Seems that many of my threads lately are being closed down. I obviously must be doing something wrong in the moderators eyes. So I will once again start a new thread in hopes of helping instead of hurting.
I do want to be better in my ways. I left therapy a while back as it always seemed to waste my time. I am now looking into CBT to try and change my thought patterns. Has anyone here tried this and if so your thoughts? I do know how bad my thought process is and how it is far from normal. To constantly be on the look out for what ifs, why and so on. I expected so much yet got so little back which causes defeat and hate. It should be easier to get back up wipe off the dirt and go on without looking back. Many people speak of their therapists or lack of here. What always amazes me is their bio's and how they have experience in such a broad range of issues. To me someone needs to specialize in 1 or 2 things to serve you well. Therapists are geared towards working on the everyday BS most people have issues with. When it comes to a mind that looks at everything with a purpose and a game how can you really understand me??? When I explain a very small detail on how my mind thinks and I get a look of "oh my god" in their eyes. A pause and then a question onto a new subject. This can never work so I do hope that CBT will make a difference.

[gayleggg]

I have heard that CBT can be very helpful, but I've never tried it. I had psychodynamic, it helped me lots but I moved and lost that therapist. Now can't afford one right now.

And you are right, it is hard to explain thinking patterns. Some don't make much sense to your everyday therapist. If I was to tell anyone about my feelings right now I'd be in the hospital. But alas, I will survive.

I really wish luck with the CBT. I would like to try that myself sometime.
Best Wishes

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Underground

To constantly be on the look out for what ifs, why and so on. I expected so much yet got so little back which causes defeat and hate.. When it comes to a mind that looks at everything with a purpose and a game how can you really understand me??? When I explain a very small detail on how my mind thinks and I get a look of "oh my god" in their eyes. A pause and then a question onto a new subject. This can never work so I do hope that CBT will make a difference.

Do you mean that you see people in your life playing games on you? I know I do.

Do you see patterns in people's behavior that others generally do not? I know I do.

Do you have a hard time explaining why you believe you know why people are behaving in certain ways? I know I do.

Is that what you are talking about?

[Notoriousglo]

I think it's wonderful you're trying to get help...some people won't and just blame everyone else. I feel the same as you about wanting a therapist to kind of "cater" to what I am thinking instead of following what I tend to believe is their misguided ******** on how to help someone. I try to see this resistance to them as my problem yet the resistance still comes out and I rage about how they can't understand ME. I hate it when people can't match my feelings and put their own on mine. Well I know you could give a hoot about how I feel. Really it's cool you're seeking help.

You hit it with "match my feelings and put their own on mine". What is that? I've been with two different Ts and they both did this. Is this so they feel competent with themselves? Pretty obvious that they cannot with the ones like us. I watch the show Hannibal and I say this is the type of therapist I need (not the sending me out to commit murder) as he seems to understand the differently wired brain. I know it's not real but there has to be ones out there like him. I mean my Pdoc gets me better and I spend a very little amount of time with her. To understand my thoughts and be able to draw the same picture means the world!!!

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Do you mean that you see people in your life playing games on you? I know I do.

No, more that people in my life tend to be like a piece on a game board

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Do you see patterns in people's behavior that others generally do not? I know I do.

Yes and this is always used to benefit. I also notice that people who I generally get along with most are people who also have real issues. It's like were magnets.

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Do you have a hard time explaining why you believe you know why people are behaving in certain ways? I know I do.

My communication with others is usually only because I have to if you know what I mean. Unlike here!!

[glok]

Now I see. Bobby Fischer incarnate.

[Teacake]

I believe what will heal you is time with a therapist who can accept you unconditionally. She needs.to be older than you, the age or your mother would be great, and she needs to be mature and intelligent, so she can not fall into your head games or react to your attacks.

I dont know of ive been a real narcissist. I have the wounds that could have made me one, but for. They heal when we are accepted for who we are. Then we are ok to be ourselves in the world. Little by little.

