[LostandLonleySoul]

The other day I woke up with mild cramps and I brushed it off like it was brakston hicks contractions. A few hours later my water broke. I was only 20-21 weeks along. By the time I got to the hospital it was too late. I was dialated and "ready" to push. There was nothing that they could do except let me hold my daughter while she died. I think that God is a cruel "being" to let a child die like that. People are saying that it just wasn't ment to be. Her life was supposed to be cut short. I say take my life over any childs any day. I have lived and that tiny child had just enough to say hi and that is it.

How do I cope with this? I really don't know. The greif is over wheming.

[Eva1nder]

((((((((((((( Kathie )))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry... I have no answer to your question because I haven't lost a child, but I just really feel badly that you had to go through that...you've been through so much.

I really feel badly to hear this .

Ray was just asking asking about you last night cuz we haven't seen you and were wondering if you were ok.

Maybe hopefully you can find some support or better answers from some ppl who have been in those shoes tho.

I just wanted to know you're on my mind and how sorry I am for you.

*hugs Kathie*
Please take care and pm me anytime
Eva

[LostandLonleySoul]

Thanks Eva. (((((((((((((eva)))))))))))))) It's good to know that you are here for me.

[nothemama8]

Kathie, I know it seems unfair , please don't blame God or anyone. This was just one of those unfore
seeable things that happen.
I lost a little boy at 7 months, so I do know your pain, the Dr said it could have been due to stress, meds, any number of things. It didn't make it any easier, but look at it this way she is now a guardian angel
Angie

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((( Kathie )))))))))))))))))

I am very sorry to hear that

[darkeyes]

So very sorry to hear this. I wish I had an answer, wish I had some words of comfort . . . unfortunately I do not.
Please take care,
DE

(((((((((((((( Kathie )))))))))))))))

[Ganesha]

a child dying brings me to my knees.
its never supposed to happen.
but it does.
my partner had to face a child dying as well.
there is no easy way to work this loss through.
I am so sorry this little person didn't make it.
she was important to you.
you will probably think about her all your life.
I hope you are getting enough hugs, caring love and energy.
after child birth hormones but when a child dies you have to face the hormones going crazy as well as the loss...
what are you going to do?
do you have support?
I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Ganesha

[wisewoman]

Kathie, she was your child for 21 weeks and now you need to grieve and do what you need to take care of yourself. She turned and wiggeled and responded to your voice. She grew inside of you. The way to grieve a lost child is to speak of her and make the loss matter. I am so very sorry. I am glad you got to hold her.

[LostandLonleySoul]

Angie your words help some. I know that I should not blame God. I just don't know why I have to be the one to go though all this.

[LostandLonleySoul]

Thanx DE everyone has been real help with this.
(((((((((((((darkeyes))))))))))))))))))))

[LostandLonleySoul]

I just wanna say thank you to all of you that have put forth the effort to make me feel better. I really appreciate it. I think that with time that I will be able to heal and cope with everything that has happened. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[SweetSunshine]

((((((((Kathy)))))))) I am so sorry for your lose hon. I do understand . I had 6 miscarraiges. The longest I could carry was to 4 months or just a little beyond. Its never easy. The thing that has helped me the most is to talk about it. Dont keep your feelings in. Find a friend to talk to ,cry whatever it is you need to do. My therapist once told me to write a letter to them. Tell her how much you love her and miss her. Even the hopes you had for her . I told mine that I know they are in a better place.If they couldnt be with me and my husband. Who better for them to be with than God to hold her and protect her and love her? She's got everything she will ever need and want there hon. I imagine my babies up there playing with eachother, eating ice cream,giving eachother hugz and smiling too. It brings enough joy to my heart that it comforts me. God has His plan Hon, we just have to accept it and move on with our lives.After years of wondering I think I understand why I was not able to have kids. Gods plan for me was to take care of my Dad . There is no way I would be able to handle a family and this too. And the fact that I am dealing with my abuse history. It would be too much. But anyways. I hope this helped you somehow , some way to be able to do your grieving and to move on. And you know its ok to find yourself one day smiling when you think about her, in a memory of how you would think things would be now. Hold on to that Sweetie. It will be ok. Hang in there.

