Family member went missing on Thursday night. They found her today. She took her life. She was 45 years old.

What else is there to say about that.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Orange ))))))))))))))))

((( Bear )))

[bebop]

oh honey I am so sorry.

It's just too much bebop.

[ECHOES]

((((( Orange_Blossom )))))))

This is too much, way too much and I'm so sorry.

Please take extra good care of you. You are going through so much and you need some TLC. I am sending you some disguised as hugs.

It's just too much. My brain can't process all of it. It's just too much.

[pegasus]

((((((((( Orange Blossom )))))))))

Words fail me. My thoughts are with you.

[silentandscared]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Orange blossom}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

l am so so sorry to hear this you have been through so muchwords fail me right now so l can only imagine the total disbelief and hurt that you muct be feeling right now. Orange we are here.....keep cming here and keep posting hun, wish we could stand right next to you and take away some of this hurt and grief from you. Feel what you feel hun, there is no right or wrong way just take it at your pace and know that we all care about you very much.
In my thoughts and prayers every day
Take care of you precious one and look after you
Mandyxx

((( Friends )))

Thank you again for your continued support and kindness.

[ECHOES]

(((((((( holding you in my heart )))))))))

Thank you so much ECHOES.

[mysterytour]

oh dearest......you have been through so much.......i am so very sorry.......

Thank you mystery.

I'm feeling kinda defeated.

Today is the anniversary of my brother's death. He OD'ed on heroin and I sometimes wonder if it was a deliberate act, like this recent family member's death was.

I guess it really doesn't matter, does it. It just doesn't matter. I read in another post that prayer really works because their family member is better and it was all due to prayers.

MY FAMILY must not be worthy of having prayers answered. All the prayers in the world couldn't/didn't/won't save my family. We were never good enough. In life or in death.

[LizzyB]

Wow. Oh my gosh. I cannot believe that. You're right, what can one say? But, I want you to know I am grieving for you, if this makes any difference.

I hope this does not come off as sounding trite, but my belief has always been that we are in this life in order to learn lessons. What gets thrown our way is out of our control and often seems to make no sense at all. Our only choice is in how we react and what good we can figure out to take away from it.

Not trying to lecture or anything at all like that. Just trying to convey a way that I personally have found to try and make sense out of these things that seem to make no sense. If there is a higher power or controlling component to the universe and beyond, which I do feel there is, then I guess my way to cope with things is to try and look at them as some sort of learning experiences, as I said.

Hope you don't mind my sharing that.

I do think of you often and wonder how you are, or rather I figure I've got an idea of how you are, and that it's probably not good. I often send good thoughts your way, even though you don't know who I am, really. But I am very sad for you, and none the less, I care. A lot. A thousand hugs to you, Orange Blossom.

And you ARE good enough!!!!!!

Guess that's all I've got to say for now. LizzyB

((( LizzyB )))

Thank you sooooo much for your reply. For you to care about a person you barely know speaks volumes about the type of heart and soul you have.

I'm in such a crappy place. I find myself back at the crossroads I faced when I first got into therapy. I do not know who to grieve first.

When I was a little kid and my father died, I was not comfortable talking about it or crying because it upset every one around me. Being the dysfunctional family we were, no one knew what to say to a little girl who just lost her father so no one said anything. I sucked up all my sadness and stuffed the memories of him way down inside.

When my first brother died, I really had no time to grieve. Along with his wife, he left behind a three-year-old and a three-month-old and my time and focus was all about them.

Whatever time I had left for me was wrapped up in trying to deny the fact that my other brother would soon be dead as well. I did not grieve. I stuffed it all. I threw myself into my job as a diversion.

When my other brother died (five years after the first one) was when the grief hit me. It came hard and fast as all three deaths demanded to be grieved at once. I sat in therapy for the longest time not knowing who to grieve because it was all mixed up into one big mess.

Of course, all through this journey my aunts, uncles and all my grandparents were dying left and right. Out of 16 aunts and uncles I have 4 left.

I finally got to the point where I could talk about my brothers and my father without breaking down, when my mother announced her lung cancer came back. Because I was in a better place, I was able to acknowledge it, accept it and prepare (as best as one can) for her death. I didn't count on her death to be so traumatic. It really tripped me up. I can't sleep at night because I replay it if I close my eyes.

In the middle of all that, a very close friend and mentor died. She played a very important role in my life and I still have trouble accepting her death.

Then my aunt died.

Then my cousin.

And now my in-law took her own life.

I'm back to not knowing who to grieve.

Thanks for listening.

[mysterytour]

blossom.....perhaps instead of grieving..its time to celebrate and honor the loved ones you've lost.....here are some ideas.....make a small gift to a charity that they may have supported, donate a book to the library in their name, plant a tree, plant a small garden with a plant for each and give yourself a place to go and be happy instead of sad,....write one of your beautiful writings and put it in the local paper in their honor....volunteer a little time to a cause that they might support......just some thoughts..i hope that you feel better soon.....

Yes. You're absolutely right. It's time to move on.

[DocClyde]

This thread has now been closed at the request of the OP.