I don't think it's you Underground just that personalities clashed and the party got a little too wild.

As for CBT I think that's what most of my T's have specialized in but for the most part they seem to realize that I am capable of figuring out most of the things they're trying to explain by myself I just need someone to give support and help me put those things into practice.

After all most of my issues seem to stem from the fact that I know the thing in a logical and thoughtful manner but my emotions tend to over whelm that logic despite the fact that they are very rarely right.

I guess CBT in it's most basic form is that if you can change the behavior you can change the action which I think takes an awful lot of practice. Patience seems a must.

It seems to me you've already come a great way in simply recognizing there is a problem. I hope this can work out for you.

I appreciate everyone's feedback as I do know we have our positive moments here as well. I start with a new T tomorrow. I think the worst part is the feeling of starting all over again. Hopefully this time it will be worth it!!
Thanks again.....

Be sure to update with how it went...

My usual psychologist is underqualified & basically deemed me a "lost cause". But not in so many words. She just submitted & now tells me what I want to hear.

The couple's psychologist specializes in couple's DBT. I'm not seeing her again for a while so my bf can work on his issues independently... She seemed intelligent enough, but I don't know. She claims I'm not classically narcissistic because I was willing to attend therapy. Uhm. If a narcissist has never sat through evaluation, how could one be sure they exist? Lol. That was amusing.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm trying to take it easy & not think about anything too deeply. Then see where I wind up & "start fresh".

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Shayatanica

If a narcissist has never sat through evaluation, how could one be sure they exist?

Brilliant.

Originally Posted by Shayatanica

The couple's psychologist specializes in couple's DBT. I'm not seeing her again for a while so my bf can work on his issues independently... She seemed intelligent enough, but I don't know. She claims I'm not classically narcissistic because I was willing to attend therapy. Uhm. If a narcissist has never sat through evaluation, how could one be sure they exist? Lol. That was amusing.

Narcissists have the whole classic catch 22 thing going on.

Admit you're a narcissist and you can't possibly be one so we're not gonna treat you for it.

Don't admit you're a narcissist and you clearly are a narcissist but we can't help you because you don't want us too.

Totally just realized I boo booed in my last post. Change the behavior hopefully the THOUGHT (not action, fool.) will follow.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

Narcissists have the whole classic catch 22 thing going on.

Admit you're a narcissist and you can't possibly be one so we're not gonna treat you for it.

Don't admit you're a narcissist and you clearly are a narcissist but we can't help you because you don't want us too.

Totally just realized I boo booed in my last post. Change the behavior hopefully the THOUGHT (not action, fool.) will follow.

I talked to my T about this the other day. I told him I don't know why anyone would admit to having a NPD (or a BPD, for that matter). The information that is available to the general public makes them sound like horrible people (I hope it's okay to say that, seeing as how I probably do suffer from the disorders), and there is not one good quality in that diagnosis. But, are there really any good qualities to any mental health diagnosis? Actually, bipolar might be one of the few. There is a lot of good in the ups they can have, the creativity, etc... but, the downs sound like they really suck.
Anyway, that is just a huge flaw I see in psychology. They need to come up with some positives for those of us who suffer from certain disorders.

I also identify as an INTJ... not many people like us... we're very aloof, for one thing.. but, do a few internet searches and you can find a multitude of benefits from having the INTJ personality type. With tips to make it work to your advantage... not so with NPD. I defy you to tell me one positive thing that comes from having NPD, or tell me one tip to help make having NPD work to my advantage.

So, I identify as being INTJ.. I am INTJ... but, I also may have some NPD traits (along with BPD traits).

It was encouraging to read this thread... And see that some Pdocs seem to understand NPD and how to help those who suffer from the disorder.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

Narcissists have the whole classic catch 22 thing going on.

Admit you're a narcissist and you can't possibly be one so we're not gonna treat you for it.

