[holandesa]

Sorry to just walk in here...but i'm completely and totally lost at the moment.... How can you suddenly miss somebody/something/people this much? There's no good or rational reason for me feeling like this right now...but i just can't seem to stop crying or find anything to feel better..... verdomme!!!! (to not offend anybody here )

[Hopefull]

It comes on at weird times. Feel free to post further if you like.

[holandesa]

anyway...thanks for your answer...it's now 4 at night...and still... It's just scary to find that i can feel this down without knowing what to do to change it. It seems every week it just becomes harder to get up and stop thinking...And (prob. sounds very stupid) i'm afraid browsing this site & forum is doing the opposite of getting me to 'get over it and on with it'...

[Hopefull]

Maybe you have had enough for now. I find that I have to do my browsing of certain forumes in small amounts. That's okey, though.
Are you talking to someone about this? I find that a T can help you work through some this.
My grandma died which brought up a large ball of guilt to do with my great aunt's death. Talking to a T helped me to reduce the size of the guilt ball.
As for getting on with it, we all greive at our own pace. Well, I better go because I think I am getting ready my daily cry.
I hope you feel better soon.

[EJ711]

Hollandsea -

If you haven't processed your loss yet, you can't just move on. You can delay dealing with your loss. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost right now.

Your post just made me realize that at some level I feel lost without any of my nuclear family being in this world anymore. I thank God, I still have my husband.

Welcome to PC.

EJ

[holandesa]

Thanks both of you.... another day and a bit more perspective But the feeling is basically the same i'm afraid. The stupid thing is that i thought i was done with the whole 'loss and grieve-thing' and whatever problems i dealt with in the past. And i was actually pretty proud of myself And then here i am... not so well and definitely not as proud anymore. And this time i have no idea how to deal with it...
@Hopefull...(first of all: "getting ready for your daily cry? sorry, this made me laugh and cry at the same time...and feeling really good because i know i'm not alone...so know you're not either...)
About the talking to someone: i had one talk with a student counseler i think 4 yrs ago to get me back on track after my parents died... Please don't feel offended, but i'm afraid of going to a Therapist...I don't know if it's an english expression as well, but we call it 'navel staring'... focussing too much on myself and my issues... I really think i should focus on other things..it's just hard when you don't have the energy to start those things or you're just too tired or sad to do anything usefull/fun .... it's just hard

[EJ711]

Holland Sea -

I have always been frustrated by the re-emergence of grief. I am a fairly impatient person, and it just bugs me when I raises its ugly head either unanounced or uninvited. I get the same reaction you do. I thought I was through with this.

More later. Cinnamon buns are baked, and hubby is waiting.

DId your parents die at the same time?

Hugs,

EJ

[holandesa]

hhmmm cinnamon buns (you know UPC delivers in Holland, right? ) oh...and it's actually holandesa instead of hollandsea...
I'm happy for you that you do still have your husband! but can't imagine what it's like without any family...i really wouldn't know what to do without my sis...

They didn't die at the same time by the way (thank god...i was in the lucky position with 4 parents...that would have been a lot of dying at once i'm afraid...). There were 4 yrs and then 3 months in between. Also my stepmom is not dead, she's just not in my live anymore, so i guess i'm not really counting her as a mom). But this was some yrs ago...so why i'm suddenly sad and frightened and just ...well...lost now? very 'unanounced or uninvited' indeed

[EJ711]

Holandesa -

Thank you for pointing out the correct spellling of your name. I've been studying online, and I think my eyeballs are a bit tired by now.

It sounds like the fact you have four parents has added a level of complication to your grief.

I'm so glad you have a sister. I lost my only sibling 32 years ago, and still miss him.

EJ

[holandesa]

No worries... i wish i was near the sea even thinking about losing my sister too would freak me out, so i'm afraid i just can't imagine...
Actually i think the fact that my parents were divorced is in itself not complicating things... i was very much ok with the divorce and loved my stepdad a lot, so i can just feel lucky they were all in my live once. There are other things complicating matters, but I don't think this is. And actually i'm done thinking about the reasons here...i just want to get out of this mess.

Also: i would REALLY like to thank you for 'listening'/giving me the feeling somebody is reading this... ok, it sounds very overdramatic, but that feeling does mean a lot and i just guess i missed that. (starting this year i moved to a new city/uni/job and really decided i didn't want ppl to know any 'history' of mine... just because i was sick of 'those looks' ...so i'm now thinking maybe i should change that attitude a bit. ) anyways: thanks!

[EJ711]

Holandesa -

Happy to be there for you!!!

Grief and loss is so much more bearable when you can talk to someone else, who understands the journey through grief.

I'm glad you felt enrichened by your "extra set" of parents.

I find PC very beneficial b/c I live in a small town that I find very gossipy, and for the most part don't know how to relate to gossipy people. Actually, I just want to stay away from them--so this group helps a lot.

Please PM me anytime.

Hugs,

EJ

[holandesa]

Hi...
true... it's partly my own fault i guess...and partly just because my friends are all around my age...No matter how hard they try, they just can't seem to get what going through these things means to me..and that's talking about the people who actually know. People around me now probably just think i go 'home' every now and then to my mom and dad, waiting with tea and cookies But ok, i allready decided it is a good idea to become a bit more honest about that and actually set them straight if they're talking about 'your parents...'.
But i just can't stop wondering about older (older being over 25 here)people: how do they just keep going? I mean, if i am allready completely overwhelmed at this age, what will it be like 10 years (and more shocking things) from now? I'm not so sure anymore that i can just keep bouncing back everytime.

"Don't know how to relate to gossipy people" fight gossip with more gossip maybe? No, i can't either (hey, i even ended up on a US forum :P) But i'm glad you found a less gossipy community here!