[Travelinglady]

I know we come here with health concerns and complaints, but I believe "laughter is the best medicine." Therefore, I am starting this health humor thread. When you feel up to it, please post your own silly/funny experiences with doctors, health jokes, cartoons, etc. Thanks! If nothing else, maybe the groan you make from whatever I post will get your mind a bit off the groans from your ailments.

A woman accompanied her husband when he went for his annual check-up. While the patient was getting dressed, the doctor came out and said to his wife, "I don't like the way he looks."

"Neither do I," she said. "But he's handy around the house."

[Travelinglady]

Doctor: "You're coughing easier today."

Patient: "I should think so. I've been practicing all night!"

[optimize990h]

An experienced nurse had a grumpy doctor as a patient. She had been assigned him because he was difficult to deal with. One day, the nurse explained to the doctor that she needed an accurate rectal temperature, so the doctor needed to follow instructions carefully so the proper amount of medication could determined to give him.

The retired doctor complied. He was in the doggy position with his buttocks pointing to the ceiling and his head laying on a pillow. The nurse told the doctor that the rectal temperature had remain his rectum a predetermined amount of time based on his body weight. The doctor felt a "rectal thermometer" positioned in his private place and he waited for the nurse to return.

A number of other doctors and nurses who came to check the patient left giggling.

Later another staff member stated the patient had a daisy sticking out of his private part!

[Travelinglady]

Ha! That was kind of a mean thing for the nurse to do!

[yellowted]

patient "doctor, doctor, i feel like everyone is ignoring me"

doctor "next patient please"

patient "doctor, doctor i think i've gone blind,everythings gone black'
doctor "you're fine"
patient "how can you tell you haven't examined me?
doctor "because it's just another bxxxdy power cut"

[yellowted]

husband tells his wife he is going to the doctors
wife asks if he is ill
husband replies "no it's just to get some of that viagra everyone is on about"
wife replies "oh, in that case I better come with you"
husband asks why his wife wants to come too
wife replies "to get some headache pills"

[yellowted]

true stories,

I enroled with a new doc a few months ago, my first visit was to see the nurse to take details of my health history, all was going well until she asked me what difficulties i have, i told her asthma, eczema, saeboherric dermititus, dyslexia, arthritis, multiple allergies, hyperhydrosis and dissociative motor disorder, at which point she said "how do you spell that please!"

a mate of mine is a T2 quadraplegic, when he arrived at hospital for a pre booked scan was told "just hop onto the bed and we can get started!"
his reply was 'not without a hoist'
to be met with a suprised look and a very suprised 'oh' by the nurse

[Travelinglady]

Patient: "This hospital is no good. They treat us like dogs."

Nurse: "Mr. Jones, you know that's not true. Now roll over!"

[beadlady29]

thqnk u so much far nthis thred ye all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!beads and im sure many others can use a good laugh now and again.................we really coul;d relate to some of these we did laugh adn it felt good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all of us beadies

[GirlOfManyFaces]

(What happened today)

Doctor: now what's wrong today?
Me: it hurts when I move around.
Doctor: oh that's no good. Hop up on the table and lay down
Me: -.- *ouch*
Doctor: tell me if this hurts...>push< >press< >poke<
Me: *OUCH OUCH OUCH*
Doctor: you seem to be in pain
........................................................................………………..................................

(What I wish happened next)

Doctor: is that all that is wrong?
Me: no, I'm having some muscle spasms in my right arm
Doctor: let me see
Me: **PUNCH DOC IN FACE**
Me: oh I'm terribly sorry... That arm, it just does whatever it wants.

Hahaha hey I made myself laugh.....

[Travelinglady]

You made me laugh, too!

[Travelinglady]

A guy spots his doctor in the mall. He stops him and says, "Six weeks ago when I was in your office, you told me to go home, get into bed, and stay there until you called. But you never called.'"

"I didn't?" the doctor says. "Then what are you doing out of bed?"

[beadlady29]

Good one Payne! thankx
beads

[Travelinglady]

[Travelinglady]

"Don't you find it unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'"?

George Carlin

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

"Don't you find it unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'"?

George Carlin

OMG that is so true! Haha

[Dreamer11]

Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
A: If you aim it well enough.

Patient: 'I've got a terrible pain in my right arm, doctor.'
Doctor: 'Don't worry, it's just old age.'
Patient: 'But in that case, why doesn't my left arm hurt, too - I've had it just as long?'

[Travelinglady]

My own experiences... one of my sisters and I have always looked at health with humor, coming from a family of hypochondriacs and complainers. We over-exaggerate e.g. when one of us has a headache it's a "brain tumor." If we forget something it's early onset senility. We don't make fun of people with imaginary or overstated health problems. It's just a coping mechanism, like most humor is.

[Travelinglady]

Maybe I missed the point of this cartoon, but I certainly didn't interpret it that way! Sorry. What do the rest of you think? Was it meaning the guy was thinking he was going to die when he had a minor ailment?

[Travelinglady]

I'm sorry my humor is sick......

[Travelinglady]

Ike: "I just came back from the doctor."

Mike: "Which doctor?"

Ike: "Well, he's been called worse!"

[yellowted]

Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains, well pull yourself together!

doctor " i have some good news and some bad news, the bad news is the chainsaw you fell on completely chopped up the left side of your body so we had to amputate it, the good news is you are all right now!"

doctor doctor i feel like a carrot.......ok, just don't get yourself into a stew

[yellowted]

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

nurse" doctor there is a guy here wanting to see you because he thinks he is invisible"
doctor" I can't see him now, tell him to come back later when i can see him"

doctor doctor i feel like a fish....... is your wife battering you!

[Travelinglady]

Good ones, Yellowted! I especially got a hoot out of the man who is "all right now!"