[fabulousdivararity]

Everybody wears different masks with different people. There's a saying that you're never completely yourself with anybody, and I think that's true. We hide parts of ourselves with our family and friends, often hiding the worst parts of ourselves that we feel no one will understand. I want this to be a place where we can be honest about who we are. We have to be real somewhere- why not here? I'll start.

I'm one of the most vein people I know. If you're not a member of my family or one of my friends, I automatically have no empathy for you. I laugh inside when I watch someone struggling. I can hold a grudge. I think that everyone is attracted to me, and that all other girls are jealous of me. I still check out other guys even though I'm engaged, and if someone feels guilty about something, I milk it as much as I can. I always know when I'm manipulating people, and I love the feel of power it gives me. I expect everyone to hero-worship me for no reason at all. And lastly, I buy certain items because I think they'll make me look better.

Who are you really? Reply below.

[glok]

I can be someone's worst nightmare.

[LUTE20]

I just don't get how this is a "disorder". I think EVERYONE is ego centric they just trick themselves or are too dumb to realize what they're actually doing. Even animals are egocentric it's natural it's normal and I think only the most egocentric people call others narcissists because they want attention to themselves. And I'm sorry I just don't care about you.

[TheHiddenAngel]

I'm a bit more than a bit.... passive aggressive.

Originally Posted by LUTE20

I just don't get how this is a "disorder". I think EVERYONE is ego centric they just trick themselves or are too dumb to realize what they're actually doing. Even animals are egocentric it's natural it's normal and I think only the most egocentric people call others narcissists because they want attention to themselves. And I'm sorry I just don't care about you.

There is considerably more to NPD than egocentricity.

Of course it's healthy to love oneself. When that love comes at the expense of other people that's generally when there is a problem.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

There is considerably more to NPD than egocentricity.

Of course it's healthy to love oneself. When that love comes at the expense of other people that's generally when there is a problem.

I don't really know the difference please specify.

I don't see that there is anything to specify.

It's okay to love yourself. One should be proud of their achievements.

It is not okay to feed that love by walking all over other people.

At least that's the generally accepted view. If you don't feel that way then it doesn't really matter.

[LUTE20]

what is walking over others though?

Like imo everyone has its own interest in hand first so we all walk over each other in a sense if that's one's goal you know.

[SoupDragon]

Yes I can be a lot of greedy things, but I can also quieten down that mind of mine from time to time and find a kinder place, where I feel more peaceful. I think there can be many parts to all of us and each has its purpose - for me it is about becoming aware of the purpose and maybe that is who I really am - an enquirer.

I get the impression that this is going to be like explaining colour to a blind person.

Something that could cause another person serious distress while bringing very little to your own life.

Of course that's all subjective itself.

Subjectively speaking I believe that the level of damage an NPD causes to feed their ego is not warranted by what they actually obtain.

Cheating on your spouse because the person you cheated with is a 10 may feed your ego for a few weeks but it may also cause your spouse years of self doubt and trust issues.

But what I believe to be the real issue with NPD (and why it should be classified as a disorder) is that the type of ego involved in NPD is not the healthy ego of a 'normal' but a coping mechanism to hide a hidden internal pain.

Healing NPD should not be about the damage you cause to others but about learning to actually love yourself instead of pretending.

[LUTE20]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I get the impression that this is going to be like explaining colour to a blind person.

Something that could cause another person serious distress while bringing very little to your own life.

Of course that's all subjective itself.

Subjectively speaking I believe that the level of damage an NPD causes to feed their ego is not warranted by what they actually obtain.

Cheating on your spouse because the person you cheated with is a 10 may feed your ego for a few weeks but it may also cause your spouse years of self doubt and trust issues.

But what I believe to be the real issue with NPD (and why it should be classified as a disorder) is that the type of ego involved in NPD is not the healthy ego of a 'normal' but a coping mechanism to hide a hidden internal pain.

Healing NPD should not be about the damage you cause to others but about learning to actually love yourself instead of pretending.

And like I said I think everyone makes decisions that are best for them and not consider others.

If you live for others, did you ever really live your own life and path? I don't think so.

lol, no I don't cheat. If I think a girl or guy is more sexually attractive I'll just break up with my so. I don't play around hiding from anyone. That just causes drama. It's better just to say goodbye imo.

