[bebop]

is posting coping skills dealing with grief. like an open ongoing thing. I really hope I can help any of you here. if you have any questions at all about things I post please feel free to ask or make comments. I feel this forum can be very healing for us all.

[DocClyde]

That's me Bee!!!!!!!!!!

[bebop]

what is you clyde?

[DocClyde]

If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that

[bebop]

when does it stop?
when do the pictures in your head leave?
and where do you put the grief?

[bebop]

I am not sure it completely stops but it does get easier and less in between. the sad times are less frequent but our loved ones will always be missed. will post more later

[ECHOES]

I recently had to deal with someone who never understood my relationship that ended and that I was grieving for.

I knew she didn't and that was ok.

But when I told her it had ended and I was grieving and in pain she told me to stop grieving; it wasn't a real relationship anyway. (it was online and the person was like a mother and therapist to me). She said the person wasn't real, was just words on a computer screen.

I was so offended after attempting to just tell her about my feelings, I just "hung up" (we were on IM). She emailed me with no understanding. I said that it didn't matter whether she understood the relationship; I didn't want to be judged and to be told when and how to grieve. That my telling her that I was in pain I thought would be enough for her to related, understand that part of it.

Still completely missing it, she's now offended because no one has ever called her judgemental in her life.

.. sigh...

[Maple]

I want to know how I can handle the lonliness and empty feelings
I have. My dear Husband passed 2 yrs. this coming April.

We were married 45 yrs. They say time heals. But I don't know
about that. Some days are good. But most of the times they are bad.

Chestnut

[bebop]

maple I will get some info for you and post it here. I am very sorry for your loss. I am sure losing a spouse after being together that long must be horrible.

Post deleted by DocJohn

[Maple]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
fayerody said:
Maple, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Grieving is different for each individual. When my parents died, it took a long time for me to quit thinking about them on a daily basis. (Thinking about them in a sad way)

I told myself one day that I needed to hold to the joyful things about Mom and Daddy and that helped me tremendously.

I know that you must have some very meaningful and special memories of your husband. Try to remember one or two things that you did together, once a day. Then add more memories to your list.

I hope I've helped you a little bit. I will keep you in my thoughts........xoxoxo pat

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank You for your thoughts. That's just it there are so many many good memories. The house was our house but now it is just
me. I have tried changing some things with the house. It did help to
a point. My son lives in another state far, thank God my daughter
only lives a short ways. But they are talking about moving to where
my son lives and that is getting me upset.

If they move they want me to follow. The thought of leaving my life
behind is getting to me also. I guess I just have to wait when the time comes that will be the decision maker, and because of my ill
health I do need my family by me.

Maple

Please don't project about the future, that will just cause you more stress.

Change is good. I was living with my mom when she died and I slowly made some changes and it helped my grieving. I kept out a lot of her favourite things and rearranged and lightened it up a bit.

What are your health problems? I'm sure you would not like leaving your house, but if you have to..you can make that decision when it actually comes to that......don't worry about that stuff now.

Can you exercise? Walking really does help with depression and feeling so sad.

xoxoxo pat

Maple, I found this link and after reading parts of it, I hope it will help you. And don't forget to come here to talk to me.

Pat

http://www.oprah.com/presents/2004/k...eath_101.jhtml

[Maple]

Thank You for this link. I read it and it sort of helped me look at
somethings different.

My health problems are few, heart, anixiety, arthritis, fibromyalgia,
the worse is the MS. But I shouldn't complain about the MS after
reading some of the posts from the MS Forum,I am lucky I still can
get around by myself.

Maple

I'm so glad that the link helped. I researched it for you and posted to make sure you did get some reading material to help you!!!

My niece has MS. I have arthritis and anxiety and a botched reconstruction surgery on one breast. Pain is my constant companion.
It gets old, doesn't it?

What do you do for the MS? I read about a new treatment recently on WebMD....I've been trying all sorts of things for the arthritis. Embarked upon an exercise regime recently. Seems to be strenghtening my leg muscles and helping my knees. I need to lose 10 lbs as that can make a huge difference on my joints.

I so hope that I can help you get through some of your grieving process. I still miss my parents terribly and want to talk to them almost daily. I know you probably experience that more than I.

xoxoxo pat

[bebop]

I am happy the link helped. I hope to find alot more stuff to help those suffering from grief. anything I can do to help please feel free to let me know.

