cancer and family history

((((I WMD)))))

wmd, i came across this thread the other day, actually i felt led to read it. i haven't read it all yet but skipped around. i am so very sorry for your loss. your love for your wife (i believe in the true sense she was indeed your wife) is so apparent. you took beautiful care of her. i'm sure she couldn't have asked for anything more. i pray God will bring you much comfort during this difficult time.

p.s. i'm glad you couldn't go thru with the pillow thing.

Finding ways to help her take in liquids,,,,

that seemed to take extra effort and care .
One time while holding a glass of water to Donnas' lips , I began to slowly pour , but she had bit of trouble , went the wrong way , and she choked a bit .
OK , trying to use a straw to pipet a little at a time , this worked well , except [ I 'spose ] , it was taking alot of concentration and effort on her part to gently suck the water from the straw ,, plus I thought flavor would help .

So having some popsicles in those tube thingys made of plastic , it would be easier ,,,, Grape flavor ,
She took to it as if a baby nursing from a bottle .
Donna just stared into my eyes as if she hadn't had a drop of water for days ,, and this was what she wanted.

I said to her , " I am so sorry , I thought I was getting enough moisture in you " .
I began to cry , and apologized , for I thought I had been depriving her .
( or was this just the survival part of the mind and body , kicking in ? )

I called Rodney during this period .
When he lived next door , she and him had been after 2nd shift , have a couple of beers buds ,

One of our cats would join them , and hang out with these two .

[ Interject here with an awwwww story ]

Donna and I prior to her Dx. , managed to sit on the porch and have this crooked tailfeather sparrow hang with us , around our feet or shoes . It would sometimes flly in from nowhere and ' BUZZ " our heads ,, as if to say " gotcha " !
It was cool .
One day Rodney was there and this sparrow hopped up on his shoe too
Rodney is a mellow , kind spirit of a man .....[ IMO ]

We now Resume ;
,,,,,,one of our cats would hang out with these two .
Rodney came over later that day after I phoned him .
I went to the porch , and sat ,, when I came back in , he had her sitting upright , supported by pillows , and she was lighting her own cig . I asked Rodney what he had done ?
His response was " I just kept asking what she wanted or needed ?"
[ Later Rodney would be with me , and I said , " Her eyes follow something on the cielings and walls ."
He told me she was doing that same thing when he was there that day he had her sitting up .

I hugged Rodney and took in the picture of these two chillin' out , and showing the Love and admiration and concern ,, for this would be their last visit .

[ Later I asked Rodney , what he thought she was following with hwer eyes on the walls and cieling ,,,? ,,, he simply said , " Angels ". ]

I still have to reinterate at this time , it all blends together ,.
I had very little sleep , and was trying to co-ordinate , pain meds , her sleep time , and her relatives last visits .

watching angels - how beautiful

Hi WMD. Just catching up here on this thread, and wanted to say hi and I'm thinking of you.

Love,
Rayna

I asked , " Is this what you want "?

very sorry to hear that you were feeling like this WMD.. hope you are feeling better now

wish i had some words of comfort or words of wisdom to take away all the pain..all i can tell you is it does get easier but never ever forget the special memories you had together

my mom died in a horrible car accident 8 days before my first birthday..im giving away my age now lol but that was 47 years ago..i, at the tender age of 1, dont recall much at all but i know i had to be in pain because there are still lots of tears all these years later..47 years later and it still hurts, however i go to the cemetery sometimes and just sit and talk to mom and tell her things that have happened in my life in so many years..all those years she missed..we missed..my point being, it really does get easier..hold on to the precious times and cherish each and every one of them

hurt ,

In what you say , yes , easier does happen ...... Just wish memories were alive .

Take Care hurt .

WMD.

So what would be My Beautiful Babys' last hours.

I had an oxygen machine brought in , and got a patch to place behind her ear , to help dry up the fluids that were building in her lungs.
I put the oxygen tubes in her nostrils , and increased the O2 a bit higher .

At one point a few hours before she passed , she opened her eyes , saw the tubes and glared at me just a little ,,,,
I told her " Not to keep you alive , Just to make it easier on you ."

[it is about to rain ,, and my laptop is allergic to water LOL . will finish this ASAP ]
WMD.

I am so glad that you were there to care of Donna and make her last days as comfortable and caring as possible - I am sure she was glad too - I'd like to give you a hug in person but this is all I can send you

couldnt find sparrows - but these are lovebirds and I think thats what you two were and always will be

A day and a half earlier ,, [ IDK ] , She was awake watching me .
I told her I would be back in a sec , " just walking to the corner store , I Love You ",,,,,.
And the last words she ever spoke were , " I Lub You ",,,, and she said them with all the strength she could mustard .