From what pain? I don't know, but I have a lot of the same symptoms with this disorder. But my personality is probably genetic since my dad has AsPD. I didn't this disorder wasn't genetic...

I wasn't saying you cheat. I was using 'you' as a general term. The cheating was just an example to try and illustrate my point.

The problem with doing what you want without thought towards other people is that this leads to people generally not wanting to be around you. I guess if you don't much want to be around people that won't be a problem but for others a lack of sociability may lead to a less than fulfilling life.

As for pain see here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/narci...s-thought.html (It just really annoys me that the 'cure' for NPD is always about training the person to not hurt others rather than trying to help the person with NPD. Narcissists are people too. )
There may be genetic parts to AsPD and most PD's. I understand it's something still up for debate.

But if a person is around someone with a certain disorder (especially as a child) I'd guess it increases the risk of that person developing that disorder. Learned habits and things as well as the possibility for abusive interactions.


Apologies to OP for the hijacking.

To answer that question (I actually really had to think about this lol)

I don't know who I am. I'm lost, confused and bounce way too much off others to be my own person. I am however willing to be who you want me to be if you will show me a little affection. (Disclaimer: removal of this affection may result in uncontrolled emotional lashing out which may in turn lead to emotional distress for yourself. Enter at own risk.)

[waiting4]

BeteNoire:...I've dealt with the problem of explaining colour to a blind person...you must use, as direction, what other senses the blind one has left--taste, smell etc. For the Narcissist, empathy for others is nearly non-existent...empathy for themselves is generally unhindered so:

Lute: Since the objective in nearly all narc relationships is the gathering of supply, if the narc is not clever, or is wasteful in the cultivation of the supply, the person they are 'feeding' off, might just leave. It has been known to happen. And while a true 'malignant narcissist' can simply find another source, that DOES require work...and narcs are not known for creation...only for maintaining (and usually at the lowest expression of effort as possible). In other words....it's too hard to find another when the one they've already groomed is right there, offering what they need. So...that said, if they bring 'serious distress' to their supply..that supply might leave. Or be taken away, by someone who is less hurtful to be with.

And then....Lute...a narc will feel hurt. And anger. And rejection. All of the things that the person THEY'VE hurt, they've treated clumsily or who they may have discarded......felt.

Who am I? I'm the mirror. I have always been. مرآة Mirat...the mirror.

The problem being, of course, that I am reflective...only. Within the mirror is glass...fragile, and sharp.

[LUTE20]

And? that's their problem. I have my friends they know to accept how I am or I could care less about never seeing them again. I don't change what I don't see as a problem myself. If it's not my problem why should it be my concern? The things I don't like in my life I change but I'm not going to go around solving other people's problems.

I also didn't know that narcissists hurt others... I thought they were nonviolent.

Thanks for the link. And I wasn't raised around my dad at all.

yeah can we pm perhaps? Sorry op.

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I wasn't saying you cheat. I was using 'you' as a general term. The cheating was just an example to try and illustrate my point.

The problem with doing what you want without thought towards other people is that this leads to people generally not wanting to be around you. I guess if you don't much want to be around people that won't be a problem but for others a lack of sociability may lead to a less than fulfilling life.

As for pain see here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/narci...s-thought.html (It just really annoys me that the 'cure' for NPD is always about training the person to not hurt others rather than trying to help the person with NPD. Narcissists are people too. )
There may be genetic parts to AsPD and most PD's. I understand it's something still up for debate.

But if a person is around someone with a certain disorder (especially as a child) I'd guess it increases the risk of that person developing that disorder. Learned habits and things as well as the possibility for abusive interactions.


Apologies to OP for the hijacking.

To answer that question (I actually really had to think about this lol)

I don't know who I am. I'm lost, confused and bounce way too much off others to be my own person. I am however willing to be who you want me to be if you will show me a little affection. (Disclaimer: removal of this affection may result in uncontrolled emotional lashing out which may in turn lead to emotional distress for yourself. Enter at own risk.)

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by LUTE20

...they just trick themselves or are too dumb to realize what they're actually doing.... And I'm sorry I just don't care about you.

Seems like you fall in a similar camp, either tricked yourself or are too dumb to realize what you're actually doing. Idk you, so idk which one it is.

