Grieving the ending of a friendship...

I am mourning the end of a friendship, a loss in my life. I ended the friendship.. I have the guilt of removing myself from this person's life too. 28 years of giving and sharing.

I just am at such a loss of words to express my grief.

I am sorry for the decision to let go of your 28 yr. friendship. You didn't mention if it was a girl or boy? I have been through this myself. It wasn't as long as yours, but just as devastating. Before I was diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 disorder, I was very flighty, immature, childish, and did things I wouldn't ordinarily do. I met this lady where I bowled and we became fast friends. I just fell head over heels for her. I couldn't understand why? I had these romantic feelings for her that I never thought existed before now. I persued her something awful...I couldn't get enough of her love. I must have drove her crazy!!! to say the least. Well after a few months and the death of my father and having to deal with her being a home body and not wanting to come out with me shopping etc. we had words. I called her a hypacrite and told her she treated me like some sort of weirdo. I didn't mean to come off like that, but I guess in reality, I now understand why she backed off. We called it off and she told me she was giving up the friendship. I cried for days and everytime I saw her at the bowling center,
my heart just broke all over again. I wanted her back and I was willing to take the blame for everything!! Alas, she did not respond. I thought I'd done just about everything to prove that I was sorry for doing the things I did. She didn't want any part of me any longer. It seemed like an eternity to me. Anyway, some time went by about six months or so, and I had a ruptured hernia and had to be rushed to surgery. Before I went in I wanted to tell her that I loved her and couldn't let it end this way just in case I didn't make it. No one would call her for me as they were mad at her for treating me so unfairly. I use to think how would she know that I ever wanted to say things to her??? As truth would have it, when I recovered enough and went by the alley to see her, she said she was thinking of me all week long. She had the feeling something wasn't right. I told her. She came up and hugged me and said "everythings" going to be alright. I'm not going anywhere. I love you!!!! We mended our fences and that's the way it's been since then.
The moral of my story is give it some time. If it's meant to be, God finds a way for you to get back together. He did for me. He just used me as the messenger, so to speak.
Nothing ever hurt so bad as when we weren't speaking any longer. I don't think I've cried so many tears over a boy, even. Broken hearts do mend.

Thank you for your response... my friendship is with a woman, just best friends type.. she has a hubby...

I often question, which of us has the "mental illness"...

I think that she would have to change a great deal before I would allow the friendship again.. but mircles do happen..

It losing a part of my family.... it is for me exactly like "death" of a loved one..

I know that others do not understand how I could be that "dramatic". however the person we think that we love,,, sometimes is only a part of an illusion.. and facing that is as shocking as the loss of the friendship.

Hello freewill:
I know you probably feel like you've been "run" over. That's how I felt too. I should mention, the girlfriend I have is MARRIED too. So am I!! She's younger than me, but I do not care. There was just something about her that I wanted
for myself. Her love!! to tell you the truth. I can't explain it any better than that. Like I said, I didn't understand the feelings I was having for her. I had a "gay" female friend at the bar I played at one time ask me the same thing...." do you have feelings for her you DON'T understand"? I lied as I didn't want her to think I'm in the closet. I'm NOT gay. Never have been. Never wanted to be. I just like women more than men at times. It sounds dirty now when I think about it. I have to get over that. I'm not that way. Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself. Doesn't it?
Well, that's what I meant to say last night. Now we have a good understanding of each other. However: there is a part of me that seems always on the side of caution to take it easy so this doesn't get out of hand again. I'm always afraid she's going to leave me. Maybe it's just me, though?

(((((((((huggs))))))))))

For me I'm not gay.. or have those types of feelings.. just not me is all..

But, I have always been there for her.. for her recent 2 surgeries ... she has had a blessed life - no real hardships.. and plenty of money.
I am the type of friend that would give up a kidney or 1/2 a liver in a heartbeat if it would help.

I have always excused her selfeousness.. we all have our character flaws..
But when she recently attacked me,,, made me feel so inadquate so that she could feel good about herself - something "snapped" in me and I asked myself and what am I really doing here.. caring more for a person that is doing this to me.

She did e-mail me, apologized.. but she was sorry for "upsetting me" , not about the terrible things she said.
It was like I was an "object" to her,,, not a person...
She then said, that she "only" has time for me when she is "tired" ie resting.. and that is when she is upsetting me.. so she is "afraid" to call me.. case I "take" something the wrong way..

Well as I say "hells bells"... I'm not fragile.. and hey.. don't bother.. either take the time to put me in your life or don't..if I'm important to you.. you don't work.. you are retired.. And you can't find a 1/2 hour in a week to call your best friend when you are not tired. Hmmmm..

my rant is now done.. thanks for listening..

my sadness continues.

I'm sorry. It will get better in time. Give yourself some time to think about the relationship in general. Ask yourself if this is the right one for you. It sounds like some of my own friends to me. I've heard them remark "del, call me when you're happy". I'm always here for you. You know that.
Then why tell me not to call until I'm happy? I always got so confused by that remark. I never called them again. I wrote it off to a bad loss. When someone can only love and appreciate you when things are going good, that's not real.
No one's life is perfect. I don't care how much money or success you have. No one is perfect!!!
Fair weather friends will never be there for the long haul. They can't function in that kind of light. They only know the positive aspects, and they can't deal in reality. Maybe she is one of them?
Take care of you right now. That's what's important. Who knows? after a while she may come back? If she realizes how wrong she was, she may be too embarrassed.
Good luck.

i had to give up a friend of 30 years due her refusing to take her meds. i couldnt' take the abuse anymore. i was there for her whenever she needed me....i was there for the good times. we had such a great life together and then i had to just say that i had to detach and walk away from her.

we went through our divorces together, children smoking pot, etc. etc. etc......i miss her but i sure don't miss the abuse. i really grieved when i said goodbye......xoxoxo pat