...I hope you are taking care of yourself. Thanks for being here!

I love you too Fuzzy....you hold a special place in my heart. I always love to hear from you. Thanks so much for letting me know I am worth something to you...I hope you know how much you mean to me....you are the best...Take care of yourself and get some sleep.

Hey free2beme...cats are finicky...and impossible to understand. Well, maybe not impossible. I understand they pretty much just want their way about everything...all the time. Not to mention that the world revolves around them, the food dish and getting petted...sometimes, I wish I was a cat...it must feel great to do all that purring while you get petted...not have to worry about bills or cleaning the kitchen...after all, if you are a cat, the food dish just automatically gets cleaned and restocked...don't have to lift a paw...of course, I am not too sure I'd like the whole litter box thing...that looks like a little work...my cat considers it very important that everything in the litter box is exactly where it needs to be....even if she has to scratch for 30 mins at 3 am...

thanks for being here for me....

Hi kimmydawn...yeah I thought you were feeling better--you have been here hanging out with us a lot more. We sure did miss you. I hope your appointment with the neurosurgeon brings you good news. I will think good thoughts fro you on the 3rd...well, heck I might as well just think good thoughts about you now and tomorrow and.....I really do appreciate you...as a person and friend. you are a special gift to psychcentral and the many members here.

kids are so precious....sounds like you cherish each moment you have with them...that is so...well...important. Sometimes, I get busy and forget to take the time to do the things that matter the most...like taking the time to sing a song for a special little baby...and to feel the love. You are a very lucky woman...of course, you deserve all the love you have in your life. I am so happy for you...makes my heart smile to read your song...I can almost see you smile as you sing it...I bet you hold a very special spot in many peoples heart....if I was musically inclined I would write a song for you...but, I am afraid you will have to be satisfied with this post....and I very much appreciate how much of yourself you share with me....