[bearchic34]

My sweet baby girl Sarah was stillborn in Sept 2003 but I still struggle everyday with what should have happened even tho I have a very full life and I have subsequent happy healthy twins that probably saved me physically. Emotionally Sarah is always missing from our family and I still bring her up often in conversation and try to make others remember that she really did live, was a person for a time even if she wasn't born.

I know I just feel so beaten down by life and other problems right now. I am not suicidal anymore, shortly after she died I was an got on meds to help but still on some days I have that fleeting thought of just wanted to be with her........It seems like it shouldn't be so raw after 5 1/2 years but it is still always right there under the surface........I haven't slept a good night without sleep meds since she died.

[bearchic34]

Wow! Thanks for any kind of welcome to this area.....guess I will move on

[pegasus]

Hugs ((((((( bearchic )))))))

I'm sorry I missed your post before.

It is real hard losing a child and you will never forget her. I am wondering if you have ever shared your feelings about this with others that have lost children. You might find it helpful to talk with others in your situation, check out in your area if there is a support group.

[bebop]

hi hon. know you are not alone. the loss of a child is I think the most difficult to deal with. I lost my granddaughter at 13 weeks old. she was my light in the dark. even now 13 yrs later it still hurts at times. some days I want to be with her more than anything. it does get easier but my healing didn't begin until I accepted it. that was so hard to do.

[bearchic34]

I am on the Board of Directors for our local support group, Healing Hearts. Why I have looked for help online in the past is because people are always online while a group only meets a few hours once a month, not necessarily when the worst moments hit. I was on the MISSfoundation.org site for a while which is devoted to prenantal loss but grew disenchanted with it.

[pegasus]

Well, we can support you here but it sounds like you could do with seeing a therapist for one and one counseling.

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( HUGS )))))

I am so sorry for your loss, and I can't - and won't try - to imagine what you're going through. I try to think that everything happens for a reason - even though I don't know the reason why my 57 year old dad collapsed and died in front of my 5 year old daughter. There is a reason for Sarah to have come into your life and be taken away so quickly. I hope you are able to figure out what that is and have some peace in your life. (( HUGS ))

[bearchic34]

Oh yes, that is something I believe whole heartedly, She was here with me for a short while to teach me something. I think I learned several things. A very big one was more/deeper compassion for people then before.
I can't imagine what your little girl was supposed to learn...maybe not to be afraid of dying...that it doesn't hurt or that papa will always be with her??? I hope she isn't taking that too hard. I can't imagine what my kids would do in that position.

[Rhapsody]

From a mother that has lost a child (2 miscarriages & 1 daughter ten yrs old) - I am here for you when ever you need to talk.

[bipolo]

I lost my step-son in a car accident 4 years ago Apr 19. There is one wonderful woman in town who lost a son 20 years ago who said " you will never get "over" the loss of your child. and nothing will ever be "normal again. You learn a new sense of normal and you never, never forget. There will be things that will remind you of her. I like to think that it's their way of reminding us that they are watching over us. They are angels that come into our lives and bless us with the time we got to spend with them.

I know there have been people who told my husband to "get over it" or to "move on". This is not a get over or move on type of thing. Time may heal the pain, but it will never remove the memory. The thing that helped me was the meds I was already on for bipolar, but knowing and believing in my heart that I WILL see Adam again in heaven one day.

Some times talking to others can be difficult if they don't understand. Finding the right kind of grief support group can be real helpful. Know that you are not alone.

[bearchic34]

~hugs~ Thank you....in the years most of the time it has gotten easier but then I of course go through period where the pain is as bad as that day....I have been on antidepressants since it happend, have tried to stop taking them 2x's and it was almost immediate that the black hole started sucking me in...............

[lynn P.]

Hi Bearchic34,
I'm so sorry that lost your beautiful baby daughter. I cannot imagine the grief. To me miscarriage is horrible, but to lose a full term baby must be more difficult because for 9 months you've dreamed and planned for your baby. I can't tell you what to do because this is your journey. I think it's okay to feel sad sometimes even though time has passed. You don't want to forget her. I know you are using your pain to help others here and that's wonderful. I had both my daughters premature 2 months and I remember feeling terrified when they were born early. Take care.

[bearchic34]

I was 27w 5d pregnant with Sarah when she passed. My subsequent twins were 2 months early, 32 weeks.
Ya know whe she first died & was born my biggest thought was 'I would give anything to hold her alive for just a moment, to see her eyes, to hear her cry, to see her chest rise taking a breath' but then after spending so many hours in the NICU and hearing horror stories of babies that suffered for many reasons. I realize that i would not give anything, I would give anything for her to not have suffered and that is what I obssess about now. How she suffered....I have 4 beautiful healthy, loving children but my heart will always be missing a piece for her.