[Lexicon78]

I remember when I first found out about my mom's death. I was at partial and my t told me my sis was in the lobby. When I went out she started to cry. All I could say was "no, no, no". I knew when I saw her that mom had passed away. That was the beginning of this whole nightmare.

When I saw mom she looked so peaceful...I have never seen her look so content and at peace. At that moment I thought my whole world had ended. I died that day.

Mom found out she had terminal cancer too late...she lived 2 months after she found out. It went into her bloodstream and then into her brain...at the end she didn't know what was going on. I hated to see her like that. I hated everything at that moment...I hated everyone that had a mother. I still do I guess since I can't write this without crying so much that I can't see.

I pray each day the the Goddess will take care of her and make sure she's happy where she is. I just pray that I will have the same regard when I go. Ok, I'm gonna end this post now...I need to go for now.

[BlueFaith]

((((Lexicon))))) All I know to do is give you a hug! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry, Lexie. It's hard to lose a parent..xoxo pat

[Lexicon78]

All I can think about is my mom laying in that hospital bed, just laying there...why doesn't the peaceful look of her face as she lay there dead bring me peace? She was free of pain and it hurts like hell no matter how at peace she was.

There is no way that my heart is relieved, not even a little bit. People tell me at least she's in a better place, but I don't feel better about it! I hurt! I'm screaming inside to be given my mother back! I don't want to wait until the next life to meet her again.

[Hope4me2]

Man Lexicon.... I am so sorry you had to go through that.... I have a mom but she left me when I was 2 and never wanted anymore to do with me....throwed away like trash....you can cherish the thought that your mom was there for you and you were close and you knew she loved you....take comfort in that..... I would have much rather had what you had and lost it then to have never had it period....
again I am so so sorry about your mom....It has to hurt so bad losing her... your in my heart and prayers....and I wish I could reach through this screen and hug you personally.....take care

[Lexicon78]

thanks to the few that replied...I'm just a little edgy today...not getting enough feedback I think...don't know what I need at this point because it is merely pointless to grasp for the love and understanding of my loss...

[bebop]

I am so sorry lexi...I lost my mom in 93...how long has it been for you?

[Lexicon78]

I lost my mom last August 11th. It's been really rough for everyone because she kept the family together.

[bebop]

you mean this year?

[eskielover]

Lexicon,

I read your post & tried hard to reply.....only it brought out too many issues of my own & didn't feel that I could provide you the support you deserve. My Mother died of cancer this last January 8. Unfortunately the feelings I have are nothing but anger towards her. I guess I have a hard time when people have such wonderful feelings about their Mothers & I was left with the horrible memories of the trauma she caused with the choices she made.

I do hope you will be able to put your feelings into perspective & realize how lucky you are to feel the way you do about your Mother.

I am sorry you are going through a difficult time....I think the first year is supposed to be the hardest given the fact that we can think back at the times just a year before when we had them with us.

Be kind to yourself,
Debbie

[darkeyes]

(((((((((((((( Lexicon78 )))))))))))))))))
It is difficult, I know, the day my dad passed on, a portion of me did too
Grieving comes in several stages, and not all in the same order, nor does everyone experience them all. You feeling anger or hatred, is normal, perhaps talking to someone, even a counselar, can help you work through this stage? I don't know, but maybe it can help. It hurts, whatever, and like someone here told me back then when I was in need of support and in question of my feelings, etc., "you really do not get over it" but sort of accept it and live with it". This was an excellent reply to me, and till this day I appreciate that reply. Thank you, whoever it was here awhile back.
It is important for your own well being, not to bottle or hold back your feelings, if you feel tears rolling down your face, let them flow. If you feel a need to yell, that's fine too. Now, it's going on 3yrs since dad left this earth, I still have days that I feel real sad, lost and alone with this grieving stuff, it passes as I laugh and cry thinking of dad's sayings and sharing them with my son. Up until now, I think mom was in the denial stage, cause it is just recent she talks a lot about dad, even said she misses him despite their "not so great marriage".
I let her talk about her feelings or memories. Sadly, though, 2 weeks after I lost my dad, she said to me, "you have to get over this", I was so hurt and angry that my mom could say something like that, after it being only 2 weeks and he was in my life for 46yrs at that time.
Many of us will travel through this inner journey, the grieving stages, and life, in itself. We shall go many different places, experience different but yet very similar things. The most beautiful thing we can all do for one another is, support, listen to someone grieving, let them cry if they wish, and/or even take their hand,an arm around them, maybe even a hug (if the person knows you, and doesn't feel odd about that, a stranger on the other hand may feel uncomfortable with this) sharing memories too can offer some comfort.
I guess what I am saying, is that it is or would be nice if we take time to be there for one another. If anyone wishes you can also PM me if you'd like to chat about this.
I hope this reply has some value to it, I apologize if it got kind of lengthy.

Sincerely,
DE

DE

[Lexicon78]

My mom died August 11, 2004...it feels like yesterday.

[bebop]

that is understandable. may I ask how old you are? you seem very young to me.

[Lexicon78]

I am 27 years old. Young, yes, but not that young...

[bebop]

yeah older than I had thought. not a problem hon

[misty]

So srry to hear about your mom!!!!! (((((((((((Lexi)))))))))))))
It hurts to loose family!!!!
I lost my dad to cancer when I was 14. It took me till age of 27 to actually start to morn or grieve his death. (I stayed in lala land til then). I knew he was in a better place but it still did not take away the loss. I was even very angry at him and it still did not take away the grieving for the loss. He was my father just the same.
Grieving is a normal process and from what I've learned necessary. It doesn't feel good but when we allow our selves to grieve it does get better. Hang in there and be good to you.
skylarks