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#1
Apr 27, 2015, 11:37 AM
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So it has been a while and yet I must admit I do stop by more often seeking something new(let down). Where has everyone gone? Nobody new and nobody old, really what happened? Enough of the intro of no meaning and on to something a bit better. I have mostly ended all medicine and have changed my career somewhat (sorta same but much better). Been very busy work wise and have noticed I have been able to be so much better with my family. I take more time to see my mistakes even after I make them and have been able to find ways to fix them in a "normal" way(at least I think so). Many times the old me is always first but then I have a moment to think and see that the old me was always the problem. To be open to discussion and coming up with alternative measures than just "my own". I have also become less patient with remaining people in my life (friends) and cut back on trying to have relationships with any as I always find them to be a waste of time. My standards remain high and will not change so therefore I am not willing to change all my beliefs. I find it better for me to have my family around and not to really worry about others any longer. Maintaining friendships have always seemed like more work than there worth. Anyway just thought of sharing something and look forward to hearing what others have been up to.
Best, From the "new" Underground...... |
 avlady, Fuzzybear
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#2
Apr 27, 2015, 04:33 PM
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It's unfortunate how dead it is in here now. It used to be far more exciting.
As to what I'm up to, I moved the first week of the month so I've been rather busy. You're the only "pure" narcissist I've seen on this forum, hence the reason it's so dead in here when you don't post. |
| avlady, Fuzzybear
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#3
Apr 28, 2015, 12:53 AM
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| avlady
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#4
Apr 28, 2015, 07:37 AM
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Well at least it's great to see some old friends still around. I guess I also learned that being an "n" doesn't give me the right to make my own rules in the "n" forum. Although....... I will leave that alone lol. You see it all went downhill as soon as I had to be monitored. I was so angry at the fact that I was not able to write as I wanted so I left for a long time. In my N thoughts I was satisfied with the way things turned here as it only solidified my beliefs and how important I was to this room. In the real world I should know that rules do also pertain to me (WHAT???)lol. Well it's time to make things so much more interesting here at least in this room. I always did enjoy MOST of the interactions with others as the understanding is very impressive for one another (most cases). I am glad to be back and share some more thoughts as I did in the past.
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| avlady, Fuzzybear
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 Atypical_Disaster
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#5
Apr 28, 2015, 09:54 AM
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^ You've got that right(of course you do, lol). Most of the people that come through here have no idea what they're walking into...
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| avlady
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#6
Apr 28, 2015, 01:11 PM
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BTW If your the chill then I am the dark......
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| avlady
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| Atypical_Disaster, Mattmx
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#7
Apr 28, 2015, 07:32 PM
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| avlady
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#8
May 01, 2015, 06:55 PM
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My diagnosis is back to NPD after thorough psychological testing. I'm a malignant narcissist, but alas still a narcissist so that's my update in the psychology department. Heh.
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| avlady
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#10
May 04, 2015, 01:49 PM
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| avlady
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#11
May 06, 2015, 01:02 PM
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So today I was set to go by a used vehicle for my company and spoke to seller multiple times in regards to getting necessary info to have insurance and what not completed. Called again this morning to confirm I was set to come with paper work, insurance and money and I was reassured that no matter what he would wait for me to get there before selling to anyone else. Well after leaving the bank with the cash, insurance done I texted him to let him know I was heading up. Reply: I apologize but someone just showed up and I sold it to him. WOW WTF, completely screwed my head up and made me become a little nutty. This is why I guess having issues can become very overpowering with rage and screwing my entire day up. Oh well I just figured I would share.
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| Atypical_Disaster
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#12
May 06, 2015, 03:24 PM
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If I get angry I can be seething for awhile, it scares people. Heh. |
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#13
May 07, 2015, 09:32 AM
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So today I am struggling with a hang over (don't experience these often). Went out to a dinner party last night then to a bar. Said some things that were not appropriate, nothing new. Alcohol had a different effect on me yesterday probably due to were my head was with the earlier event.
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#14
May 07, 2015, 02:44 PM
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As usual, it is like you are reading my mind Underground. I can relate to what you are saying. I am often saying things that others deem "inappropriate" but typically I do not realize it until someone tells me(and then I often don't take them at all seriously and just give them a hefty dose of my contempt, HAHAHA), or I will eventually realize it later as I have self-awareness now albeit it is still limited. But just because I may realize I've been acting rather "badly" doesn't mean I'll care... Hehehehe.
