[Lexicon78]

Yes, it's me again. I just need my mom at this point. She was there for me as much as she could be. I need her to be here and support me. Just seeing her made everything all better. Knowing she was there was support enough. The only woman that I can relate to is my mom...I need her badly.

[Lexicon78]

Just thinking about the way she'd sit on the couch smoking and drinking her coffee makes me cry. Here comes the Niagara! I miss her so much! I just don't know how to move on because I want her back so much.

I'm sorry you miss your Mom so much, Lex. I'm sorry she was taken away from you and you're feeling so bad.
In a way, reading your post, helps me not to take my Mom for granted.
Your Mom IS with you though. Everyday she's watching over you and keeping you safe. She's still there on the couch smoking and drinking coffee. You know what she'd say to you and you know how much she loves you and she knows how much you love her.
It's going to be okay,Lex.

[Lexicon78]

I'm glad that by me posting you can gain something from it. Thank you so much for the post. Now I don't feel so alone.

((((((Lex)))))))

[dottie]

Hi...my Mother died aboard a jetliner headed sounth to visit her favorite child...my youngest brother..who later took his own life. Both of them were cruel to me thoughout my life. I wonder if she had had
the chance ..would she take it..and say she was truly sorry. I might never know. When I start thinking about it..I just remember..that I know who I am and that I had the golden opportunity to really LOVE MY 4 kids. Always & forever.

~Dottie

[Lexicon78]

dottie, I'm sorry your mom was so terrible to you. At least you had the courage and conviction to break the cycle of abuse.

[Lexicon78]

I had a really rough night last night. I cried myself to sleep again...listened to a song that reminded me of my mom which was probably a mistake.

I kept having images flashing inside my head...seeing my mom on the couch smoking and drinking her coffee, her sitting on the porch watching the cars go by, seeing her in her coffin, seeing her laying in that bed just a shell of her once strong self...oh, I see it all. I can almost hear her voice, feel her essence...

Sometimes I can't stand all of this. I feel so alone in my grieving. My bf doesn't know how bad of a night I had. He was sleeping and is impossible to wake up!

I know you guys don't know how to help me anymore, but I just need someone to listen and to relate to me. Hugs are great, too! Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know what my needs are.

Thanks for listening.

[darkeyes]

(((((((((((( Lex )))))))))))
I still have many nights that this happens to me, then I am a zombie the next day. Very similar things occur, visions of my dad dieing in the hospital, all tubes and all, and then the funeral home/coffin vision. I do believe this is all universal, we are human, our mind like a photo album, makes and holds these "snapshots", so many wonderful ones but the ones that didn't come out good, seem to get more attention sometimes. I wish I had something to offer you, but we all go through some sort of grieiving in our lives, losing a loved one is never easy, it hurts.
Please know there are people here that feel for you.
Sometimes, sharing our pain, we share unexplained comfort,
those that have been through loss, or going through loss, have a more vivid feeling of this than those who haven't.
I hope this will help a teeny sliver:

(((((((((((((( Lexicon )))))))))))))


Sincerely,
DE

[weather]

Darkeyes said it very well. It does get easier in time. Life will go on, though it will never be the same. Your parents and their parents went through the same things.
We used to treat each other to restaurent meals on our birthdays. Sometimes, I still eat out in honor of my parents' birthdays. Loss is a universal condition. We can't do anything to make it better, but I hope you feel a little less sad knowing we are trying to help.

[Lexicon78]

I don't want to grieve anymore...I can't stand all this pain! I want it to end so I can move on with my life. But the pain...it is so unbearable.

Lex, I'm really sorry you're in sooooooooo much pain. I can't even begin to imagine. My thoughts are with you.
((((((((((Lexicon)))))))))))))))