Just a little addition to one's response. Before knowing I had NPD I never had to hide my ways or do things in a think before re-acting fashion. This was all normal to me, I was just being me and not thinking I had to hide anything. Now knowing I realize many things I have done or still do are because I have NPD. I suppose why so many go undiagnosed is because most will never feel as if they are wrong or even more, they are disordered.

BTW I do find it amusing that some HERE care to add their two cents while speaking in other rooms on how OUR type is such a problem. I have had some issues elsewhere that made me see it wasn't worth going in those rooms to help. Automatically the BAD GUY cause of my label. Know where you are welcomed!! If your wondering if i'm talking about you then it probably is. HA HA HA

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

So did Ted Bundy. ^

Noooo
You are joking me. Right?

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[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by here today

Seems like James Fallon may be influencing the general attitude and knowledge about psychopathy, and the tide of opinion against all narcissism may be underway as well:

http://www.amazon.com/Rethinking-Nar...der_0062348108

Not all good, not all bad -- somewhere in between, human.

Um. My mother weren't human.

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[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Noooo
You are joking me. Right?

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He worked for a suicide hotline at one point, yes.

[here today]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Um. My mother weren't human.

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I really understand that you feel that way, and I feel like I understand why you do. My mother could be cold, sometimes, and it sucked. Actually more than sucked and I know that it wasn't as bad as what you went through.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Um. My mother weren't human.

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That bad, huh? That really sucks...

[MissFiona]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

He worked for a suicide hotline at one point, yes.

I think an NPD who wasn't emotionally involved with the victim would make an excellent asset to a suicide hotline as they would view it all remotely in a calm neutral manner that doesn't incite the caller to become even more inclined to take it up a notch and take their own life.

[MissFiona]

I was at a theatre once watching a play with a friend who was triggered by the content of the play. He began crying uncontrollably, saying that his Mother had told him a story about a relative of theirs who had chosen not to eat or drink anymore and to starve themselves to death. My Mother had a major stroke and I was told she would not be given food or water and would just lay there until she finally died. My 'friend' knew this but could not in any way, shape or form, see the connection between the two events so absorbed was he in his own theatre production. He had been both trained and consumed by self pity or pity only towards any of HIS family, his belongings, his, his, his. They all belong to him. The very thing NPD's fear I think is being consumed by anything or anyone yet he was not able to see the funny side that he had been trained by his Mother to be consumed/interested only in his own family history but was completely
oblivious to it as though he were a stroke victim laying unconscious. My reaction to his blubbering was to laugh uncontrollably because I saw the funny side of it but couldn't be bothered telling him because he would not have heard LOL

So I think what is so difficult for non NPD's to understand is that unless it's become terminal, as in deliberate and with full prior knowledge of what that NPD intends to do, I think there are the NPD's who are just too self absorbed yet completely oblivious because they have always felt that way ever since they could recall - to notice any behaviour that is not relevant to themselves or the extension of their egos. That's why it's so damaging to non partners because technically they were never a part of the NPD's ego, which is dominated I think by the carers/uncaring experiences in childhood, there's just a little box that an NPD slots you into for awhile to feed up their ego until something better comes along. There is just no room for someone telling the N anything bad about themselves. If you're a good supply you might get a nice little clothes drier to put in that little box of a room so you can dry your own tear soaked handkerchiefs which is perfectly sensible and practical because it comes back to the NPD possibly being totally unaware of what you expect from them in the first place because it just does not register in their ego as a high command or priority. There's just too much out there, lots of little boxes to look inside and see what gifts are inside waiting for the NPD LOL. That's where I think non NPD's can really learn from NPD's if done in a well balanced way.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Underground

. . . Before knowing I had NPD I never had to hide my ways or do things in a think before re-acting fashion. This was all normal to me, I was just being me and not thinking I had to hide anything. Now knowing I realize many things I have done or still do are because I have NPD. I suppose why so many go undiagnosed is because most will never feel as if they are wrong or even more, they are disordered.

I’d really like to hear some more about how you have been able to use what you’ve learned about NPD to deal with life differently, maybe. Or something like that. You would be in a better position than I to know what somebody else might find helpful.

And, yes, part of my wanting to hear more from you is that this is public information here – people can take what they like and leave the rest. Or take potshots at it.

But I’m also genuinely interested, too. And we’ve seen others come here and ask questions. So what do you think?

Originally Posted by here today

I’d really like to hear some more about how you have been able to use what you’ve learned about NPD to deal with life differently, maybe. Or something like that. You would be in a better position than I to know what somebody else might find helpful.

And, yes, part of my wanting to hear more from you is that this is public information here – people can take what they like and leave the rest. Or take potshots at it.

But I’m also genuinely interested, too. And we’ve seen others come here and ask questions. So what do you think?

I am curious what is your interest in NPD. Here today? Do you feel you identify with that diagnosis?

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm curious about why everyone is in this forum besides Underground who has the actual diagnosis that fits this forum.

I'm not saying I'm curious in a condescending way just to be clear, I honestly wonder why the interest from all of you. I'm enjoying all the discussions here.

[here today]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I am curious what is your interest in NPD. Here today? Do you feel you identify with that diagnosis?

I am interested in personality disorders in general and more specifically, based on my own experience, what I believe is the lack effective recognition, diagnosis, and treatment/help for them by the mental health profession in general here in the US.

I lucked into finding a therapist who, I believe, HAS been helpful, after many years in and out of therapy, in therapy for most of the last 19 years since my late husband was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

The outlook from many therapists seems to have been that people with personality disorders can’t be treated, don’t want to be treated, don’t try hard enough, etc. Twenty years ago they weren’t even diagnosing them because insurance wouldn’t pay for treatment. So, therapists didn’t even look for them, was my experience – better to diagnose depression or adjustment disorder which they could (try to) provide treatment for. I’m not blaming the individual therapists – they were trying their best to help.