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#15
May 07, 2015, 03:03 PM
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#16
May 07, 2015, 03:26 PM
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#17
May 08, 2015, 07:44 AM
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#18
May 08, 2015, 05:47 PM
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I am always referred to as "extremely blunt" by people that have known me for more than a week or so HA HA. Some people appreciate my direct no BS attitude, but for the more sensitive people like borderlines and histrionics(one of which I knew who loved to make up fantastical abuse stories in an attempt to tarnish the reputation of a very good organization of people who just try to help each other)... they cannot stand me. Well, the feeling is mutual. I don't intend to stigmatize those two disorders, all I am saying is that it is a huge personality clash, every single time. With everything I do, I think it is morally justified and that I am doing nothing wrong. When someone confronts me about my supposed "bad behavior" I am quite frankly clueless about what it was that I've done or said that's so "bad", unless I'm "playing the game" on purpose but that is another story entirely. |
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#19
Jun 04, 2015, 11:31 AM
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So lately I have been in a dark place. Anger had overcome me at times which in turn makes me act in ways that I should not be doing to my family. I don't know whats causing it either. Im extremely busy with work, it's my favorite time of year and yet I am having issues within myself. I have been drinking too much lately as well. My rage comes on at any time and is not caused only when drinking. I feel numb again when I see the ones close to me hurting. I have been better in the past, more able to recognize and feel. Now I feel nothing except emptiness and anger. I put shows on for work and then I am back to me at the end of the day. The real me is not a good thing for anyone. I even looked up therapists again today. Do I really want that though? It's so difficult to know I am not right and yet feel nothing. To know who I really am baffles my mind!!! This is my update for now.............
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#20
Jul 07, 2015, 09:34 AM
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I have also recently been in a "dark place" myself. My narcissistic rage lately has hit a peak of sorts and I am giving everyone that has slighted me a piece of my mind. I have knack for knowing how to hit someone "where they live" as it were, I have permanently destroyed a few friendships all within the course of six weeks and even I am astounded by this. I have always had the ability to really know how to pick at someone exactly where it will hurt them the most, I have noticed that is the case with every other Narcissist I've met. Do I think these people deserved what they got from me? Yes, I do. But still, usually my temper isn't quite so explosive as it has been in recent weeks. That place of feeling nothing but emptiness and anger, I have been that way since May... I just didn't realize it, until this past week really. Narcissist/NPD is just a label, try to remember that. It is not the only thing you are. You have many good qualities from just what little I've seen you write on here. You're not a bad person, just hurt and when you get set off like me it's that rage you end up feeling... to the point where it sinks into that "empty" feeling you described(the emotionally flattened state I've called it, I get like that if my rage goes on for too long... I can end up acting like more of a psychopath when I get into that state). I am in a similar place. As usual, you articulate yourself quite well. |
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#21
Jul 07, 2015, 09:46 AM
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You know sometimes it really sucks to be us!!! HA HA
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| Atypical_Disaster
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#22
Jul 07, 2015, 09:48 AM
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#23
Jul 07, 2015, 09:50 AM
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That's correct... PEASANT'S LISTEN TO US NOW!!!!!
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| Atypical_Disaster
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#24
Jul 07, 2015, 10:00 AM
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HA HA HA!!!
Like you keep repeating(for a damn good reason might I add), NPD: the one disorder where everyone but the sufferer is treated and cared for and all that ****! LOL. Ironic, all these people claim to be oh so empathetic but they sure as **** don't show us Narcissists any for the most part... Pffft. **** them. I'm angry today, does it show? Hahahahahah!
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#25
Jul 07, 2015, 10:04 AM
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Our darkness is what defines us all too often. Being broken is not easy on the mind. I have scared my kids to the point where they wont tell me if something happens with a teacher, kid or whatever as I handle these things differently than the "normal" parents. My anger causes me to explode in front of anyone anywhere. My wife is nervous many times as I will start issues in public if I catch someone looking at her in a way I do not like(come on just have respect). I even explode at people in front of my kids which I wish I could contain better. The thing is like fire inside of me, once it starts a switch changes over and I become a monster. I am however thankful for my wife as I either would of been in jail or dead if we didn't meet. This is were I understand Sam completely with his reference to each molecule being broken down when we feel attacked or disrespected. Atypical, I have left many friends behind. People like us get what we need not in friends but in our "dark" minds. As you age the tolerance gets worse and the people around become more fake. Friends are over rated anyway. I can have many friends if I needed I just don't have the patience it takes to further this cause. I prefer acquaintances anyhow!! Much easier to maintain(and still get what's needed)... New blood, New FUN!!! HA HA HA HA.. My ADD is shown here huh?? LOL
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| Atypical_Disaster
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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