Its one thing to profess you don't care about anyone ( I get that I do, its cool with me) but its a whole different can of worms when an intelligent being claims they cannot fathom how or why their actions affect others, and in sometimes hurtful ways. And no, physical is not the only hurt people experience. If a child can choose to react in such a way as not to negatively impact the child next to them, tell me how an intelligent adult cannot understand this concept? How an adult defends their choices at the expense of someone else, yet claims they don't understand why the next person's expense should matter to them in the first place?

Actually that's rhetorical, I'm not interested in an answer.

I think BeteNoire got it wrong, its not explaining colour to a blind man, its convincing a blind man that colour exists...

The world would have gone to hell by now if you were correct and none of us on this planet had any consideration for our fellow men.

To the OP, Who am I? I've not quite been able to pin her down, because she's always been quite fluid. But whoever she is, I'm me all the time, I don't hide, maybe my shame gland broke idk. Yes, the dangerous part of me I'm better at keeping leashed (its a must, I'm way too pretty for jail) but I don't bother to hide her either. People in my life accept me as is, and as long as how I am is not negatively impacting my daughter, bf or other people closest to me, then I see no reason to hide any of me.

[LUTE20]

I understand my living my life can hurt others. But I advise them to walk away. I don't hold anyone hostage. Look out for yourself because no one else will. I certainly won't. And I am a loner as was my mom. I don't crave socialization. I'm actually shy. I don't mind people removing themselves from my life. It makes life simpler anyhow. And I'm not tricking anyone. I am just being honest.

If you put your life in other's hands it's going to be a pretty ****ed up life. I don't really want to argue but that's the truth. I always think it's best to trust oneself not depend on other people's mercy and kindness. Because many people have none of it. And it makes one look entitled to expect to be treated a certain way by everyone very unhealthy thinking and disposition. When people would attempt to treat me poorly in relationships I always took responsibility in leaving. It's on me to protect myself not them. That's how I see things that's just me. These are obvious things people are taught in life. I am not trying to offend. I was just trying to be myself... Explain how I thought. How I live my life.... I thought that was what this thread was about... Take it or leave it. I am who I am.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Seems like you fall in a similar camp, either tricked yourself or are too dumb to realize what you're actually doing. Idk you, so idk which one it is.

Its one thing to profess you don't care about anyone ( I get that I do, its cool with me) but its a whole different can of worms when an intelligent being claims they cannot fathom how or why their actions affect others, and in sometimes hurtful ways. And no, physical is not the only hurt people experience. If a child can choose to react in such a way as not to negatively impact the child next to them, tell me how an intelligent adult cannot understand this concept? How an adult defends their choices at the expense of someone else, yet claims they don't understand why the next person's expense should matter to them in the first place?

Actually that's rhetorical, I'm not interested in an answer.

I think Betenoire got it wrong, its not explaining colour to a blind man, its convincing a blind man that colour exists...

The world would have gone to hell by now if you were correct and none of us on this planet had any consideration for our fellow men.

Wow seems as if this thread turned into a whole other sweater(still making my ownself laugh)!!! To me the forums are always open to the people to write what ever they want, with this brings the types who want to fit in by believing they too have something like others here. I am diagnosed NPD, this is not something to be proud of as so many make it like a trophy to hold high and be praised by others. We are broken people, to try and say one or two lines of the type of person you are makes you more of a jer#$ff rather than a person with a personality disorder. The depths of our issues are not made up of us ONLY not caring about other people in or around our lives. The depths are far greater and if the diagnosed ones actually wrote more on their ways you still would not be able to understand fully. I myself have no empathy whether its a stranger, a friend or even my own family. Plain and simple my brain is not wired to understand you or anyone else's problems. I think many have it wrong, empathy I don't believe is something you turn on and off like a switch. You either have it or you don't!! Myself equates to many years of living for myself not the ones close to me. What worked best for me was whatever I thought was best for me and only me. Can I go on and on? Of course but after reading whats written here I really don't see the point. Anyways I have written many different things here so many of you I am sure have read prior posts not a newbie trying to make waves!!!! If you seek understanding this forum is far from the one you want to post in. Especially if your reading up on Narc traits and the real ones that are here are not going to have this for you!!!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Why the hell would the handful of narcissists here sit around with you and list off the reasons why we're insufferable assholes? Come on now. This thread makes zero sense.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Underground

