[dexter]

Oh we have a new board and it's empty and I'm running around by myself for a short time!

Gonna start things off with a link to the five stages of grief:
-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[darkeyes]

I didn't read your post completely, but I want to express, I am grieving the loss of my dad, as many here well know, some days are okay and then they get really sad and I get feeling empty. . . alone Nov.26 will be 2 years that he left me behind, wish I could of gone along with him, to see if there really is an after life, maybe I will meet him when I die.
Don't get the wrong idea, I didn't mean the "S" word.
I am glad this forum has been born, I am sure it will help comfort many.
I am gratefull to all of you have been here for me during my rough times, and also for the fun times.

Love y'all
DE

BTW Oh my, dexter how can I forget this?
WELCOME ABOARD, congrats !!!!!!!!!!! {smile}

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[somebody]

Is there ever and end to greif? I have been greiving for my husband since Jan 13th 97 and I still don't see much change in my feelings and love and the amount that I miss him on a daily basis.

It's so lonely too...

It's like half of me is gone... I did ask him if I could go with him...he told me no... but maybe one day I will be strong enough to make the journey on my own at my own hand... hopefully sooner then later though.

[darkeyes]

Wanted to add to, and it has been said here already, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
My oldest brother made a remark, I knew daddy longer, I worked with him for years, so I miss him more than you and my other brother, I told him everyone has a different and very own relationship with their parents, friends, relatives, etc.
It doesn't matter how long or little he was with dad, I loved him too as he loved the 3 of us, mine is diffrent and so are many others, but I still love and miss him.
Just thought I'd add that, and do not let anyone say "your loved one has been dead so long now", get yourself together and move on, there is no time limit when to accept and move on, it is an indvidual thing.
Bless you all, and come here anytime.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

I think that when people expect grief to end at some point, and it doesn't they think they have done something wrong, or they are nuts, etc. In my opinion, what happens is that when someone very close to you dies, you are changed forever. Forever you are different in some way.

Over time you'll see those differences - the changes may be subtle or dramatic. At first the differences may all seem like negative ones, tho over time you may see differences which actually can be counted as positives. For instance, after a tremendous loss, people may find themselves more sensitive to other peoples pain, and more able to help others in their times of need. That's certainly a positive.

I hope this makes sense. This has been my experience anyhow - that it's not really grief that lasts forever, it's the changes in us. Yes, after my mom died, I surely was in emotional agony for a long time.

But, once I realized that I changed forever, that helped me to distinguish the pain of that loss, from the alterations in Emmy. I could not go back to the old me. I missed the Emmy who had a mom. I grieved that loss too.

So, I've rambled again. My mom died 3 decades ago so I have had a lot of time to ponder this. For new grievers, just try to hang onto the idea that the pain will come in waves, but the tide gets lower. The sadness is a reflection of the love but when the pain dissipates, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving that person. To me, it just means your relationship with them has changed to a deeper, more spiritual level.

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

[SeptemberMorn]

Hun, don't you have a son? Do you think it would be wise to "make the journey by your own hand"?? Talk about the grieving process! His would certainly be a whole lot rougher due to the guilt and anger he would suffer from. Not only that, but he would be more prone to suicide himself. I don't think you want that for him, do you?





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[givjule]

It is interesting that the stages of grief is relied upon so much. After suffering the loss of my children I find it difficult to relate to the stages of grief. I find that they may hit on some very good focal points, but I believe that new theories are needed to truely target the grieving process. I think Freud said it best when he restated his own theory after grieving himself. Ross also recanted and claim that there was more to it and not easy to describe. People do respond differently and for different reasons. As with the death of children I find that people face complete identity change in order to go on and not get stuck. Each and every child is different and interaction of self with each is different. I found myself searching for meaning of life, material things, sucess, etc meant much less. A major problem I had was the physical symptoms caused by stress. It is easy to say eclectic, but truely when grieving the whole mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual must be included. Postmoderism surely will include thoughts for grieving processes.