I'm 17 and I feel like I'll never have a girlfriend

I feel like I'll never have a girlfriend. I'm 17 and I have never been in a relationship before and I don't even have any female friends. I'm really not exaggerating about the female friends part. Most guys can at least say they have one or a few girl friends. I have a real hard time socializing but it is easier for me to talk to other guys than girls. I don't even have many guy friends. No girl has ever approached me about dating or anything like that. Only a few girls have called me cute before but more girls have called me ugly and made fun of my looks before. I haven't been "bullied" in years but the effects still linger as I have low self-esteem. I find it hard to think of any positives about myself that girls would like. I'm a pretty smart guy, but I'm not really attractive, my voice is breathy and ugly, I have no social skills and I'm extremely awkward, and there's nothing interesting about me or anything that makes me stand out. I hate seeing girls that I think are really attractive because I know that I'm virtually invisible in their eyes because I don't look good enough. I try to wear nice clothes and shower a lot but they still don't seem to care. I feel embarrassed about my situation because most people my age can say that they have done things like had their first kiss, lose their virginity, or gone to the prom. I haven't done any of those things. The latter really kills me because of the fact that that is supposed to be a memorable high school moment and I won't get to live it. I have no real way to meet or talk with girls either. I am home schooled and I graduate this year and I don't plan on going to college. I try to be optimistic about finding a girlfriend but girls just pay me no mind. Thinking about it is depressing and I feel like a loser and a joke. Please help.

I was in your shoes when I was 17 as well. I would ask girls out and get shot down all the time. I never went to prom and was a virgin until I was 26.

BUT!

You're still around little girls who don't know their head from a hole in the ground. Unfortunately, they won't start to get it until around 25 or so. Seriously. They're brains are not developed yet (yours either) and they won't be able to make good logical decisions for another 7 or 8 years. So basically kitty is in control and they're only interested in that hot guy.

Hang in there. It will change. At around 25 or so, some of them start to come around and realize that a good guy doesn't fit the imaginary image presented on TV or movies and they'll start looking for you.

Until then, do your thing and don't worry about them. You've got too many things you need to do than worry about trying to impress someone whose brain isn't even fully grown.

I hope it doesn't take that long. My self-esteem is already low, being alone for eight more years would make it even worse. Not to mention the fact that there still isn't a guarantee that a woman will want me. There are some guys out there who are 40 and haven't dated yet. I know that there are more important things to worry about but at least some form of female attention or companionship would be nice. I try to take my mind off of girls but literally every time I see a couple or an attractive girl the depressing feelings come back.

Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. I watched Titanic in theaters and was the only single person I could see in the theater. 2-2-2-4-2-2-1 ...

Yeah, it hurts. It hurts bad.

Maybe college will change things. Quite a few people come into their own during college. And they have things called formals. It's prom for college. So you still have a shot at that.

I got drug to a formal. I was the single guy there. But I could drink so I got %$#@faced.

Things change, there is nothing that is constant. So chin up, , you'll find that girl when you aren't looking. Always seems to be that way.

Hopefully I find the girl sooner than later. I just want someone that I can be close with and spend time with. Thanks for your advice.

Don't worry, you will find someone.

I really never had a girlfriend till I met my wife at 26. I went to prom alone. I was so bummed out as a teen, that I turned to giving blowjobs to my best friend so that I could feel wanted or needed, even if I was being used.

It may have seemed like a lifetime, but my "person" was found and we've been married almost 20 years. And please don't think that all those people with BFs/GFs are in equal and loving relationships. Don't worry, someone of quality will come by and you will be glad you waited.

I do hope you can find a way to relocate and possibly attend college or a community college that separates you from your current home/community. It seems that going out and living independently, trial and error and finding a like-minded social circle may be that start of an awakening/unfolding process for you. Moving away from my hometown and experiencing life on my own worked wonders for me after struggling through middle and high school. College is as much about finding out who you are as getting the education.

I'm kind of going through the same thing, but I'm middle-aged and have never been in a significant relationship though not a virgin. The last attractive female that I had interactions with, at work, literally bolted up from the table she was seated at when I approached to speak with her. So I can't guarantee that you'll find someone, but most people do. One of the shyest guys in my high school later married a beautiful Japanese woman.

Thanks for your reply! It's not really about how their relationships are doing, it's just that I wish I had one of my own. I don't even have any female friends, I just wish there was some girl I could talk to or hang out with. She doesn't even have to be my girlfriend, just someone who I could talk to and someone who would accept me.

Thanks for your reply! To be honest, college has never really interested me a whole lot. I consider myself to be smart but I get pretty average grades and school is not really my strong suit. After high school, I just planned to find work doing something or maybe even try the military.

Thanks for your reply! The "most people do" thing is literally the only thing that still gives me hope. At least you had the courage to go speak to her! Trying to initiate a conversation with an attractive girl for me would be a disaster. The scariest thing to me is the fact that pretty much the only way to get a girlfriend is to approach a girl, because girls don't usually approach guys. I just assume that the attractive girls just don't care about my existence and would just laugh at me or brush me off if I approached them.

Anything that might give you a taste of life on your own terms. Like I said, college (or community college), isn't just about getting the formal education!

I had my first long term relationship when I was 18. I thought it was the real thing and it ended up being not so great.