Wow seems as if this thread turned into a whole other sweater(still making my ownself laugh)!!! To me the forums are always open to the people to write what ever they want, with this brings the types who want to fit in by believing they too have something like others here. I am diagnosed NPD, this is not something to be proud of as so many make it like a trophy to hold high and be praised by others. We are broken people, to try and say one or two lines of the type of person you are makes you more of a jer#$ff rather than a person with a personality disorder. The depths of our issues are not made up of us ONLY not caring about other people in or around our lives. The depths are far greater and if the diagnosed ones actually wrote more on their ways you still would not be able to understand fully. I myself have no empathy whether its a stranger, a friend or even my own family. Plain and simple my brain is not wired to understand you or anyone else's problems. I think many have it wrong, empathy I don't believe is something you turn on and off like a switch. You either have it or you don't!! Myself equates to many years of living for myself not the ones close to me. What worked best for me was whatever I thought was best for me and only me. Can I go on and on? Of course but after reading whats written here I really don't see the point. Anyways I have written many different things here so many of you I am sure have read prior posts not a newbie trying to make waves!!!! If you seek understanding this forum is far from the one you want to post in. Especially if your reading up on Narc traits and the real ones that are here are not going to have this for you!!!

Well said, as usual.

I was told that Borderline personality's are the equivalent of emotional third degree burn patients. If that is so..then NPD's are the equivalent of same, only with the addition of a band-aid. Over and over again it gets torn off, and then the hurt rages until it is replaced. And always, they wait for the next ripping off.

I think the whole 'supply' thing, while helpful to non's and to people hurt by NPD's...completely trivializes what's really going on. To understand that....one needs objectivity. And that is a resource difficult to manage, around the NPD. I'm closer to it, snarkyness aside. I appreciate this forum for what it is...and I admit to lurking occasionally. I also appreciate the NPD's who bother to post...even as it annoys them, sometimes, to do so.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Why the hell would the handful of narcissists here sit around with you and list off the reasons why we're insufferable assholes? Come on now. This thread makes zero sense.

HA HAHA..i'd have to agree with you, but you gotta admit, when it turns into an all out pissing match it's quite amusing!

Originally Posted by fabulousdivararity

Everybody wears different masks with different people. There's a saying that you're never completely yourself with anybody, and I think that's true. We hide parts of ourselves with our family and friends, often hiding the worst parts of ourselves that we feel no one will understand.

I wouldn't say that about me as i don't need to hide anything , if i do something wrong i will admit it and take the punishment.
I think you are hiding your emptyness with "Narcissistic Glitter " and i do believe what you say about " Your distress is my delight " but what will it get you in the end ? A Bad Reputation ?

Originally Posted by waiting4

Well said, as usual.

I was told that Borderline personality's are the equivalent of emotional third degree burn patients. If that is so..then NPD's are the equivalent of same, only with the addition of a band-aid. Over and over again it gets torn off, and then the hurt rages until it is replaced. And always, they wait for the next ripping off.

I do like the analogy. Well put!!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by waiting4

a narc will feel hurt. And anger. And rejection. All of the things that the person THEY'VE hurt, they've treated clumsily or who they may have discarded......felt.

Who am I? I'm the mirror. I have always been. مرآة Mirat...the mirror.

The problem being, of course, that I am reflective...only. Within the mirror is glass...fragile, and sharp.

This is also dead on accurate.

You know I may be wrong but at one time I think waiting4 was one that annoyed me. I must say I do appreciate her paragraphs lately and it could be because she want's my book!!!! LOL

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Underground

You know I may be wrong but at one time I think waiting4 was one that annoyed me. I must say I do appreciate her paragraphs lately and it could be because she want's my book!!!! LOL

Oh I definately want your book!!

I think I'm less annoying tho, because I've gotten a bit more perspective and objectivity...that's come from reading these posts and reading other material (and NOT believing the first things I've read)...and also from going over logs of conversations my ex and I had, recalling stories (very very shallow ones--he was never much for discription) of his childhood etc.

It has been educational. Basically, much like the '13th warrior' ... I paid attention.