[MountainRunner]

Greetings all,

And if so, how do you handle it? I was diagnosed one year ago and, quite frankly, I have become keenly aware of attention toward me. I'm trying very hard to deal with my disorder as I am married and have had a few emotional affairs. Case in point...

I reconnected with a high school friend who has a younger sister, therefore I reconnected with her as well. She has blossomed into quite an attractive woman and we began chatting online. I began noticing that she began steering the conversations toward a more personal nature when she told me that she had a huge crush on me in school. I never knew this of course, but we discussed it and then let it go of course.

Then one evening she told me "You scare me. You're dangerous to my marriage."...

WTF? Sure I find her attractive, but I'm in therapy for my disorder and working very hard to salvage my marriage. Is it in our nature?

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm not exactly sure what kind of "signals" you are referring to, perhaps I haven't had enough coffee ha ha ha.

That being said though, I can relate to people just randomly telling you things like this:

"You scare me. You're dangerous to my marriage."

I am told things like this frequently. I am not married, but I am often told that I am intimidating, frightening, domineering, and the like. It can leave me asking WTF too! These things aren't intentional on my part so yeah I don't get it when people either say these things to me directly or imply it.

I think that for me, since things like being "intimidating" just seems to be a trait I have regardless of what I do, that it is indeed just in my nature. It's just how I am.

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I'm not exactly sure what kind of "signals" you are referring to, perhaps I haven't had enough coffee ha ha ha.

That being said though, I can relate to people just randomly telling you things like this:


I am told things like this frequently. I am not married, but I am often told that I am intimidating, frightening, domineering, and the like. It can leave me asking WTF too! These things aren't intentional on my part so yeah I don't get it when people either say these things to me directly or imply it.

I think that for me, since things like being "intimidating" just seems to be a trait I have regardless of what I do, that it is indeed just in my nature. It's just how I am.

Well, I'm a diagnosed histrionic, not a narcissist and there are a few differences between the two. She didn't mean that I was intimidating, she meant that she was becoming attracted to me. I have since backed away, but this has been the story of my life and I need to stop this...even if it is my "nature".

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by MountainRunner

Well, I'm a diagnosed histrionic, not a narcissist and there are a few differences between the two. She didn't mean that I was intimidating, she meant that she was becoming attracted to me. I have since backed away, but this has been the story of my life and I need to stop this...even if it is my "nature".

Yes I saw that you posted in the HPD forum. Good to see you here, there's more people in this forum.

So, are you saying that you back away from people when they're attracted to you because you're trying not to destroy your marriage in spite of your personality disorder? Am I understanding correctly?

What kind of therapy are you doing? Is it helping you? What is it in your therapy that you are focusing on? What issues caused by your HPD are you trying to improve on?

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Yes I saw that you posted in the HPD forum. Good to see you here, there's more people in this forum.

So, are you saying that you back away from people when they're attracted to you because you're trying not to destroy your marriage in spite of your personality disorder? Am I understanding correctly?

What kind of therapy are you doing? Is it helping you? What is it in your therapy that you are focusing on? What issues caused by your HPD are you trying to improve on?

My therapy has been "hit or miss" to date and it finally culminated in

Possible trigger:

an attempted suicide on 12/07.

Before my diagnosis, I most likely would have begun to seduce her. I have never had a monogamous relationship, even though I crave it. My therapy has been sketchy at best...seeing a therapist, if I'm lucky once every 2 months. Now my health care provider seems very interested in my mental health and I am seeing a new therapist today to begin Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and an daily program where I will check in to the facility in the morning, be in therapy throughout the day, and return home in the evening.

As for what I want to focus on...I need to stop looking for validation from women. I'm a mess, and I need to get to the fundamental issues as to why I am the way I am.

On my own, I wrote my "life story" so I could see it in black and white and it is nothing but a repeated pattern of failed relationships and womanizing. I thought of putting it up in the histrionic forum, but it is nothing but a sordid mess.

My last emotional affair was discovered by my wife on 12/19/14 and she was the one who triggered me to investigate why I do what I do (WTF is wrong with your head!?)

My wife is a wonderful woman and I am amazed that she has opted to stay by my side through this. I owe it to her that I get better. thank you for your response.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Therapy was hit and miss for me for a very long time. I finally found one that can "take the heat" as it were but it took me years of searching, most therapists are damn incompetent when it comes to personality disorders.

DBT is a very useful therapy to do if you want to target specific behaviors that are causing you problems.

What kind of validation are you looking for in these other women?

I'm glad you have your wife. I have never had a romantic relationship that was at all stable or healthy.

Pretty obvious that you put yourself in the situation. If this is who you are then it is what it is. Initiating conversation from people from your past that is of the opposite sex is stepping to the dark side. If you didn't think it you wouldn't of been chatting!!! The games the game, those who play in the roles they choose know what their doing whether it's in the open or in the back buried deep, either way it's all the same!!

