[Inny2009]

I want to scream. I want to jump up and down throw some breakable glass, pull my hair and just scream. Scream so loud and so long i loose my voice for awhile. I want to punch something. Im so sick of this!!! Ive gone through fear, sadness, desperation, anxiety, frusteration and now its time for all out anger i guess. I just want to know whats wrong! Why is it that difficult?!?!?! WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER PATIENT! Why is MY body so hard to understand?! Why is it ME that gets the run around! I HATE DOCTORS! I HATE MY BODY! I hate not knowing! I hate feeling so horribly sick and then get one day that i feel remotely ok which makes me feel so crazy and so hypochrondical and then it lasts a whopping day then go back feeling so physically sick that i cant be a hypochondriac. I DONT GET IT! UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!! I DONT GET MY BODY! I DONT GET DOCTORS! I just want help. I just want to feel better.

[opheliasorrow]

((((((((Inny)))))))

So sorry you feel this way honey. All I can say is that healing takes time, sweetie hang in there even on those bad days and you WILL get better. Take it from someone who knows and who has felt this way so often. Sending my thoughts honey, O xxxx

((Inny)))))))))))))))))) thinking of you

[Inny2009]

thanks Fortunately im having a good day pain wise. Unfortunately that confuses me because if i was really sick i dont know if id have a good day or not. And the only reason i say unfortunately is because that means im a hypochondriac and i dont want to be one. I dont want to be really sick either....but id rather not have this horrible pain be all in my head. I wouldnt know how to handle someone saying your just going to have to deal with this the rest of your life. Its too much to bear...the pain is just too much to bear for the rest of my life having one good day out of many bad ones...so i blew my lid. Im sorry i freaked out, i needed an outlet because i didnt want to scare the baby and plus we need all our plates. I just wish i knew..the doctors knew what was wrong.

[Pup]

I understand so much this.
Docs , people, "family" tell me it's in my head, hypochondriac, attention seeking, making it up, etc.

Turns out I may have M.E.
Idiots.

I now just think I am a hypochondriac & It is in my head. :/

[trixielou]

i know how u feel so much. we have a baseball bat & a deck down by the river & there have been a couple of days ive just wanted to go down there & start just pounding stuff as hard as i can. btw the ballbat is so shiny i dont think its ever seen daylight. anyway i told t about this & he seemed really concerned cuz im such a type b. its unreal the things ive contemplated. my walks i do havent even been any stress relievers so ive started joggin to disperse all this built up crap before i really go off the deep end. right now my hubbys runnin around sayin no peace no peace no peace in this fn house my 12 year olds been runnin with her friends for 2 days & comes home & thinks everything should revolve around her my 2 year old is just bein a 2 year old not to mention my preteen queen is hovering over my shoulder tryin to read this & i just wanna go down & jump in the river not to drown myself i know none of them can get to me out there cuz theyre too chicken **** to jump in that cold *** river in the pitch black. i need a cigarette. what i really want is about 3mg of klonopin & some flexeril huh nice to dream well back to reality pray 4 me oh u 4got i rolled my foot so hard during the summer & lately its been feelin more pain than ever & i would not know what its like to go one day without a headache with my veins in my head poppin out

[trixielou]

thanks to anyone who reads my rant

[marathonmel7]

Originally Posted by Inny2009

I want to scream. I want to jump up and down throw some breakable glass, pull my hair and just scream. Scream so loud and so long i loose my voice for awhile. I want to punch something. Im so sick of this!!! Ive gone through fear, sadness, desperation, anxiety, frusteration and now its time for all out anger i guess. I just want to know whats wrong! Why is it that difficult?!?!?! WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER PATIENT! Why is MY body so hard to understand?! Why is it ME that gets the run around! I HATE DOCTORS! I HATE MY BODY! I hate not knowing! I hate feeling so horribly sick and then get one day that i feel remotely ok which makes me feel so crazy and so hypochrondical and then it lasts a whopping day then go back feeling so physically sick that i cant be a hypochondriac. I DONT GET IT! UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!! I DONT GET MY BODY! I DONT GET DOCTORS! I just want help. I just want to feel better.

i feel the EXACT SAME WAY right now! i have never been an irate person but lately, i get so mad i want to break plates, punch walls, throw things, scream, etc. i really think i understand how you feel. i have been on antidepressants for about 4 months. i went from celexa to prozac, and from klonopin to valium back to klonopin. i feel crazy, i'm not sure if my doc knows what he's doing and suicide is constantly on my mind. if nothing else... please know that you're not alone... i feel crazy and i just want to be better too!

[nightbird]

So glad you are doing better.

Healing is definitely a process.

I try to remember for myself that the best healing happens when my body is in a relaxed and rested mode, or during sleep, so I try to resist
stressful events as much as possible, and have learned to choose quickly the better response to things that happen... so my body remains on course.

Of course, not being perfect, I fail at this at times. I get right up again and move forward. Dust off, keep moving forward with healing.

It's our most important work, I think.

Peace and Wellness to You,
Nightbird
xo

[January]

Inny & Marathon,

Please go tell your drs how you are feeling. They need to know what you are experiencing. There might be another med they want you to try or they might be able suggest things to help you deal with these feelings and thoughts.

I wish you both the very best.

[Inny2009]

Thank you. Its weird. I am so sick alot of the time and its like i know something is wrong. Then one day i will feel great, i feel so crazy!!! When i feel like that it drives me nuts. Thats when i freak out. Because i dont want to be crazy...i dont want to be a hypochondriac or for it to be just stress. I know that sounds weird. Believe me, i dont want something seriously wrong with me...but i dont want to know that my whole life i am going to feel this sick for 95% of my life and there is nothing no one can do about it. The idea of being in so much pain without relief just makes me so frusterated. I dont even know how to describe it! The pain is so bad that take the flu aches and pains and times it by 20...it is so bad i get to the point where i need help just to open and shut a door...walk up a flight of steps i need to stop every 4th step to compose myself, two days ago i found another lump in my chest the size of a golf ball. Its soft and moves. I know it was not there. I check my chest about once a week because i have 6 other hard immovable lumps on my chest that are growing. I like to keep an eye on them to check growth level. I dont understand this! At first the doctor said its because losing all the weight from the baby just shows im a lumpy person and its nothing at all. Yea well i tried explaining to her that they are growing. They were NOT there before. How do i know? Because when i stand with my side to the mirror you can see them popping out of my chest to the point where if you stand two arm lengths away you can still see them...Anyway...maybe i am becoming a nutcase but how in the HECK CAN I MAKE THAT UP???? Sorry..im ranting..Thank you for listening and supporting me.