A couple coolio kids that would phone from time to time from New Jersey [ Donna called them " Your Kids " ] ,, .
Well , they sang to her a church camp song ,, Donna opened her eyes for a bit , closed them , and had a peaceful smile across her lips .

I then spoke to " My Kids " , and Thanked them .

Earlier that morning I had read Psalms 91 to her .
So around midnight February 5, 2009 , I put warm water in a hospital sponge bath unit , some scented soap , and got one of her wash clothes , and washed her face and head and neck and arms , drying them as I did each area .
I then told her , " You're Ready ".

I took the sponge bath basin into the bathroom , set it on the vanity , came back to her , and sat .
..................... to witness her comfortable departure .
And as the warmth of her physical Love left,,,,,So as did her caring for all ,,, Life End .

And in that time while waiting for Hospice nurse to arrive to pronounce time of death , and her father and a kind Reverend to sit re-assuredly ,,,
I slipped a favorite turquoise ring off her right index finger and onto my pinky finger , next to a ring I wear on my right ring finger , [ her aunt Reba had given it to Donna some years earlier for me , If Donna thought I would wear it ].

Now they sit next to each other on my right hand , together .

I Love You !

I Miss You .

Forever & Always ,,,,,,

Cork.

Corky,
Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear about Donna. She was such a good woman. I really liked her. I am so sad to hear about it. How are you doing? Are you okay? I couldnt get in my old name and I don't remember the pasword, email or anything. I dont even know if the old one is still active. I hope your doing okay. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Not sure but I felt like I had to the last few weeks and ain't been able to. Please let me know if you get this. I really hope you do.
An old friend,
Scooter

When the funeral people arrived , her father suggested to me that I may want to step into another room while they placed her on the gurney .
Instead I removed from behind her back and head , each of the pillows that had propped her up so many times , , one pillow at a time .
With the removal of each one , her body weight slowly straightened from the rigor that had set in .

After taking the pillow from between her knees , I slowly straightened her legs.
[ I noticed the younger funeral guy looking at me , he smiled as I met his eyes , I nodded and gave him all the smile at that moment I had ].

Once this was done , I closed the sheet she was laying on around her ,,, stroked her cheek , kissed her forehead , and kissed her lips ....... then as before, I used almost the same words and told the funeral guys , " Shes' ready now " .

I then took a beer , and went outside to tell her dogs " Mommas' gone ".

During that time while I wrapped her up , under my breath , I kept repeating , " Your an Angel Now , and I will need you more than ever .............. ".

I Was Her Love ,
and I had the Honor to be her Caregiver to the end .

T H E E N D .

And now wherever I am , I look over towards my right ,
and there she sits ,,,, doing another Labor of Love ,
crocheting an afghan .

I was Her rock .
But She was the foundation that held Me steady .

Hi, I just read your thread, and I'm very sorry. I live in an apt., and about a week in a half ago this lady I just became friends with,( that lives across the walkway from me.) her husband died from bone cancer. Every time I see her I see her pain, and I feel so bad for the both of you. She has no family with her, so I do the best I can do to help her because nobody should not be alone. I pray that you have family in your life for you. I would also like to tell you that I bought a book a couple of months back , and anyway it was called we "Do Not Die Alone". This is written by a grief psychologist who explains that everyone before their passing has some person in their life who comes to them to take them home. I read your post about Donna looking at the ceiling, this is because someone there was preparing for her to come home. This is what I believe. One more thing before I go, I think that you are a very strong person for what you have been threw. Take Care

Jerry ,, Thank You much .

I think it was her mom ....... For she would often say " I want my momma ".

WMD.

all of us could only be so lucky as to have someone like you beside us when our time comes....you rock bc...love you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 747 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Always Your BC .

WMD.xoxox.

I think of you often. I think of your pain, your grief, your loneliness but I also think of your gentleness, your kindness, your compassion.

You are so very important.

....... and even IRL , I sometimes run into peeps of same ilk.
T/Y
WMD.

Today would have been [ the day we picked kinda outta the air ] our 29th anniversary .

This tea totally SUX !!!!!!!!!!!
.......... and I am thinking about getting flippin' out drunk .

Damn ! I really HATE this .

WMD.

take care of you ok

I'm thinking of you during this trying time. Take it one step at a time my friend.