Don't admit you're a narcissist and you clearly are a narcissist but we can't help you because you don't want us too.

This post has been my experience with therapy in a nutshell. ****ing incompetent morons.

[Notoriousglo]

I was talking to a therapist yesterday and she asked for my definition of a narcissist...anyways hers was a backstabber. I am supposedly a borderline and the insult bothered me cause I know there are some similarities. Idk. Anyhow, my therapist said a narc wouldn't know it if they were one... that might be true but you can't pin someone as not being something just because of that example Shay gave. Especially when someone with a brain knows you don't have to meet all of the criteria to get the diagnosis. I feel that what Shay described is incompetence...stereotypical and some other things I can't think of right now.

It seems as if therapists are not equipped to handle NPD in the least. My Pdoc told me things that made my jaw drop and to be honest I wish I could sit with her for 45 minutes each week. How can you understand me????? Let's give some examples:
When you argue with me I hear nothing until that switch happens and then I become a monster. I break things can even attack you physically without even thinking of any action. I loose my mind so to speak.
When you talk to me about how you feel I understand nothing your telling me. I pretend to pay attention and hope you don't ask me "what did I just say"
You feel happiness, joy, sadness, depression and whatever else. I just feel numb!!!
You can't understand how I can purposely not say something nice just to see what I can get away with(Much more to this one)
I get what I need by any means necessary and don't see that I am hurting you only feel that your against me if im not getting what I need.
I am a genius at making you into what I need, to give me the response and action that was predetermined by me.
You ask me how i feel about certain people and the pain they suffer. You say how does this make you feel?? I don't care, I turn the channel and move on to something I like.
I don't see you for you, I see you for how I can benefit from you
Other times I give you everything you need, happiness, attention, interaction and make you feel as if you got to me and did something special.
Shortly after I go back to me, numb and not ever understanding you.
On the defense at all times just waiting to attack.
FU$& YOU therapists, most of us here would make much better ones then the ones we see I am sure of!!!!!!
I write tonight as I had a crazy episode yesterday, complete lunatic!!!!
Today I am better but I know who I am and it will never be on me because they can't understand me!!!!!!
Some will get it others won't
Love always,
Underground

[glok]

Love always

Really? How dissembling.

Best regards,
Thank you,
Sincerely,
Whatever floats your boat my friend!!!

You hit the nail right on the head, Underground, thanks so much for you insight! It's so true, it's a brain that sees a purpose in everything and tries to make a game of it all. Nobody can understand. You try to provide insight into how your mind works and people just sit there with their jaws dropped. They can't even begin to imagine what true numbness feels like, when nothing matters, when you can't even care less anymore. I am becoming more convinced by the day that I have NPD too. Am I proud of it? No, of course not, but you are who you are, right? Nobody will ever get it. You are one of the few people I think I've ever "met" that gets how I feel. Look, I don't know if I'm NPD or not, but I can identify so much with what you say your last post. I don't wish to put a dampner on your inspiration, but I think maybe CBT might not work for you. If you are like me, you can totally see through it. By all means try it, just don't think too much about dismantling it to understand it's processes though. That's what I did, and now it will never work for me again. I wish you all the best, Underground .

To Shakespeare47, it's so true what you say, narcissism is viewed as a negative trait, so too borderline p.d., but even autism too. It's when people don't understand how it is or how it works then they say it's bad. As for personality, I'm an INTJ too, which just amplifies everything. Yeah, I dunno, it's hard, but if I could think of one good place where an NPD/INTJ would work well would be somewhere where decisions have to be made that cannot be influenced by emotion. That's not a great role in society (associated usually with mean bosses or shrewd businessmen, or some high level CIA guy who CAN keep secrets from even their own family), but it's that role nobody else wants to be in. I think that's the only place INTJ (Intro, iNtuitive, Thinking and Judging) people would fit in, or as you asked, one "good" or "useful" property of NPD/INTJ.