[Monty_girl]

I know that my speech can be messed up at times. That sometimes it's hard to find a word and it takes me time to say something. This morning my husband had called and he was working on his mothers computer. He needed me to read off the letters on the side of his computer. I couldn't get the letters right. I kept saying B when the letter was P. It was not just those letters. It was all of them. I would look at the letters and try and read them off and I couldn't. Just like my brain knew what the letter was. But when it came out of my mouth it was a different letter. And when the right letter was said, it was so slurd he couldn't understand me. Then I would have to try and say the letter again.

i'm so sorry, Monty Girl. i've behind on this..have you been diagnosed with MS? love, pat

[(JD)]

Yeah. Brain fog is what we call it. It will come and go. When it's around you need to be easy on yourself... as with any symptomology with any illness. It doesn't do any good to try and fight through it.

Compensation and compromise. You will become very good at ingenious ways to work around things, I hope.

For example, in that case you spoke of... a digital picture of the letters etc...emailed to him. OR he has to call you back or let you call him if/when the brain clears.

I sure hope he isn't angry with you. You have no reason to be angry with yourself either, angry at the disease, yeah I guess. I think anger isn't good for most ppl.

How frustrating this situation was for you! I'm sure that the harder you tried, the worse it became.

[dottie]

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

It is very frustrating and scary I can hear that in your post I am very sorry PM me any time

hugs

[Monty_girl]

It's been about a year now Pat. I don't talk much about it. Still angry about it. It started with my left eye. All of a sudden everything in my left eye was just blurried. No matter how hard I tried it just wouldn't clear. I ended up driving home on the interstate with my one hand over my eye so that I could at least drive. It lasted almost a day. It's happened 3 other times since then. I keep trying to pretend nothing is wrong. But then like today it reminds me it's here.

Monty

[Monty_girl]

You are so right Sky. I was so frustrated and the harder I tried the worse it was.

Think I'm still really angry with the why me thing. Haven't I been through enough, then to add this to my life. Just isn't fair.

I'm trying to cut myself some slack. Took a good nap this afternoon. That's the thing it gets me the most. Being so tired. I sleep at least 8-10 every night, I take my vitamins and yet I stay so really really tired. I had to say, OK I'm tired so TAKE A NAP.

And it's after 10 and I'm still awake with these thunderstorms. I'm going to try and sleep and not be so angry.

Monty

[Monty_girl]

TY for the hugs SleepsWithButterFlies

Yeah, I am really scared.

Monty

[Monty_girl]

dottie

[wisewoman]

Monty, I am sorry you are scared. The disease has a different course for everyone so please take good care of yourself.

[(JD)]

Yes, I guess we do cope by pretending it isn't there, once in a while. We can get away with that too, if we still limit ourselves so we don't "pay" for it afterwards. It isn't easy to live with an illness or disability staring us in the face 24/7, I agree.

I don't think I really went through the "why me" on any of this stuff I'm going through. I found that by not voicing that, others, when they found out what I'm dealing with, would say it for me... more of a validation then, I guess?

Yes, you're right, when you need a nap, that's just the way it is: you need to take a nap. No debating, no arguing, no wondering what if... it "just is" and you're fatigued and need naps. I quit explaining if anyone was around... when I used to do outings... I just made the statement, and went and took a nap!

But it isn't just the nap, I know. It's all of it. Such an adjustment!

[Monty_girl]

I think I go through a lot of the " why me", because I feel like I've been through so much already in my life. I've felt like these last few years of happiness and comfort has been want I desevered. Like my happiness is a pay back for all the years of extreme abuse I faced growing up. And now I feel like MS is taking my reward from me. Guess it is really just the anger at the MS.

I have an overnight training coming up in a couple of weeks. Everyone wants to hang out and do all this stuff and I just don't have the energy to do all of that. Somehow I'm going to have to slip off and catch a nap. Last year when we had the training I got so very sick. To the point I was vomitting and running to the bathroom. I just got to hot and to tired and it made me so very very sick. Now I know what's going on with me and I know I can't push myself like that. But how do I explain to these people who are older then me, I'm tired I need my nap??

It's just hard sometimes.
Monty

[(JD)]

IT is hard, you are right!

Nothing is worth getting worse over. I learned that the hard way too (and it took years of that!) GRRRR Pace yourself. Get the schedule ahead of time on the training. You have the right to ask them to accomodate you, if you ask ahead of time. If you have to be at all the sessions, then ask them to make a 15 min break a 30 minute break so you can go lie down. (I'm amazed at how 20 minutes of dark, cool, quite, calming in a bed rejuvenates me --IF I haven't already overdone

Once you have the schedule, then set yours. The hard part is sticking to it. Have a copy and carry it with you... and when it's time to break, study it and let those around you think AH she has something important to do (it's on a paper!) ROFL.

Don't feel you need to tell them anything. People may push you for a reason, but more often than not it is our OWN expectations that try to generate an "excuse." If you still think you have to say something then use: "I'll catch you later." "I'll be back in a few minutes." "I'm going to go by the room for a minute." "I can't talk right now, how about after...?" The less you tell them, the fewer explanations you have to come up with. Sooner or later you will end up saying, "You know? I have MS." I hope it is on your own terms that you say that, and not out of frustration.

Well, it IS important. Once you realize how much you can enjoy what you DO get done, rather than be miserable the whole time after the first few hours because you're pushing...it will be easier to do what's in your OWN best interest in the future. TC (((Hugs))))

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

For some reason everybody seems to understand "I have a migraine, I need to go off by myself for a while to shake this if I can..excuse me" Thats what I would do if I didnt want to let on I have MS

((MONTY ))

[drunksunflower]

Yap what Sleeps said.