Sure relationships are great when you're young... but you'll find some good ones outside of your teenage years (like at work or post secondary).

The thought of finding someone when I get older gives me hope but then again, why would girls find me more attractive then than now? If they don't give me the time of day now then why would it change? I try to remain hopeful but I'm almost 18 with still no dating history. Even a lot of non-popular guys have dated at least one girl by this time.

What is 'attractive' does change as you get a few years under your belt. Attraction comes in many forms that do seem to expand as we get older. I didn't have a real relationship of any kind till I was 21 and then they just seemed to fall into place.

As for being friends with girls/interacting... Just be normal. I personally think that once I stopped caring whether or not I'd get a girlfriend and was just myself around others without any thoughts of relationships... I suddenly (well, slowly as I was blind to it at first) became attractive... Was ironic.

I appreciate the advice but I do act pretty normal and I get nothing. I wish I at least had some friends that were girls but I don't. I don't even know how to interact with girls on a friendly level because I'm really used to only having male friends. What really gets me down is that I will be graduating in a few months and after that, my window to have a girlfriend or have female friends will get even smaller because I'm not planning on going to college and I'm not old enough to go to clubs or anything so I'll pretty much have no way to meet girls.

I'm not sure if it will help, but at some point I believe that you need to just give up on the expectation or anxiety of finding someone. Have you ever gone to bed with the thought in your mind, about "I hope I don't have trouble sleeping tonight", then end not sleeping all night? I believe that whether you realize it or not, you are likely going to clubs, parties and such with a "negative vibe", meaning that you probably are there actually expecting to not find someone.
A good example is my wife who recently "gave up emotionally" on ever getting the child support she is owed by her ex-husband, basically saying I don't care and I'm not going to try going after him anymore. Literally one week to the hour later, she received almost the same amount of money in disability compensation.
You can call it karma, fate, the interconnectivitiy of the universe, or whatever, but sometimes you get exactly what you are asking for, even if you don't realize you are.

I know it is hard, but you need to put effort into NOT being jealous of others, or into NOT expecting to find a partner or friend when you go out. It will happen when life is ready for it to happen. You've made a habit out of being disappointed, and now you need to break out of that cycle.

YOU CAN DO IT! I know you can!

Thank you! I really like what you said and it has made me feel a little more hopeful. I try not to think about it that much but sometimes I just can't help it. It just sucks knowing that I barely have any friends and that I have no girlfriend. Sometimes I can't help but get jealous of certain people because they have a lot of friends or because they might have an attractive girlfriend or have a lot of girls that like them but I will try not to from now on. Thanks for the advice.

My self-esteem just keeps getting lower. I recently got some new clothes and wore them out a few days ago and I didn't even get as much as a glance from any girl that I saw. Sometimes I wish I could be a different person, I hate being unattractive and awkward.

You're in New York, NY? You'll meet someone someday.

It's not that simple unfortunately

Hi, I have the same problem. I know exactly what it feels like to get no attention from girls. I'm 24 now, and there seems to be no improvement in sight.
But here's the thing. Do you honestly think that just by getting a girlfriend magically fixes anything?

For example, I had always thought that I was unhappy because I've never had a girlfriend, had no money and was still a virgin.
Well, with a bit of luck I somehow managed to fix two of these problems, and my assumption turned out to be rather foolish and naive.
Having money doesn't fix your personal insecurities and definitely doesn't make you happy.
Sex and the whole virginity thing is severely overrated by society, you'll realize eventually.
As for relationships.. I don't know for sure but I stopped idealizing it.
Still, it was such a valuable enlightenment to realize that sex is no big deal and that, theoretically, I could get it anytime I want (by paying for it that is...). It didn't make me feel better at all, just opened my eyes that the problem is of far deeper nature. One that wouldn't be as easy to fix by simply completing a silly achievement.

But this is like, just my point of view on it man

Hey bud, I just wanted to add my 2 cents.

- First time I kissed a girl (actually, she kissed me) I was 23. Met the girl on an Amtrak train ... no BS !
- At 24, I got into my first and only serious relationship. We were in love, almost got married. That lasted about a year.
- Since then, I've been in numerous month-long attempts at relationships, meeting girls in a myriad of random ways (the latest was at a furniture store ... she offered up her #)

The point is ... random stuff happens over time ! You're too young to be anxious or worried about not having a girl. As Webgoji said, people your age (esp girls, if you ask me) don't yet know who they are or what they want, and that will change !

I know how you feel ... I've been in exactly that spot. And it ain't fun, but it ain't permanent ... nothing is.

Give it some time ... your true personality and identity will come out. In the meantime, enjoy your youth, and work on yourself (your career for example). You are bound to run into some chick, someday, who will want to take you home and use you for anatomy class.

Your life is just beginning. Countless experiences await you. Come back to this thread when you're my age (31) ... your wife probably won't let you

That was a reassuring read, thanks!
The train seems like such a bad place to meet people. Everyone is just listening to music, reading books, texting messages or just doing their own thing. Everyone seems to be annoyed, just wanting to arrive at their destination asap.
How the hell did you meet somebody in an environment like that?

LOL! Yes, trains are not the best place. However, the mädchen I met was horny as hell. It was the holiday season, it was kalt, and she needed a warm body next to her