But, in my experience, it didn’t get to the root of my problem.

There has been progress, I understand, in the development of treatments for BPD. Not so much that I can tell from my internet research, as well as personal experience, for the other personality disorders.

I’ve been in mental health support groups for more than 14 years. Many of the other people there have been in and out of therapy for most of their adult lives. One committed suicide a year and a half ago. I’m not a clinician but based on my own research and the fact that we have been having trouble for so long, it seems likely to me that many of us have had personality disorders.

I believe that my father met the criteria for NPD. He was a difficult man for everybody to live with sometimes and, of course, focused only on himself. But, I felt, he had a good heart, basically.

I myself was diagnosed with PDNOS almost 6 years ago, finally, by the therapist I am still currently seeing. I have some aspects of myself that are like NPD, mostly the opposite based on my understanding of “Dr. Sanity’s” blog on narcissism.

Dr. Sanity: NARCISSISM AND SOCIETY: Part I - The Psychology of the Self

[hazn]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I'm curious about why everyone is in this forum besides Underground who has the actual diagnosis that fits this forum.

I'm not saying I'm curious in a condescending way just to be clear, I honestly wonder why the interest from all of you. I'm enjoying all the discussions here.

I think for me it's about understanding the behaviors/minds of narcissists, so I can protect myself from that. It's also shown me areas I need to work on that make me an attractive target in the first place.

"Underground" get's mentioned by others all too often. Don't worry, as a N this is what I look for LOL(Patting own-self on back)!! I can give a little insight to the last post. The harder you make it the more we want it. We have a knack for finding a way in. The mask's are so plentiful, so different that we are somewhat like the shark unseen circling around the swimmer from below. The ability to give someone exactly what they need, to fulfill a place that is based solely on only what we need. The part of the story that allows us to pull someone in is like the high the addict seeks. It's not so much intentional or planned, it just happens. More times then not we become bored and need to move on. Again these event's are normal to someone who doesn't know they have this. It's not waking up each day figuring ways to hurt people. It's waking up each day looking for what everyone looks for, happiness. We just have a different way in finding it as it's really only about satisfying our own needs without even knowing it. Some will get it and some won't. If you do then welcome to a small part of our minds, if not then look at it on the bright side, you have more light over my dark.....

[here today]

Originally Posted by Underground

"Underground" get's mentioned by others all too often. Don't worry, as a N this is what I look for LOL(Patting own-self on back)!! I can give a little insight to the last post. The harder you make it the more we want it. We have a knack for finding a way in. The mask's are so plentiful, so different that we are somewhat like the shark unseen circling around the swimmer from below. The ability to give someone exactly what they need, to fulfill a place that is based solely on only what we need. The part of the story that allows us to pull someone in is like the high the addict seeks. It's not so much intentional or planned, it just happens. More times then not we become bored and need to move on. Again these event's are normal to someone who doesn't know they have this. It's not waking up each day figuring ways to hurt people. It's waking up each day looking for what everyone looks for, happiness. We just have a different way in finding it as it's really only about satisfying our own needs without even knowing it. Some will get it and some won't. If you do then welcome to a small part of our minds, if not then look at it on the bright side, you have more light over my dark.....

HA HA HA. So it seems you are more like Atypical than my dad! Thanks.

Originally Posted by here today

HA HA HA. So it seems you are more like Atypical than my dad! Thanks.

Let's get the wording in a correct format:
Atypical is more like Underground...
Big shout out to my girl!!

Please re read my post again and again. Note that it mentions that people with NPD aren't setting out to hurt one who loves them, it just happens. The difference between us and them is that we can't connect to their feelings which in turn makes us seem so cold. We are not wired to understand another's feelings, I guess this is what happens when your left as a child to figure out the world on your own amongst other things. We dealt with this all internally at the impressionable age were others were loved and told things, shown and all that good stuff. Yes our wiring isn't like yours but it's what we were left with. I suppose the bad part is that we can take a person who felt they were together and strong and make them the opposite when we're done. Again not meant to do just how we're made up. Look at it on a positive note we're usually not the ones killing people physically only mentally. LOL. Laugh a little, that last one was funny!!!

I acknowledge every one of you.....
Your welcome,
Sir Underground
The man
The myth
The legend

[hazn]

Hmm... how can we tell if a narcissist is malignant?

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by hazn

Hmm... how can we tell if a narcissist is malignant?

Look for paranoid personality traits along with antisocial personality traits. That's how you know.

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by hazn

Hmm... how can we tell if a narcissist is malignant?

They actively enjoy causing hurt. My mother would smile, a sly little smirk would play on her lips.

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Malignant Narc in my opinion, is the opposite of covert. They are closer to an overblown Bordeline or ASPD.

Originally Posted by Underground

Please re read my post again and again. Note that it mentions that people with NPD aren't setting out to hurt one who loves them, it just happens. The difference between us and them is that we can't connect to their feelings which in turn makes us seem so cold. We are not wired to understand another's feelings, I guess this is what happens when your left as a child to figure out the world on your own amongst other things. We dealt with this all internally at the impressionable age were others were loved and told things, shown and all that good stuff. Yes our wiring isn't like yours but it's what we were left with. I suppose the bad part is that we can take a person who felt they were together and strong and make them the opposite when we're done. Again not meant to do just how we're made up. Look at it on a positive note we're usually not the ones killing people physically only mentally. LOL. Laugh a little, that last one was funny!!!

The DSM no longer recognizes NPD, so how could you be wired any sort of way when the editors of the DSM don't believe NPD warrants special distinction? Every human being has narcissistic tendencies.

That is untrue. ^ It is in The DSM. My psychiatrist read it to me.