Life is pointless without intimacy

I am great at taking care of myself. I have, ever since the age of 18, looked after myself, and gotten to a point of financial security and independence.

I am comfortable (with money), secure in my job, in good physical health, in a good state of physical fitness, and have good looks (been told by many).

But, I am clueless when it comes to initiating conversations with women. I've never been good at this, and my track record with women proves this.

So, I go about my routine, work, exercise, cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping, feeling lonely, etc. Day after night after day after night.

I have been in one serious relationship of any significant length - 8 months ... this was 7 years ago. We practically lived together, were in love, and did everything together.

Everyday at work, I looked forward to the end of the work day and coming home to my sweetie in the kitchen and putting my arms around her. And, to lying next to her in bed, feeling her warmth, and waking up next to her. And, to being there for her in every way, and making her smile.

Without this kind of intimacy, what's the friggin point ? I don't know how much longer I can carry on with my pointless routine. This summer might be my last on this Earth.

You 'preparing to walk into the forest' in the context of Aokigahara is a suicide threat, so how are we supposed to respond to that?

Do you do any socialising, belong to any groups / clubs? I think when we focus too hard on one thing and it never seems to come along, it can make us feel low.

Maybe by changing focus and just looking to build up relationships with friends, intimacy will come along when you least expect it to.

I am not in a relationship and tried dating sites for a while, but after little success in finding someone I click with, have become more focused on practising making friends with people.

No-one really knows what happens when we die and I remind myself that maybe I would be casting myself off into worse place, so I'm going to stay around for if I leave the "party", I might miss something special.

Take care

You don't have to do anything, pal Thanks for the time you took to remind me of that.

Thanks. I've tried meetup.com with generally horrible results. I've been a member for years, and have met just plain awful people through it ... my luck only.

You're right about making friends ... it's the right approach. Good luck to you.

Hello,
try voluntary work or do a leisure course a college , do a sport or scrabble club, do your intrests when outside. If you go on dating sites or singles bars, your sort of in the mode of expectancy , rather than going about normally , its the unexpected that matters,

And dont forget conversing with guy is the same as talking to a girl .
I get like you with conversing , and start think I have to come up with a conversation that will be intelligent , funny , and everything all in one .

Bars only add pressure to do that. A dull conversation starter can be rescued with a humourus tag line , practise dry humour ,

It sounds like a cliche but I know from experience that you've got to be comfortable with yourself; I have an offbeat sense of humor, know a little bit about a lot of things, though there are some subjects in which I'm well versed, I can be opinionated, contradictory, infuriating, annoying, irritable, angry, outgoing, withdrawn...and that's me. Take me as I am or don't bother. My wife and I(23 years)are so different that the marriage almost ended when we returned from our honeymoon. And I'm sorry I didn't carry it through. She crazier than I am, except I know I'm mentally ill and I've been dealing with it for the past two decades. She's disconnected from herself and has no desire to look inside those dark places that she has walled off. She's not comfortable with herself...unless she's had a drink or two.

Be yourself, whomever that is. Don't try; just be. And don't look for a relationship. Things happen when you stop trying. Nor don't overlook a woman who wants something casual; now & then. Relax and enjoy your life. I have a friend who has no desire to marry and he always has a woman in his life, even if it's for a short time. I wish I could turn the clock back to before I met my now wife. I miss my independence and I miss the fun I had. Don't miss out on the fun. I'd rather with a wild woman for a few days than in a marriage that feels like doing life in prison.

Try women from further away. Women in your own area often have their way of seeing men, and when you don't fit that very well, you don't get any attention, trust me, I know.

It sounds to me like you are a very great guy. It literally just is a case of looking in the wrong place. I did the same thing. There is nothing wrong with you, or the women, it's just a non-matching.

Please try to view your life more objectively, please don't end it. I wanted to as well, but I am really glad I stayed because things are changing for me. If I had been gone, all the suffering would have been for nothing because you can't enjoy the new better life that arose from going through it. Yes, it is a long dark tunnel, but a tunnel has an ending portal out into the open, into a new and different place, always remember that. The greatest thing about going through a tunnel too, is that you only see the new place you entered and none of the place you left behind. All you see is the black hole you emerged from behind you.

All the best.

I feel you completely lolodian4ever. You are not the only one. I know how this feels. Not having sex/a girlfriend can be, and is very depressing. It takes a shot at our manhood. Can make you feel like less of a man. That's what it does to me. I am 35 have had some serious relationships but not for a long time. Around 7 years. Embarrassing to me. I usually do not tell people how this bothers me. After having women screw me over left and right I have been sceptical of women. My last one staged a robbery and stole my stuff. Been thrown in jail cuz of women, had them cheat on me, try to get other dudes to fight me and more. So I didn't want a relationship for quite a while. This while turned into years. After a long time of not having a girlfriend I forgot how to be around women. I'm not a womanizer and do not play women.I'm a good, respectful guy. Unfortunately it seems nice guys do finish last. I've had friends who just go and lie, and get women. I feel this is wrong. I will not do that, but women like being told what they wanna hear. There are good women who are not like that but hard to come by however. Anyways I have tried to meet women and now have no luck. I also am good looking and usually workout. This don't help much if you can't talk to a woman. My current mental state makes me not even bother. I have high anxiety and can't even be around people. My depression is so bad I don't even wanna try. I too feel I am at the end of the road because of many reasons, but this is something that does bother me. I did have a girlfriend a few months ago but she was just using me. We were never even intimate. It was a short time so to me it doesn't even count. I did let my guard down and she hurt me. In the end she ended up saying she was a lesbian. What the f***!!!!!! Makes me kinda feel like Ross from Friends. So anyways I too am confused about myself. I am lonely. Don't know what to do, but just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel about having no intimacy and feeling incomplete without another half. Kinda lost my train of thought about what I was trying to say so I hope this makes some sort of sense and gives you some comfort. Wish I had some advice to give but I'm pretty much in the same boat. Hang in there.

Sorry, I re-read my reply and it sounds kinda negative and depressing. Not my intentions. Like I said just trying to explain why I understand how you probably feel. Stay up. You're young and there are a lot of fish in the sea. You might be able to find a good woman at a church or some support groups. Just some ideas. "After every dark night is a bright day." 2PAC

Hey Robcalher, I know how you feel about being used. I've paid women's rent for them already before, and all their expenses and a whole lot of other stuff. Most women will never admit it, but they are doing no different than a prostitute. All they see in men is money. Not all the girls though, but many or most do. They come with soppy stories every time about how you are the only one who cares about them and how they have nobody else. I've already been called an angel, sent by God, all these things by several women just so they can get money from me. There has been only one woman in my life (other than my mom) so far (whom I just happened to meet here on PC) who is honest with me and is a true friend. But, as luck would have it, we are separated by the Atlantic Ocean.

Then, not even to mention the control freak, narcissistic female "supervisors" I have at university trying to manipulate me at every opportunity they get, and who believe they are goddesses of research or something.

So, I kinda know how you feel bro, many hugs. I am seriously considering not getting married in my life and I wish I had the money to quit working at the university where I am and do my research independently. My life story is like a bad daytime soap-opera already, I don't need more "content". If anyone's going to determine how this drama goes forward, it's gonna be me and me alone, I don't need "help" to make it even worse.

I know which woman you are referring to. She is a friend of mine on this site.

Dude, F * * * the ocean ... go make a life with her !!! Go change your life.