[MissFiona]

Maybe you are attempting to evaluate yourself and your level of progress by connecting with an attractive younger woman to gauge if you still have what it takes to wreck yourself. Like a form of test. If I can resist the temptation to seduce this young, attractive married woman then I'm passing the test. Why put yourself there? Just in case your wife fails you at some point because you feel guilty and undeserving of such a loyal wife? Fear your wife will start revisiting your past mistakes? Fear your wife will leave you for a younger more attractive man? What's running the whole show? Fear? Fear is invalidating to anyone. Cripples the mind. Would make you feel as though you can't make your mind up about what's happening to you. Just thoughts that appeared when I read your post. A new beginning where the past mistakes never happened. Writing it out to get it out of your system and take a good look at yourself from someone else's perspective or point of view. Whose point of view are you trying to see? Your wife's, your parents, your friends? Or your own where you can resist the temptation of seducing her but not hearing her say that you could, if you wanted to.

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by Underground

Pretty obvious that you put yourself in the situation. If this is who you are then it is what it is. Initiating conversation from people from your past that is of the opposite sex is stepping to the dark side. If you didn't think it you wouldn't of been chatting!!! The games the game, those who play in the roles they choose know what their doing whether it's in the open or in the back buried deep, either way it's all the same!!

that very well may be, but Heidi was my friend's little sister that we always thought was a pst as she hovered around all the time. When I "friended" my old friend she came along as well and it was nice to reconnect with him and her as well. The situation took a turn when she divulged that she had a school girl crush on me. When she stated that I was "dangerous" to her marriage, then and there I know something was up. I immediately stated that I was flattered but I do love my wife and we should just leave it at that and she agreed.

But that is the reason I posted this...Is it in our nature? Histrionics are known for sexual promiscuity and I know that all too well. I was actually pleased that I was able to set a boundary and relieved that she honored that because, and I'm being honest here, I don't know reddit I may have done had she not. I am making progress in my therapy, sketchy as it might be at the moment, but it is progress nonetheless. Hell, a year ago I was putting up full nudes to display myself to women on reddit...I was getting that bad.

Baby steps I suppose.

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by MissFiona

Maybe you are attempting to evaluate yourself and your level of progress by connecting with an attractive younger woman to gauge if you still have what it takes to wreck yourself. Like a form of test. If I can resist the temptation to seduce this young, attractive married woman then I'm passing the test. Why put yourself there? Just in case your wife fails you at some point because you feel guilty and undeserving of such a loyal wife? Fear your wife will start revisiting your past mistakes? Fear your wife will leave you for a younger more attractive man? What's running the whole show? Fear? Fear is invalidating to anyone. Cripples the mind. Would make you feel as though you can't make your mind up about what's happening to you. Just thoughts that appeared when I read your post. A new beginning where the past mistakes never happened. Writing it out to get it out of your system and take a good look at yourself from someone else's perspective or point of view. Whose point of view are you trying to see? Your wife's, your parents, your friends? Or your own where you can resist the temptation of seducing her but not hearing her say that you could, if you wanted to.

Certainly points to ponder and I thank you.

[here today]

Originally Posted by MountainRunner

. . .Is it in our nature? Histrionics are known for sexual promiscuity and I know that all too well. I was actually pleased that I was able to set a boundary . . .

Baby steps I suppose.

My view/feeling is that all personality disorders come from a disordering of whatever it is that creates/generates a sense of self. Or perhaps I could/should say a sense of self within a society.

I think/feel most people have a biological need/wish for our essence to be seen and valued by other people. It sounds to me, from what you have written, that either by nature or nurture your wires have been crossed or meshed together so that you experience having your sexuality valued as if it were the whole you. It’s easy to understand how that might happen – sexuality is so powerful, the experience of lust is so similar to love sometimes. Things just got confused. Or the circuits you were born with weren’t very distinct.

However, if that’s fairly accurate, then you can still learn to MAKE the distinction, of course, which it sounds like you’re doing. As you said, you felt flattered. Good recognition of your feeling, expressed verbally, not acted on. Yes, baby steps are still STEPS. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Yes. You radiate your desire to be desired.

[leomama]

I know for myself a religious conversion coupled with strong therapy and medication blocked all those destructive impulses. I try not to believe everything I think.

Figuring a way to not believe everything you think is half the battle!! I like it...

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by Underground

Figuring a way to not believe everything you think is half the battle!! I like it...

Ain't that the truth. Realigning ones paradigm, and for me especially regarding relationships with the opposite sex, is a biggie. When I start "spinning" (best way to describe it), I try to do my level best to sabotage any happiness in my relationships.

FML...

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Underground

Figuring a way to not believe everything you think is half the battle!! I like it...

I learned that from DBT as well as anonymous programs.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by MountainRunner

Ain't that the truth. Realigning ones paradigm, and for me especially regarding relationships with the opposite sex, is a biggie. When I start "spinning" (best way to describe it), I try to do my level best to sabotage any happiness in my relationships.


FML...

Yes that's what seroquel is good for, to stop the spinning ...

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by leomama

Yes that's what seroquel is good for, to stop the spinning ...

Interesting...Gonna have to look at seroquel. For the moment, they have me on depakote, but it is really making me "confused". My wife has even noticed it, and It is beginning to bother me greatly.