[Maple]

I was what should I say officially dx in 1984. For about 12 yrs. I was
going to drs. after drs. with so many problems. Some by the time I
got to the drs. would disappear. Called me a Head Case gave anti-dep. pills.
In 1984 I was getting the headaches worse more pain. One morning I woke up could not walk without help, seeing triple not double vision, numbness throughou body and dizziness.

Went to hospital. Was admitted after a few days of tests that were
never performed on me , Cat Scan, spinal tap and loads of blood work. They said guess what all the problems you have been having
are being caused by MS.
Great what is MS---Well I did find out fast enough what it was by mine and family research. No computers then.
Went blind in right eye, but thank god it came back. Walking was bad, but came back where I do not now have to use any assistance.
My eye vision is still the worse problem of the MS. Have the usual
batch of problems,they come on strong and then after sometime ease off. I have refused to go on any MS meds.after reading the side
effects and no guarantee of a cure. I have one medicine that some
drs. believe and some don't
FAITH
My beliefs and prays have gotten me this far and I pray that it stays
that way. I had a lot of PT now I do my excercises at home when the
body can do them. I take anxiedty pills when needed. Also take something for the pain. What has me upset now is my memory is
really playing with me. I am scared more about that.
You probably are wondering if my faith has helped me so much with the ms why aren't I doing better with my grief. I can't answer
that one because I wonder WHY myself.

Thank You for your support and letting me vent out this way.

Maple

It is really hard to go so long without a DX. It is frustrating, painful and just out right maddening.

My niece is on some meds that help her alot. There are some new ones on the market. You may want to talk to your doctor about them. Maybe they don't have the side effects that some of the older ones do.

Whatever it takes to work through your grief is what you can use. I believe that grieving is pretty much a "gut" thing. You have to work through it in your heart, your soul and your head. Then there is the physical part where you no longer have your partner across the table from you, lying by you in the bed or driving with you somewhere.

It is very difficult for me to imagine my house without my parents still there. I haven't been back there in a long time, it just seems like it isn't home now.

I was browsing through and saw your post the other night and thought that I might be able to help you. You are more than welcome to vent to me all that you need. I'm here.

xoxox pat

[Maple]

Thanks for answering my post. It was kind of long. When I got
started with it I just kept on going.It does help to let out what is inside of you. When talking to someone that has never experienced
a loss so great they try, I know, to understand, but they really can't.

Today I am going out to lunch with a friend. Her husband passed
suddenly 6 months after mine did. They were close friends also. So
when we are able to get together we share an understanding of
feelings. But the only thing is she does not like to talk about what
happened we only have feelings of sadness between us. Like they
say everyone has their own way of grieving.

Maple

[bebop]

I think it is good to have someone to go out with like that. too bad she won't talk about the losses you both share. who better to talk to than someone that shares the experience.

there is a support group at alot of hospitals called compassionate friends that is good also.

[Maple]

I know of many grief support groups. I am really a shy person.

I can talk to people that I really know well. But when It comes to
talking to strangers I just back away. When I first found this thread
and the MS threads, for awhile I just read the posts not getting involved to much. When I started to post I realized they can't see me.
So that sort of helped. As time went on it got easier. I felt comfortable
and believed they were really interested in what I was saying. To talk
with people that share the same problems and life that you do is great. My worse life ordeal was the loss of my husband. He was sick
for 3 years. Had colon, prostrate, throat, esofogil cancer. The man
was amazing how he fought up to the last 3 weeks of his life.
I am happy that I have found this site. To be able to talk about my grief and talk about him.

Maple

[bebop]

the thing that really helped me when my granddaughter died was talking about her all I could. I know people got really sick of me talking so much but it did help. I lost a husband a few yrs ago too although we were seperated it still hurt and even now hurts. he was my best friend. I know where you are coming from hon. it stinks.((((hugs))))

(((bebop))))))

[Maple]

Losing a young child that is a hurt there are no words for.

I lost a baby at birth 38 yrs ago. Till this day it hurts deep inside.

I know what you mean about people sort of getting tired of you
talking about your lost one. I have been in that same situation a few
times when the subject is even changed. That is when it really hurts.
You don't wish this pain on anyone but, I know I have said to myself
when it happens to you, that is when you will understand.

I hope one day that I can just tell you a little about my DH

Maple