This is about grief, so far... my dad :(

I just found out that my dad had a CAT scan a few weeks ago, and they found 3 tumors in his brain. I'm not surprised - he's been acting erratic over the past year, and he's 84 years old. But I'm sure he's scared and my younger brother is a devastated wreck.

I've never really had a good relationship with my dad, but I'm very sad for this to happen to him. He worked really hard at taking care of himself, but there are only so many things that one can control about one's health.

He's getting one of the tumors removed and biopsied next week, but the other two are buried deep in his brain. Depending upon the biopsy results and treatment options, I guess he'll have to make some decisions. I'm flying back home next weekend. This is going to be hard; especially trying to comfort my brother

((((((((LMo))))))))) I'm sorry. No matter your relationship with your parents, they're still your parents and it's hard when they're aging and deteriorating.

I wish peace for both you and your dad.

Thanks Candy... my brother and I lost our mom to cancer when we were young, so losing your remaining parent has got to be devastating to my brother. He's not the therapy type - I'm sure this going to be very painful for me as well, but he doesn't make use of resources so it will be harder for him.

Thanks for your support

I'm sorry hon, that's really sad and scary whatever your relationship with your dad

(((((((((((((((( LMo )))))))))))))))

Thanks Fuzz

They were planning to move to my city, and have had their house for sale since May. I wasn't looking forward to it (because my dad and I don't get along all that well) but I was hoping that it would be an opportunity to find common ground and have some peace in his later years. I think all of that is on hold now...

I guess my grief is not so much about whether he dies, but for the relationship that may never be good. I've tried really hard with him, but we have dramatically different value systems and he isn't willing to budge much.

Anyway, thanks again

Ah, but you do have time now. The past is the past. Just go forward with the present, and I really hope things get better.

thanks Clyde

hon I lost my mom 14 yrs ago and it was a terrible relationship. there were so many emotions that went thru me the minute she died that I didn't know how to act. take whatever time you have with your dad and forget about your differences. after all he is now 84. you don't have to agree with him on things but you don't have to verbalize it. just agree to his face and do whatever you choose. I think you would feel better after he is gone as well. I hope everything goes well with his biopsies.

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Clyde said:


Ah, but you do have time now. The past is the past. Just go forward with the present, and I really hope things get better.



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Excellent advice! Please take care of yourself too.

I guess my grief is not so much about whether he dies, but for the relationship that may never be good.

Yes, I agree. I am in a similar place. My dad died when I was 10 and my mother's health is rocky, as our relationship has been all these years.

It's hard, LMo. I understand.

Thanks bebop, Daniella, Petunia - I appreciate your support and I have no doubt that you understand.

I talked to my stepmom today. She said my dad was out mowing the lawn and was having a good time. She asked me if I thought it was worth putting him through treatment when in fact he feels fine - if we hadn't noticed it, he wouldn't have known anything was wrong with him. I don't know enough about it to say. He's going for a 2nd opinion on Monday, and I'd like him to at least go through that. Apparently my dad doesn't have an opinion about whether he should get treatment or not - he wants us to make a decision for him (which is odd in itself - he's always been a control guy).

I'm just glad that he's not in pain or seemingly very scared.

Thanks again all

and prayers...

biopsy done -- it's cancer

((((((((((LMo))))))))) I'm sorry. Let me know if you need to talk -- I have some experience with this, unfortunately.

Thanks Candy... I appreciate that. I'd love some coaching, if you feel like it... My mom had lung cancer but brain tumors are a whole new animal to me

LMo, the same here with me. Sorry to hear and if you need help, I am here too.

Hell, if you need a hug, I am here

((( LMo )))

I don't think I have any words that could comfort you but I wanted you to know I care deeply.

I was ten when my dad died from cancer of the spine that traveled to the brain.

I thought this site might help. It's pretty informative and easier to comprehend than a medical book.

It's all I have to give right now. That and a big hug.

http://neurosurgery.mgh.harvard.edu/ABTA/mets.htm

(((((((((((((((( LMo )))))))))))))))


Love,
Fuzzy

thank you friends

I'm flying back to Philly tonight. Apparently he is recovering well from the biopsy/tumor removal (there are still two more). He is sitting in a chair, eating, and talking. Not bad for 84.

I had my 12-week ultrasound on Wednesday and I was so excited to tell him about his grandchild - it was amazing watching the baby moving around - could see all of his/her fingers, toes, and even the nose! But he was falling asleep on the phone and he didn't seem to comprehend what I was saying, which gave me weird flashbacks to when my mom was dying (I was 14) and it made me really sad.

Its sad about how many people in your family that you won't make amends to. Yet, I say this as I am waiting for my EX-uncle to just go!! My dad would of killed him anyway on what he has done to his kids and tried on my mom.

But - for you that know someone is dying - make amends - some of them die too young and you regret for the rest of your life, and feel guilty that you never mentioned those 3 words that are so important.

It makes you wonder and you won't ever know until they meet you above. Its not worth ignoring because of some dis-agreement. But - it all depends on what they did to you. Unspeakable things like you were abused - hey - I don't go for that! No matter what anybody says - NOONE should have to take that crap....dee

I'm sorry to hear about all this.
I wish I had some words that would be bring you comfort, but I don't know what to say, except I want you to know, I send you good thoughts for strength,healing and peace within.

PS
I'm happy to hear that you got a peek at the baby, it's an exciting time, if possible, allow yourself to focus on that little babe. You need to realize you and that little baby are most important, and will need to be the only priority, even though others in your world may be in need.
Take care now,
Roe

hon I think it depends on what the dr says. have you talked to the dr? are you going with him to the second opinion? sometimes these are very treatable but you do have to think about the quality of life at this age. not sure what I would do. if you give me the name of the kind of tumor I can help do some research for you if you would like.