Hugz~
Beth

[LostandLonleySoul]

(((((Beth))))))))))
Thank you Beth for telling me that. This isn't the first. I had one miscarrage and one medical abortion. I know that there is this grand ol' plan that God has and I don't think that I would ever be able to figure out my part in it. I know that part of it is to take a job over at the shelter and let women know about the abuse and that they don't have to live with it or even to go back to the abuser. I just have to touch one persons life and that would be satifactory enough for me. Just one person who I could touch and help that is all.

[Parker10]

I think you have gotten some great responses ! I had 3 miscarriages, one at 6 months (on Father's Day). Even tho the last one was 29 years ago, I still think about my son I never saw. I am so glad you got to hold your baby ! Back in the days when I went thru it, they did not consider the Mother's need to do that.

Saying "time heals all wounds" sounds meaningless at this time for you I am sure, however, with time, we do heal. Grieve , in whatever way you need too. Expect the ups and downs of hormones as well as emotions , accept them for what they are. Try not to let them overwhelm you.

Your work at the shelter sounds like it could be very rewarding !!! Helping women understand they do not have to put up with being abused ! I am sure that you will touch more than one person there, and perhaps that is part of the plan God has for you.

I am sorry for your loss !

[LostandLonleySoul]

Thank you for replying to me. It is very grateful. I feel as though it is part of me to do this.

Kathie... I'm offering the biggest safest hugs you could imagine. I have nothing else to offer. I'd give anything to be able to ease your pain... if only slightly. I'm here if you need me. I'm open to PM's if you need a friend. Much love in this time of grieving.

Ry

[January]

Oh Kathie,

I didn't know. Here we've been in chat and I didn't know to hug you extra hard... I am so sorry for your loss of your wonderful daughter.

I don't have the right words and I don't know how to help you, but you are in my prayers and I am here for you. Please accept many, many hugs.

Jan

[LostandLonleySoul]

It really is ok jan. I needed the laughter even more. I think that was better. Thank you for the kindness. You don't even know how to tell you how much the chat has ment to me.

[misty]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Kathie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) So sorry for your loss!!!!!! I personally do not know how to deal with it but know it has been done.
Lrks

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I am so sorry sweetie, i'm here for you if you need anything...

[(JD)]

In the Constitution of the Five Nations (native american) it says:
<font color="blue"> When an infant dies before it's fourth day of life, mourning shall continue only five days.
Then shall you gather the little boys and girls at the house of mourning, and at the funeral feast, a speaker shall address the children, and bid them be happy once more, even though by a death, gloom has been cast over them.

Then shall the black clouds roll away and the sky shall show blue once more. Then shall the children be again in sunshine.</font>

My heart grieves with you. Such sadness only the Great Spirit can mend. (((love)))

[eskielover]

Kathie,

I am sorry that you have lost your child. I am sorry I can't offer any words of wisdom like you have received from others, but you are in my thoughts &amp; prayers for you to find some sense of peace knowing that you created a wonderful innocent life you had a short time to be with. There is a reason for everything happening which might not be known at this time.

My mother died just 4 months ago, &amp; understand the grieving feeling however I have heard that losing a parent is nothing like losing a child.

My heart goes out to you,
Debbie

[bebop]

Kathie hon my heart is with you. On how to deal with it? No one can tell another how to grieve. Somehow we just make it thru. I know you only had her for a very short time but she felt your love. Know that she is in God's bouquet because He needed a tiny rosebud in it. Please feel free to pm me or whatever. I am here for you. Also one thing that helped my daughter and I with the death of her daughter was making a virtual memorial for her. I can give you the addy to do that if you want it. I am here for you hon. Much love to you.

[pooh_ac]

Honey
Coming here helps me the most. Talk to us. We care and some of use even understand, having been where you are now.
LOVE and GENTLE HUGS
pooh

[FreeSpirit6]

Hi Kathie,

I lost my little son, he died in my arms, so I know the pain you are going through. All I can say is you will never get over losing your precious child, BUT.... in time, you will find it easier to cope with. In the beginning, I used to cry so hard and scream my frustration out, I thought I would never deal with it, but please believe me, in time, you will find it gets a little easier to cope with. One thing I used to do is write in a diary dedicated to my son, in this diary write how you feel, write a letter or poem to your little daughter, anything you feel write in this diary, it is a good way to help you release anger and heal slowly.